And at the end of the day...

Pregnancy blog

2012-01-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

I have started another blog (in addition to this one) to track my pregnancy and use as a bit of a "journal" for the next several months. As my life pretty much revolves around this pregnancy right now (shocking, I know!), I may post over there more than over here for awhile. There is a link over on my right sidebar, or you can also click here to be taken to that page. Enjoy!

Announcing...

2011-12-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

Due August, 2012!!

Christmas letter 2011

2011-12-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, friends and family! I didn't mail out a letter this year, opting instead to give people this blog address. I also didn't write a letter in 2010 so I guess I have a bit of backtracking to do...

2010 was a busy, difficult and blessed year for us. As many of you know, in 2009 I moved in with a woman named Dorothy to care for her while she battled ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). Looking back, I'm sure I had no idea what I was getting myself into but the entire journey was such a learning experience for me. I was able to build incredible friendships with the people I worked with, not to mention the wonderful relationships I was able to build with Dorothy and her family.

Dorothy and I at her 66th birthday celebration

Dorothy battled long and hard and didn't give up the fight until she was good and ready. She passed away on May 12th, 2010 and I was able to be with her. I was left with a beautiful view of what death is as she passed very peacefully in her own home.

Dorothy's family after her memorial service (including her 95 year old mother)

I continued living in Dorothy's home while they got it ready to sell and while Steve and I finished up some remodel work on the home that he owns in Albany (with the help of my sister's fiance, Cody!). I moved into that house in mid-June 2010.

The remainder of 2010 was spent getting settled into the Albany house and doing a bit of re-learning how to do things like sleep through the night. :) (To read a detailed report of what a day in the life of a caregiver is like, visit this link.)

We adopted these three cuties as well.

Shady, Tegan and Petra

Christmas Eve 2010 was probably the most exciting day of the year... when Steve proposed and we became engaged! That is a very fun story, which you can read here.

2011 threw us into the whirlwind that is wedding planning! To be honest, I don't even know what to say about 2011 because it went by so quickly! I turned 24 in April, Steve turned 37 in June and Jordan turned 10 in July. His birthday post is here. He continues to be our pride and joy and we are so thrilled to be his parents. He is extremely into Legos right now and spends hours and hours and hours (literally) on the family room floor. Sound effects can usually be heard coming from that corner of the house. He also spends quite a bit of time singing and whistling, especially while in the shower. This year he learned to ride a bike, which was very exciting for him.

Our summer was mostly uneventful as we mostly stuck around home, still preparing for our wedding! We spent lots of time playing outside and Jordan even got to go on a canoe trip with my brother, Colby, and his fiance, Caryn. The trip was a reward to Jordan for improving his reading skills over the summer during tutoring time with Caryn. He was so thrilled!

Steve started his 14th year driving city transit and continues to mostly love his job. He is a people person and enjoys the social aspect of the job, but struggles daily with back and neck pain.

I am still working at the Corvallis hospital in medical records. This year I hit a wall at my job and have started to struggle more with the feeling of being sucked in by the daily grind. Things are constantly changing in our department and if management isn't able to wisely keep up with the changes... the employees suffer. I do enjoy the fast-paced-ness of the job and the great working relationship I have with many of the physicians.

In October our big day arrived! To view some more of our favorite wedding pictures, click here.

We spent our wedding night in Albany and headed out the next day to spend 4 nights in Hood River. We stayed at a beautiful bed and breakfast and enjoyed being the only guests that week.We were able to make day trips to Multnomah Falls, the Columbia Gorge Hotel and take a trip on the Mount Hood Railroad.

After our getaway we headed home for two nights to do laundry and re-pack and then loaded up the car and Jordan and took off for a week long adventure to Disneyland! We spent one day each at Disneyland, California Adventure and Universal Studios. At the end of the trip we all agreed that we didn't think we could choose a favorite park, just favorite attractions. Jordan and I are both huge fans of the roller coasters! The day we were are Universal it was 95 degrees so our favorite attractions were the ones that kept us wet.

I had thought that after the wedding and honeymoons life might slow down a little bit so we could regroup but that was wishful thinking. It seems that we plowed right into the holiday season with gusto and here were are, enjoying the heck out of it! :)

We have some big plans in the works for our family in the near future. Jordan has been struggling in school for the last several years so we are working towards me quitting my job and staying home to homeschool him next year. We aren't able to give up the income I bring in, so I am in the process of starting a home childcare business. I have started taking the required classes for this process and it's both scary and exciting! I'm thrilled at the idea of staying home with my boy (and future children, which are hopefully not too far off!) and helping him learn in fun and exciting ways. We think it may be just the ticket for him.

As we throw ourselves into new and exciting adventures, we hope you and your family find yourselves healthy and happy as well!

Wishing you a holiday season full of love and peace,

The Hanolds

Living the dream. For serious.

2011-12-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

Ok. Maybe I've learned. Time never slows down. There is never enough of it. And I will never blog as much as I would like to. (It's even worse now that our laptop died because I can't blog in bed in the evenings anymore.) (Not that I did that very much anyway.)

Here is a quick list of what the heck we've been up to lately! In no particular order...

I cut my hair! I grew it out for FIVE YEARS for the wedding and it was super long. I did love my long hair (it turns out that Steve prefers it long) but it was in my way all the time and always pulled back in a ponytail or boring braid. After the honeymoons I cut 11 inches off and donated it to Locks of Love. I must say, I like it short. :)

Jordan has a girlfriend. It's his best buddy from his after school program and apparently things are quite serious between them. *wink* Don't ask him about it.

I am planning to quit my job.

Yes, seriously! We are very seriously looking at me quitting my job and staying home to homeschool Jordan next year. Ideally I would quit in the spring and start up a home childcare business to generate income for our family. Then I would begin homeschooling Jordan when school lets out (unofficially at first and then more seriously in the fall). He is unsure about whether he wants to do that (he likes school for the social aspect) but it's the direction we're leaning. I have a post about that brewing in my head, too!

Along with working toward me staying home and doing everything I just mentioned, we are working on growing our family. No news yet!

We are decorated for Christmas! I love this time of year. And I love the excitement that Jordan has the entire month of December.

Tonight I'm going with my sister and two other girls to David's Bridal because now it's KENDRA'S turn to plan her wedding! :) We are looking at bridesmaid dresses together.

Life goes on, busy as ever! I thought things would slow down a bit after the wedding and truthfully, they have. But I'll be honest, I would rather spend an evening in bed with my boys and a movie than writing a blog post. ;) And who can blame me for that??

Oh! One more thing!

For the last several years I've had an allergy (or "sensitivity") to chocolate. More specifically, to caffeine. If I consumed it I would get horrible horrible headaches and vertigo.

Recently Steve brought home this evil kettlecorn drizzled with fudge. You guys, the stuff is amazing. And I tried a piece. And then I tried a whole bowl full. And I didn't die! I didn't even get a little bit sick. So I tried it two more times. (This stuff is SO good.)

Then I tried a piece of chocolate. And then a mug of hot chocolate.

And I still didn't die! (Mind you, I did spread these things out over the course of several days.)

So I am very happy to say that I think my sensitivity may be a thing of the past and I am SO EXCITED about it! I can't even tell you how heavenly that stupid mug of hot chocolate was. I'm sure I looked like a total dork while I was drinking it.

Bliss, I tell you.

The moment you've all been waiting for...

2011-11-10T21:23:00.000-08:00

Wedding photos!!

I feel that I need to do a really long post all about that wonderful day (heck, I need to record it SOMEWHERE) but I think that may be a process. Here are a few photos to tide you over, in the hopes that I'll find some follow-through and actually write a big long post. I have several posts brewing in my head, along with some big news to share (we're not pregnant!) so I need to sit down soon and tap all that out!

And now, without further ado...

Up to my ears

2011-09-18T09:58:00.001-07:00

Obviously it's been just a bit nuts around here. With the wedding looming in 13 DAYS, blogging hasn't been at the very top of my list.

Instead I've been crunching numbers, searching for certain ribbon, being showered with gifts, assembling things, making things and thinking about more things than my brain actually has room for!

I picked up my dress last week, all altered and beautiful. :) Now my goal is to not gain even half a pound in the next two weeks!

My trial hair appointment was a fail. When I called the lady to talk about it she didn't seem super interested in working with me to find something I liked, so I cancelled my appointment and rescheduled somewhere else.

My mom has been an absolute saint through all of this. If it weren't for her I would have lost my mind ten times over by now. (At least.)

Jordan is getting QUITE excited about our upcoming trip to Disneyland (and California Adventure and Universal Studios). Which reminds me, I have a lot of online stuff to do besides blogging!

Don't hold your breath on hearing from me again within a month or so! But when I come back it will be with wedding photos. :)

Turning ten

2011-07-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

Every year I write Jordan a letter on his birthday. Last year I read his letter to him but this year I chose not to because I wanted to write it more for history's sake. Plus I've spent a lot of time lately telling him how great he is and how well he's doing in certain areas so I didn't feel like I was depriving him of that by not reading this one to him. :) So without further ado... his ten year letter.

Jordan,

Today you are TEN YEARS OLD. I have now known you for over five years and you are turning into the most incredible kid. This year you have grown by leaps and bounds in pretty much every way except physically. You are still a little shrimp at 51 pounds. :) Your small size makes you the favorite among your peers and you continue to be one of the popular ones wherever you go. You gravitate towards older, bigger kids and they love you because you’re small enough to cart around and easily wrestle with.

School was a challenge for you in 3^rd grade. You and your teacher didn’t mesh well and we didn’t feel like she was a good advocate for you. You struggled with a few situations regarding other kids that we felt weren’t handled the way they should be. You often came home from school frustrated about how the day had gone and telling me that Mrs. H was your least favorite teacher yet. Of course this was hard for Daddy and I to hear and we started to discuss homeschooling you in 5^th grade. One-on-one instruction is what you thrive on and I think it would be so helpful to be able to tailor lessons to your specific needs and interests. It’s something we are seriously talking about. (Plus, we’re hoping you will have a baby brother or sister around that time and that Mommy will be home anyway!)

Grandma has been having some more serious health problems this year and it led to finding different childcare for you during your before and after school hours. After hunting around and checking out our options we settled on a community after school program, where you go for about 30 minutes in the morning and about an hour in the afternoon. You LOVE it. There is a huge array of activities and you were able to spend lots of time playing outside. You made some new friends there and always had fun things to tell me about your day.

You have become more mature in choosing your friends this year and have a very nice group of them. Colyn was your best friend last year but this year he took to throwing you under the bus a few times. When Daddy asked if you wanted to invite him to your birthday party you told him, “He lied to three teachers to get me in trouble and he slapped me in the face. No.” Your best friend at school is Alex and your best friend at your after school program is Kylie. Dalton and Riley are among your best buds and although you don’t see them much, you also like spending time with Mason, Rhonen and Blu. You also love to play with your cousins and Mommy’s older boy cousins.

This summer you went back to YMCA camp and it’s been a bit different than last year. You’re learning more about bullies and how to deal with them and have been doing an excellent job with that. There is one boy in particular that has been causing some problems and you even asked if we could set up a meeting with a counselor to talk about him. I’ve been very proud of the way you’ve used your words and not your hands. Andrew is your friend of choice at camp and you also spend a lot of time with Jonah.

Your eating habits still leave something to be desired, despite our efforts to encourage (and sometimes force) you to try new things. You have started to get tired of Happy Meals (HALLELUJAH!) and have moved on to Popcorn Chicken from KFC. I’m sure that’s not great for you either but at least it’s real chicken. :) Daddy and I still hope that your stubbornness about food will wear off and that you’ll branch out in what you like, especially with fruits and vegetables. This year your foods of choice were Top Ramen, Happy Meals, KFC chicken, fruit snacks, chips, cereal, popcorn, chocolate milk, juice, sweets, French toast and ice cream. Occasionally we can get you to eat some peanuts or pistachios. :)

You are learning to ride a unicycle this year and you are mere weeks away from mastering it! Nana got you started on it and at first you were less than excited about it but did it to please her. Now that you’re really getting the hang of it you have started to love it and can see your own progress. It’s exciting to watch you! You also learned to skateboard this year in PE and Daddy brought you home a skateboard from the lost and found at work, which you love.

You are a little fish and LOVE water. Swimming is your favorite activity and even though you complain about taking baths, once you get in the tub, you tend to enjoy them. You still take baths instead of showers but will sometimes use the shower to rinse your soapy hair when you’re done. You have finally started washing your own hair and getting yourself dried off, much to our delight. You have been known to stay in the tub for up to an hour, singing and playing and commentating. The cats usually feel the need to supervise your bath time and they have each fallen in a time or two, which is pretty much the most hilarious thing ever.

You love paper and can make all sorts of creative crafts out of it, your favorite being paper airplanes. If given a pen, the first thing you will draw is always, without fail, a skeleton. Your letterboxing signature stamp is also a skeleton.

You have been inquiring about dreams a lot lately and will ask almost every day, “So, didja have any bad dreams last night?” I don’t often have bad dreams but Daddy and I do have a lot of dreams in general so it’s been funny to talk about them.

We got rid of cable TV this year and were hoping that would naturally cut down on TV time. Many of the things you like to watch can be found on Netflix, however, so you’ve switched to that. Our Wii gets lots of use between Netflix and video games. You and Daddy love to play Super Mario Brothers together.

You are one of the most creative, imaginative kids I know and when I ask you to pack your library bag with activities, the things you choose are hilarious. One week at church you had a little wooden box, a phone cord, a dog leash, a funnel, a bouncy ball, a ring from a ring toss game and a Lego stick thing. You had the best time.

You still hate getting your hair cut and going to bed. Your favorite shoes this year are your hiking boots and 8 out of 10 pair of your pants have giant holes in the left knee. You don’t like to wear long sleeves but sweatshirts are ok. You LOVE to play in the sand and get dirty. We got a new car this year and your favorite seat is in the VERY back, facing backwards. You make up your own jokes and songs and make us laugh all the time.

This year you love Legos, Star Wars, Mario, Pokemon, superheroes, anything to do with science, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Goosebumps (or really anything scary), Transformers and history. You like to quiz Mommy on the presidents (which is good for me because I’m terrible with them). You’ve also taken a liking to board games and we love to play “I’m Thinking of an Animal” together. You’re awesome at that game.

This summer you’ve been spending a couple of hours with Caryn in the mornings and she has been tutoring you in reading and math. You’re really enjoying it and have grown in leaps and bounds in just a few short weeks. Daddy and I are so impressed at how far you’ve come and you can’t wait to wow your teachers when school starts. You missed out on learning your multiplication tables toward the end of 3^rd grade and Caryn has taught you 0 through 10 in just a few short weeks. Once you master them, your reward is a canoe trip with her and Colby! You can now read easy level books all on your own and you have blazed through all of the Dr. Seuss books at Nana and Grandpa’s house. I’ve noticed you reading signs and packages more often and that’s really exciting for me. I hope that reading becomes something you enjoy. When I ask your about your day, your favorite part is often your morning with Caryn.

It’s hard to believe that you’re ten years old already and Daddy and I are so excited for this coming year. You have some wonderful traits and skills and interests and it’s so fun to watch those unfold. I can’t wait to see where 10 takes you. :)

We love you with all our hearts,

Mommy and Daddy

That mom

2011-06-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

We all know one of those moms. The ones you talk about among your girlfriends. The ones you think about as you parent your own children. Those moms are sometimes moms you admire and sometimes moms you hope to become nothing like. Those moms sometimes have kids you adore and you hope to raise your children similarly, and sometimes you look at their kids and wonder where they went wrong. (Come on, we all do it.)

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how I want to raise my kids. Part of it has to do with all the things we've been working with Jordan on (reading, chore lists, trying new foods, etc.). Part of it has to do with all the conversations we've been having about when to expand our family (soon). And part of it is because I want to be the best mom that I can be and it's just something I spend a lot of time thinking about. When you have a child they sort of consume your life and everything you do has either a direct or indirect effect on them. I want those effects to be positive.

In all of my thinking I decided I should make a record of said thoughts. Something for me to refer back to when the going gets tough. Something for me to add to as I continue to learn and grow as a mom. Here's a little bit of the mom I want to be (this applies to Jordan and to future children of ours):

I want to breastfeed my babies exclusively for as long as possible. (This will be partly dependent on whether I can quit my job and stay home with our kids.)
I want to babywear.
I want to make my own baby food! This is actually something I've long been excited about and I have several resources lined up for when that time comes.
I want to homeschool. This was the right answer for my family when I was in school and I think it is the right answer for Steve and I and our family, too. Logistics are just tricky.
I want to be a non-worrier about things like messes and dirty kids. Kids learn when they explore and exploring is messy and dirty. I want to let my kids play in the mud and toss toys around on the floor and let the Cheerios fall from their trays and get peas in their hair as they learn to feed themselves. I saw a home decor sign the other day that said, "Please excuse the mess. Children are making memories." I want that to be reflected in our home.
I want to have adventures. I want to turn day-to-day things into exciting things my kids will remember.
I want to take MILLIONS of pictures!
I want to scrapbook. I don't even care anymore if it's digital scrapbooking, as long as we have a record of our lives. And I want to start this with creating a baby book for Jordan.
I want to read to my kids all. the. time.
I want to celebrate little/big things. Learning to tie shoes. Learning to ride a bike. Learning to read. These things seem small in the grand scheme of life but when you're a child, they are huge. And they should be celebrated.
I want to take time for my kids. I want to get down on the floor and play with them. I want to make up imaginary games with them. I want to draw with chalk and swim and wrestle and be silly with them.
I want to have a wall in our home where we display our kids' projects and art.
I want to have a "go-to" arsenal of activities for us to do so we always have ideas at our fingertips. (A recipe box full of crafts and games and activities comes to mind.)
I want to really instill VALUES into my kids. My family always said, "It's not what you want to be but who you want to be that matters." Relationships are the most important thing in life and I want my children to understand that.
I want to be the parents that show affection in front of our kids. :) I'm not afraid to love on Steve in front of Jordan and I think that's healthy for him to see. We use the phrase "I love you" more than the average family (I bet we say it dozens of times every day) and frankly, I hope we say it so much that Jordan gets tired of hearing it. :)
I want my children to learn through experiences. Not just by learning from their own mistakes (though I hope they will) but also learning just by living life. Just by being a part of a family or a group of friends or something bigger.
I want to teach my kids valuable things like how to cook and how to change a tire and how to balance a checkbook, at an early age. My parents did this for us (or provided the opportunities for it) and I am so thankful for that.

I will have so much more to add to this list, I know. But these are the things I could think of just off the top of my head.

Most of all, I want my children to remember their childhood as a wonderful time and when they look back on their lives, I hope they will remember all the memories we made as a family and that they will treasure those memories. You're only little once.

The view from here

2011-06-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

Well, we've been married for a month. And we love it.

In some respects it doesn't feel all that different than before. The day to day is mostly the same, the things we worry about are the same, the bills need to be paid just the same. :) But it's also different. It feels different. It is different.

And different is awesome.

On Memorial Day evening we took a little drive up to Foster to visit the fish hatchery. The hatchery was mostly locked up and there were only two little tanks of trout that we could get to, so we fed them a little. Then we took our extra fish food and drove around the lake and found a little side road with a bridge to ~~spit off of~~ enjoy the view from.

(Holy cow, my baby is getting so old.)

We used the pretty backdrop to get a few nice family pictures...

And then we got a couple of actually nice ones. :)

Life is busy as always! We're gearing up for the end of the school year, which is always exciting. Jordan is getting ready to start summer camp in a couple of weeks, which is also exciting! He's thrilled to see his camp friends again, and thrilled that his birthday is coming up next month. My brother's fiance will also be watching him in the mornings, and we're hoping to get a little head-start with some homeschooling during that time. I'm hopeful that this summer will be a real take-off time for him as far as reading goes. I'm anxious to put him through one more year of public school while really, seriously considering homeschooling in the fall of 2012. Our hope is that we'll be welcoming a new baby around that time as well, and that I can become a stay at home mom. :) Of course the reality of finances weighs us down a little in that dream. But we're still talking about it!

Our little garden is doing well... aside from the cucumber plants. I cannot keep those guys alive because something VERY persistent is eating them. My pepper plants also have chew holes in the leaves, as well as the lower leaves on my raspberries. I'm new to this gardening thing so I'm not sure how to get rid of whatever it is.

This weekend calls for sunny skies and temps around 80! We're so thrilled that we're packing up our fishing poles and a picnic and heading to the lake to celebrate Steve's 37th birthday with some friends. :) I'm so thankful for that man. Because he's MY man. :)

Big News

2011-05-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

Last week was full of exciting things for us!

First, because I had a birthday on Thursday. Birthdays are always fun, no matter how you slice it!

But the previous Sunday, on Easter, we had a seed planted in our heads and we started talking and discussing. All of our conversation led us to the decision to get married... last Saturday! So on April 30th, 2011, I married the love of my life. :)

Despite many people left wondering why we decided to do it so quickly, we feel very sure in our decision. We did it for spiritual reasons, as well as family reasons, and after praying and thinking and talking with our families, we just knew the timing was right and we were very ready.

Our good friend Pastor Dave performed the ceremony for us. He will also be doing the ceremony at our wedding in October, which is still happening! We cannot wait to celebrate with all of our friends and family in five months.

It feels incredible to be married! Sharing our news over the past week has been really fun, and there is nothing more wonderful than coming home to my HUSBAND at the end of the day! (Saying "my husband" is still something I am getting used to.)

Our family is growing and we are so excited about it!

(And despite rumors and assumptions, nobody is pregnant. ;) We hope to expand our family, possibly in 2012. Right now we are relishing our new marriage!)

Change

2011-04-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

Life has been full of change for us lately.

The biggest change happening for us is in Jordan's childcare. He is starting a before and after school program tomorrow, after being at his grandparents' house during that time since the dawning of his life in school. I will drop him off at this program at 6:45 in the morning and then head to work. He will take the bus to school and then back to the program after school, where I will pick him up.

We visited the program site on Friday afternoon so he could check it out and see where he would be going. I think he's going to really like it! They have games, computers, a Wii, blocks, toys and those melty beads that he adores. Of course when the leader asked him, "Do you like to do crafts?" he answered with, "Ehh... so-so." Yeah, whatever! :) He LOVES to do crafts!

I will stay with him for a bit tomorrow to make sure he's comfortable. I think he's going to love it, though. I have several friends and coworkers whose kids go or have gone to the same program and adored it.

Jordan is also getting super excited for summer camp this year. We picked up the camp schedule yesterday and I'm thrilled at all the fun things he gets to do (including a field trip to OMSI and one to a flour mill!). We were at the YMCA last night and ran into the camp leader, who Jordan just fell in love with last year. He asked if Jordan would be back this year and Jordan excitedly informed him that he would be.

We recently had Jordan's IEP meeting with all of his teachers and it went pretty well. There was one thing that really pissed me off and that was when I asked the principle if we could meet the 4th grade teachers and ask them some questions and kind of determine where we would like him placed next year (stemming from the fact that his 3rd grade teacher has NOT been a good match for him). She basically told us no, they will make that decision because they know the whole picture. Which I basically took to mean, "No, we know better than you what is best for your child, so butt out." I was not pleased but Steve told me later that another teacher had been mouthing to him, "I will help you." So I hope that he will be placed in a classroom that is good for him, with a teacher who wants to see him succeed. During the IEP meeting they would bring up a skill and ask if Jordan exhibits that skill in the classroom. His teacher would reply, with a sad look on her face, "No, he can't..."

How about no, he doesn't?? CAN'T is not a word they should be using for a kid who is so far behind grade level. I really feel that his teacher needs to have higher expectations of him so that he is pushed and stretched and made to grow. I can see that Jordan is frustrated being so far behind his peers, and it's almost like his teacher has written him off for the year and is pushing him on to the 4th grade teachers so that he can become their problem.

WRONG!

I am not going to sit back and watch my child be pushed through the system, falling further and further behind each year. He needs a teacher (like he had in 2nd grade) who will make it her personal goal to see him succeed for the year, and strive to help him arrive where he needs to be.

*deep breath*

It is still my dream to be able to quit my job and homeschool him. I believe that's what he really needs.

Which brings me to my next topic: Writing Road to Reading.

It's the program my parents used with my siblings (and a little bit with me, though I taught myself to read when I was 5, so I mostly just remember the parts I picked up from watching my brother and sister use the program) when we were all homeschooled. My mom bought the materials last week and we're really excited to start Jordan on it. It's a curriculum that teaches reading through writing and through using letters phonetically. We loved it and it was easy for us so I hope this is the breakthrough answer we need and that Jordan will be reading like a champ soon.

On top of all of these things (a lot to deal with at once!) I've been sick for three weeks with bronchitis and my car died! I finally went to the doctor last week and he put me on antibiotics and today I am finally starting to feel better. I'm coughing less, though I'm still stuffed up and can't hear out of one ear.

My car is just making me frustrated at this point. I spent several hundred dollars on it a few months ago, getting a new brake and rotor job. Now the O2 sensors are bad. And it's not firing on all six cylinders. And there is a head gasket leak. Which will cost a couple thousand to fix. It would be less if we had a family friend do it, but even then, I don't have a couple hundred to spend either. I think this is the beginning of the end for my car. I could fix these problems but a few months down the line, we'll just have more problems.

And so begins our search for a new car...

A mid-week break

2011-03-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

Jordan is sick.

Again.

This is his second ear infection in six weeks. He's had a cough for over a month, though THANKFULLY that is finally getting better. He is on antibiotics, two different steroids and an inhaler.

I stayed home from work with him today because Steve made the (treacherous) trip to Bend today to visit his mom, who is in a hospital there. He said there is no way he's making that drive twice in one day so he'll be staying the night in Bend and I'll be on Mom Duty.

I found that one little bonus of staying at home with a sick kid is that HOLY COW, my house is CLEAN!

I got up at about 9:00 this morning and jumped right in the shower. I folded four loads of laundry, vacuumed the house, cleaned the hedgehog cage, trimmed her nails, made beds, washed dishes, swept floors, cleaned the bathroom, mopped the bathroom floor and ceiling (mold) and wiped the bathroom counters down with vinegar to try to get rid of the DANG SUGAR ANTS!

Tonight we're having "Mommy/Jordan date night" and we'll eat popcorn and watch Survivor and then put a movie on in the bedroom. It'll be great.

Tomorrow Jordan has an appointment with an ENT to look at his ears again. This is the 5th (or so) ear infection that he's had in the last year and a half and it's getting ridiculous. They get so bad so fast because he has a crazy high pain tolerance, so he never tells us his ear hurts, just that he can't hear. But by that point he has a raging double infection. So I'm hoping the ENT has some answers for us.

And now, off to give medicine and eat dinner and start bath time!

The 500th post

2011-03-01T10:11:00.000-08:00

It has been a BUSY two months since I last posted!

Let's see, I had just gotten engaged...

Since then I have been living in a whirlwind of wedding planning and life. We have booked our location and photographer, asked our wedding party to, well, be our wedding party, I chose a dress and this week we are working on cake, flowers and food. There is SO much to planning a wedding, I tell ya. It can get so overwhelming and I'm trying to pace myself and only work on a couple of tasks at a time.

We also had a parent/teacher conference yesterday. Those can be stressful for us because Jordan is on an IEP (Individualized Education Program) and visits several different groups during the day to work on different skills (math, reading, speech). His teachers keep close tabs on his progress and do a lot of different testing to determine where he's at and what his needs are.

Yesterday we decided to have them do some more testing in the next couple of weeks to get a better feel for his current needs. He is operating way below grade level and that can be very discouraging. Yesterday's meeting also made us think about some changes we can make at home and different skills to work on. The first thing we're going to try is a chore chart, in hopes that it will help Jordan keep himself on track and be able to follow multiple instructions in a row without getting off track. We talked this morning about different chores that we can put on the chart and different rewards he can earn when he follows through. He seems excited about it.

I'm also hoping to decrease cartoons and video games and limit those to a time of day AFTER he has completed some schoolwork and we've done reading together. They get so distracting for him and once he's started watching a show it's really hard to pull him away and keep his focus on another activity, especially if it's something that is difficult for him. I've been really impressed with his hard work lately on vocab and spelling and other schoolwork so I hope this is a positive change.

Another thing we have been talking about is homeschooling him when he hits 6th grade. In a perfect world, we will have at least one more child by then and I would be able to stay home with the kids and teach Jordan during the day. Financially I'm not sure this is realistic but it's kind of a dream we have and one that we haven't ruled out.

Other things we've been up to:

READING!
Anticipating a trip to the snow to go tubing
Playing with kitties
Laughing
Having consistent date nights/family nights every week
Spending lots of time with my family
Talking about goals and plans of action
Avoiding dishes
Trying to go to bed earlier! :)

The Proposal

2010-12-26T10:25:00.000-08:00

This is my 499th post... And let me just say that it would have been super cool if it was my 500th, but I have to tell this story!

The Proposal

As some of you know, Steve and I met about 5 1/2 years ago. He is a city transit bus driver and he drove me to work every day for almost a year. :)

As a little side story, I remember the first time he talked to me and I remember thinking, "WHY is this bus driver talking to me?? Bus drivers don't just strike up random conversations with random passengers..." I found out later that he had noticed me (and the cross necklace I was wearing) the very first time I got on his bus and he had said a prayer and asked God to bring me into his life.

After riding his bus for several months, my work schedule changed and I no longer took his route every day. When I told him this, he took a used bus ticket out of his pocket, scribbled something on it and told me, "Here. In case you get bored." As I walked away, I looked at the ticket and saw that he had written his phone number.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve, 2010...

We have been together for more than 5 years and we've done things a little backwards, in that I've started some of the wedding planning already and we have a date set. Because of all that, I knew a proposal was coming and I even had a hunch that it might happen the night that it did.

But he still managed to make it a surprise!

Jordan and I were spending Christmas Eve at my parents' house while Steve had to work until the evening. We had all finished dinner and my mom had read Jordan a Christmas book and we were all sitting in the living room together, basically waiting for Steve to get off work. My phone beeped and I had a text from Steve, telling me to come out to his bus in two minutes.

I was a little confused because his route doesn't go down my parents street, but I put my shoes on and headed out to the front porch. As I was waiting, I looked over and saw my whole family sitting on the couch, watching out the window.

Steve drove around the corner and there just happened to be about 4 car lengths worth of parking on the street (this never happens on my parents' street) so he pulled over and I ran across the street to his bus. As I stepped on he told me, "Go to the back for a second."

I walked to the back of the bus and when I turned around to see why I was back there, he was right behind me and got down on one knee. That's when it hit me for sure, "He's going to propose!"

He said that he figured since we met on the bus, he thought it would be neat to bring it full circle. He said some other sweet things to me and then asked me to be his wife!

And of course I said yes!

My mom told me later that after he slipped the ring on my finger, Jordan was sitting on the couch saying, "They're kissing... Ok, MORE hugging and kissing!" He is very excited, too. :)

When I went back in the house, my sister jumped up and exclaimed, "MY SISTER IS ENGAGED!!!!" My dad told me later that evening, "Cheer up, would ya?" ;)

We have been on cloud 9 ever since and are having a wonderful time telling people our good news! Thank you all for your love and good wishes! :)

Cat videos

2010-12-22T21:33:00.000-08:00

I have seen a couple of hilarious cat videos lately and I just had to share:

Kitten riding a turtle

How to wrap a cat for Christma s

Pattycake cats

The Monthly Post

2010-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

I have fans! I mean, apparently. I've had more than one person tell me this week that they really miss my posts. So here I am!

It's been crazy long since I've been here but life has calmed down considerably since mid-October and the main highlight was Thanksgiving weekend! Some favorite moments...

My brother and my cousin took a bunch of us out shooting and it was the first time I'd ever shot a gun. It was SO MUCH FUN. As you can clearly see by the look on my face, I had a total blast.

One of the other things we've been doing a lot of is hanging out with friends and their kiddos. I recently had a friend move back from Vancouver and she and her 3 munchkins and I went shopping one afternoon. Here are Jazmyn and Kylin modeling hats...

While Jackson chills out in the stroller. :)

Remember when baby Boston was born back in May? He's SEVEN months old now!

Christmas is just a couple of days away and I'm super excited about it. Jordan is going to make out like a bandit this year. I'm pretty sure this is the year he's trying to convince himself that Santa is real. He asked for a gift that he didn't think he would get from Mom and Dad (a huge, awesome, expensive Nerf dart gun) and has been asking questions like, "Wait... do we HAVE a chimney?" (We do not.) Needless to say, Santa will deliver!

I promised myself I would go to bed EARLY tonight so it's time to go feed the hedgehog and pack my lunch. Hooray for tomorrow being the last work day of the week! Again, I'm so excited for Christmas. I have two more shopping stops to make tomorrow and then I'm all ready!

I'll be back very soon with photos and stories of Christmas festivities. :)

The one where I ramble

2010-10-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

What? Only two weeks since my last post?? That's almost a record for this year!

My brother and cousin took my dad's guns and went shooting this morning... They invited me along and I did want to go because I've never shot a gun before but they said they would likely be gone most of the day.

We're supposed to (finally) go to the pumpkin patch today! The weather SUCKS and if it were up to me I would probably just go buy a pumpkin at the grocery store, but somehow that seems unfair to Jordan. The kid should visit a pumpkin patch!

However, it's 11:30am and I'm pretty sure he and Steve aren't even up and dressed yet...

Family game night tonight! It's been weeks since we've had one and all the "regulars" are coming so it ought to be tons of fun.

Tomorrow we have plans to go to the local Harvest Party before doing a bit of Trick or Treating with some friends. I think I also remember a discussion about pizza.

Next weekend the same friends are leaving town overnight so we're watching their kiddos (6 years and 5 months) for them. I'm looking forward to it.

I have wedding on my brain every day... Currently trying to find a venue that will hold 250 people but will also be AFFORDABLE. It's surprising how many places around here will "only" hold around 150.

I still want to go back to school. I'm not totally sure for what. The thing that interests me most is speech therapy. The thing that scares me is timing. I'm getting married in a year and planning a wedding while going back to school sounds totally overwhelming. Then we want to have more kids right away. At least two of them. Maybe three of them. So, long story short, there is NO good time to go back to school and I should just DO IT. Eventually I want to stay home with my kids but I also want to have some sort of education so I can help support my family if I need to.

I still love having cats. Those dumb furry creatures are so cute and hilarious. They run to the door and rub against my legs when I come home. They purr in my face while I'm trying to sleep and they keep my feet warm at night. And they're such goofs!

I thought about doing NaBloPoMo again this year but I really feel like I would be struggling to find things to post about and, once again, I don't want to make it so I don't WANT to post when it's over. So I probably won't. I know you'll be terribly disappointed.

My sister just walked in and said, "Ack! You're on my computer!" which I assume means she wants to use it. ;) Off to do something else!

Hope your Halloween isn't too SPOOKY!

Fall

2010-10-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

Miss us?

Here's what we've been up to!

Starting 3rd grade...

Learning our best friend is in our class...

Attending the annual Pirate Party that Mommy's friend throws...

Snuggling babies...

Jumping in leaves...

Spending afternoons with friends...

Canning delicious applesauce...

EATING delicious applesauce...

Learning to ride a unicycle!

Trying new foods...

Looking at possible wedding venues...

Attending game nights with friends from church...

Playing with WORMS...

Making a worm farm...
Celebrating five year anniversaries!

Enjoying Mommy's favorite season... fall!

On life

2010-09-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

Life is just trucking along... being life! And though I've been posting this summer about how wonderful summer has been and how much we've been loving it (it was and we totally were), not everything about my life is peaches and cream.

I'm working really hard at enjoying the little things in life. Soaking in the moment and not letting things pass me by.

I'm going to miss packing Jordan's lunches for him and I try to remember that when I'm about to crawl into bed and I realize that I haven't packed his lunch OR my own. It's easy for me to just say, "Oh, I'll grab something from the cafeteria" but he doesn't have that luxury. (I also remind myself of this when I UNpack his lunches and find that he's barely eaten a thing.)

I am reminding myself, sometimes daily, that money does not equal happiness. Sure, not living paycheck to paycheck would cut down on STRESS levels in this house, but we have the things that matter. We are warm, we are full and we have love. And cats.

I am trying to remember each day when I ask Jordan how school was and he says, "fine" and then tells me that he can't remember what he learned about in school because "it was a long day," that that's ok. Instead, I try to ask more pointed questions and try to pull information out of him. And it usually works.

I remind myself when Steve is being super annoying and is getting on my nerves that he is truly an amazing guy and that he treats me wonderfully. He kisses me when he leaves the house and he kisses me when he comes home. He tells me he loves me, even if we're bickering. He PRAYS for me every day. He asked me to be the mother of his son.

I remember that sometimes houses are messy. Sometimes sinks are full of dirty dishes. Sometimes laundry baskets overflow. And that's ok! (You know, until you run out of clean underwear.) Because really, more memories are made reading books together than they are if Jordan is watching cartoons and I'm washing dishes and folding laundry.

And when Jordan ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT EAT ANYTHING HEALTHY NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY, I remind myself that he will eventually grow out of it. Hopefully. (And we're actually going to start a sort of eating behavior program sometime soon to encourage new foods. And less Happy Meals.)

And when my boys get home at the end of the day? I hit "Publish" on my blog posts and go spend time with them before bed. :)

Reading to Know

2010-09-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

I have to give this its own post instead of leaving it tucked away at the bottom of my last post.

My friend Carrie is hosting some amazing giveaways this week over at her blog, Reading to Know.

These giveaways are to celebrate her upcoming birthday this weekend AND to celebrate her newly announced pregnancy! I'm so excited for her and her family.

Click over and see what she has to give away this week! There are some truly awesome books.

2010-08-31T20:35:00.000-07:00

Ever tried to write a blog post when your significant other is BEYOND tired and his tiredness is making him incredibly loopy and INCREDIBLY annoying? And because of it your son is laughing hysterically at all the stupid things his dad is doing? And you have cats trying to win Olympic medals in the speed category for Hallway Running?

Welcome to my life. :)

We have done so much in the last couple of weeks!

We spend an afternoon floating on a river with my mom:

I took a 4 day camping trip with one of my coworkers and had a perfectly fun and relaxing time:

(her boyfriend, Scott)

Steve and Jordan came for one fabulous afternoon on the beach. It was gorgeous!

Jordan and I enjoyed the hot air balloons at a local annual festival. Neither of us had ever seen a hot air balloon "in action" before so it was extremely fascinating and cool for us (even if it meant leaving the house before 6:30am on a Saturday).

We even got to go to Night Glow and see them lit up! So pretty...

Jordan finished up summer camp for the year... He told me he will really miss his counselors. They were wonderful! (L-R: Oppie, Dandylion, Goose and Number 5)

And most recently, we took family photos down by the river:

I'm not quite ready for summer to be over but when I woke up to rain yesterday morning I realized I'm also ready for fall. We are gearing up for Jordan's third grade open house this week and his first day of school next week. This will be the first time I've ever DONE a first day of school, so we'll see how I do.

Steve had told Jordan he could grow his hair out for the whole summer and last night he FINALLY took him to get it cut.

Before:
After:
I love it!

And finally, hop on over to my friend Carrie's book blog and check out all the amazing giveaways she's hosting this week! It's all in honor of her newly announced pregnancy and I'm so excited for her and her family!

Stream of Consciousness

2010-08-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

Jordan is camping with his grandparents this weekend and I miss him. I miss coming home at the end of the day and playing games with him and making him dinner and laughing at the things he says and listening to him tell me about his day. I miss walking down the hall to the family room to see him passed out on the couch because summer camp is just EXHAUSTING. He asked me last week, "Mommy, can I PLEASE go back next year??" He is having a ton of fun there.

I realized in looking back at my recent posts (which there are not many of) that I haven't posted many pictures of my animals! And speaking of animals... one of my frogs got flushed this week. The cat knocked their bowl off the counter a couple of weeks ago and I'm wondering if he got injured or something. Anyhow, out of Larry (a snail), Daryl and Daryl, just the other brother Daryl is left. (By the way, Shade looks like a total freak in this first picture.)

Tegan is getting bigger and looking less kitten-ish but she's still super tiny, which I like. I guess her mom is a little tiny thing too so maybe she will stay small! I gave both cats flea baths this week and survived... I was surprised at how well they did. Which is good, because the fleas are BAD this year and they may have to have another bath in a week or two.

I have been stuffing myself silly on fruit this year. Blueberries and nectarines mostly, though also a ton of cantaloupe and grapes. I can't get enough. Oh, and egg sandwiches, my other new love.

Jordan and I have been talking a lot lately about names for his future brothers and sisters and it's so entertaining to hear his ideas. Although he has had a few good ones, too!

Today it's 97 degrees. It's almost 6pm so I'm hoping it cools down from here and doesn't get any hotter tonight. There is a heat watch in effect until Monday at 9pm so this weekend is gonna be a scorcher. On top of today's heat there is a hot, muggy wind. Ick. Ice cream tonight for sure.

The last River Rhythms was last night. Joe Diffie was playing and put on a GREAT show. I didn't realize going in quite how famous he was but it turns out that I know most of his songs and not the name behind them. I am a bit of a cowgirl at heart and had a fantastic time. Had the weather not been so hot I would have worn my hat and boots!

The next big thing coming up on my calendar is a camping trip with a friend/coworker next weekend. We're going to the coast and will be at a place that is RIGHT on the beach so I'm super excited. I'm taking along books and magazines that have been piling up and I plan to lay on the beach and read the day away. And when I get back it will be time for Steve and I to start planning our FIFTH ANNIVERSARY trip. (I can't believe it.)

Blogging is hard for me lately. Life is SO good and I am spending all my spare time just soaking it up. Two nights ago we went to Steve's brother's to celebrate his engagement with the family and had a great time sitting outside with a fire crackling, just laughing and joking. His fiance is a lot like me and the whole night was just FUN. (And somewhat hilarious how SHE told the proposal story a little different than HE did.)

My siblings and their SO's have been in Idaho all week and I miss those guys! I'm hoping to make it to Saturday Coffee with friends tomorrow and then might hit up the Farmers Market before the day gets too hot. It will be a challenge to stay cool this weekend... Perhaps a trip to a river is in order.

People ask my mom, "How are you?" and she tells them, "I'm just livin' the dream!" And for her it's true.

It's become true for me, too. This is the life I want and the life I craved while I was otherwise committed at Dorothy's. My boys beside me, my cats meowing, dirty dishes and laundry and little faces... Sure, it would be great to not struggle financially. But the important things? I have them. And I'm not taking them for granted.

Simply Summer

2010-08-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

We are absolutely sucking the life out of summer around here. We are LOVING IT. Our weekends are full, our evenings are packed, our cheeks are sun-kissed, our bodies are not getting enough sleep, our cars are dirty and our laundry is never ending. Pure fun.

One of mine and Jordan's new favorite activities is River Rhythms here in town. Free concerts once a week at a riverfront park! Last week my coworker and I packed a picnic and off we went. The band that night was a Neil Diamond cover band and the music mixed with the atmosphere of the crowd (plus the great friends!) made for a really awesome night.

The other big thing we did recently (you know, besides going flying and having a birthday and all the OTHER big things we've done!) was the Willamette Celebration. There was a crowd of 13,000, how could that NOT be fun?? Our little group turned into a bigger group of great friends and family and we played and sang and danced along to big-name Christian bands until it was way past our bedtimes.

(It was purely coincidental that I wore the same outfit to both events! Haha.)

And we're not done. August holds even more awesome, fun things for us! In 2009 I didn't get much of a summer. 2010 is SO making up for it. We are not letting this one pass us by! =)

Nine

2010-07-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Jordan,

I keep telling you that I’m going to put a brick on your head to stop you from growing, and I just might do it! Though this morning when I said that you told me, “Well, it would just fall off because my head is round!” So you see, you’re a smart little cookie.

You’re nine years old today. NINE YEARS OLD! I didn’t even meet you until you were 4 and still I can’t believe where the time has gone.

You are turning into quite the kid. Last week I babysat our friends’ kids for a few hours in the evening and I sat you down beforehand and told you my expectations for the evening. I expected you to listen carefully and to be respectful to your friends and to me. I told you if you met these expectations then we would all take a trip to the park. And you did. And so we did.

Now you talk to me about your Expectation Self and I have to say, I love this idea. And you rise to the occasion and you are a good listener and a respectful kid. It makes me proud.

You are still the pickiest eater I have ever known in my life. No kind of bribery can get you to try a new food. One day I stuck a mango in your face and you discovered that you actually like the taste of mango, but even still you wouldn’t try a piece! You are also the most stubborn child I think I have ever known in my life! :)

But you are a charmer. And there isn’t much that melts my heart like when you walk into the room and say in your cute little voice, “Hey, Mommy?” and then fire off some questions. You’re very curious and I like that about you.

We have started going to the library each week and you love that, too. First you check out the new release section, then the DVD section (Reading Rainbow is a new enjoyment), then the Children’s section. We usually pick a row and pull 8 or 10 books from that row without branching out much. The next week we choose a different row. You are most interested in the books with the Halloween symbol on the side because these tend to be the spooky books. You are also really enjoying chapter books and having a chapter read to you before bed at night. Right now we are reading a spooky chapter book so it’s the best of both worlds!

Your sense of humor is, well, humorous. We are constantly laughing at your antics and the goofy things you say. You understand puns and are quite creative. Comebacks are called “talk-backs” and you have your fair share of those as well. You get extra silly around your friends and are usually the group clown.

You are also the popular one. Kids swarm to you and you can often be found acting as the ringleader. It makes me laugh how terrible you are with names and you tend to call kids, “Hey, Dude!” instead of by their name. This year your good buddies are Mason, Colyn, Kyali and Adrian.

This summer you started day camp through the Y and you are loving it. Each Friday they ask if you’ll be back the following week and each time you answer them with an enthusiastic YES! You have made several friends at camp and the counselors love you. The other day when I came to pick you up they told me that the day before they were watching you as you wrote on a sticky note. You took this note in your hand and went to a counselor, patted her on the back and told her how nice she was. When another counselor “investigated” this he found a note on her back saying, “kig me.” So once again, you’re a ham!

You are an amazing artist and are constantly drawing animals and monsters and creatures. Recently my mom asked for a dragon drawing and you told her, “It’ll cost you a dollar.” At her surprise you replied, “What! I don’t work for free. I’m the best artist you could ever find!” And in the end, it really was a pretty awesome dragon.

You love family nights and all things to do with games. You’re very competitive and you love learning new things. You love to sing (especially in the bathtub or shower) and you know a good number of the words to many Michael Jackson songs. You love being outside and getting down and dirty. Your favorite shoes are your cowboy boots and you are not a fan of wearing shorts. You love your cats and you love corn chips and pistachios. We often call you our fish because you adore swimming and will wear yourself plumb out in the pool. Your laugh is contagious and you hate getting your hair cut. You have a special love for science and are thrilled when we do experiments. You ask lots of questions and listen carefully to the answers. You are very good at reading people and are a very intuitive guy.

And as for Daddy and I? Well, we think you are pretty much the coolest kid ever and we love you with all our hearts.

Hugs and kisses,

Mommy and Daddy

Summer lovin'

2010-07-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

We have plans this summer.

We have things we're gonna do!

In no particular order, here is what we plan to keep busy with for the next couple of months:

Go berry picking

Camp out in the backyard

Maybe take an actual camping trip

Read ourselves silly

Make tons of summer food (like BBQ'd pizza!)

Go for family bike rides

Swim a lot!

(Hopefully) make a trip to Silverwood Theme Park in Washington

Hang a tire swing in the backyard (shh, this is my brother's birthday present to Jordan)

Go to River Rhythms and other various outdoor music activities.

Take advantage of one day of free admission to the county fair through my place of work

Throw a super fun birthday party for Jordan

Enjoy the sunshine!

How about you??

Das Not Funny! Friday : Jordan-isms

2010-07-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

Click here to learn what Das Not Funny! Friday is all about.

Here are some things Jordan has said recently that have solicited chuckles from us:

**********

While at a rest stop:

Jordan looked over at a guy on his motorcycle and said, "Looks like somebody needs a lift on their ride!"

**********

Playing football with friends, it was suggested that they play on their knees because two of the kids were way bigger than the other kids and were dominating the game.

After about two minutes on their knees Jordan exclaims, "This is so humiliating!"

**********

We were at somebody's house and Jordan commented, "That's a classy couch." A minute later he observed, "Classy piano."

I looked his direction and he said to me, "What? I can't say classy twice??"

**********

"Is Ryan having a baby?"

No, but his wife is.

"Hm. How are babies made?"

**********

Laughing in the direction of his dad's back - "Hee hee. How do you spell 'kick'?"

**********

My mom commissioned Jordan to draw her a dragon picture. He told her, "It'll cost you a dollar."

At her surprise he said, "What? I don't do pictures for free! I'm the best artist you'll ever find!"

**********

On my birthday Jordan spent close to an hour in my mom's craft room making me a birthday card. He brought it upstairs and told me, "You will just cry tears when you see this. You'll love it!"

**********

A friend from school was having Jordan do something with his hands, one step at at time. Jordan told me, "And in the end it made my hand into a gun and we're not allowed to have guns at school and I was not expecting that!"

**********

My sister made some inside joke that half the room didn't understand. Jordan chuckled and my mom leaned over to him and said, "I don't even know what that means."

Jordan laughed, waved his hands and said, "Me either, just play along!"

**********

Zest

2010-07-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

I’m loving life.

I wish summer would hurry up and BE SUMMER and I wish I had a working dryer, but other than that, I’m loving life.

The house is great. I can overlook the little annoying things, like the fact that the cupboard under the kitchen sink smells like you might think the space under the house would smell, because there is, in fact, a small space around a pipe that isn’t sealed so the air under the house comes into the cupboard.

Or the fact that the last guy who rented the place decided that he would be super helpful and replace all the pipes under the sinks, even though there was NOTHING wrong with the old ones, and the ones he used are these piece of crap plastic, bendy things and they all leak and we have to keep buckets under two sinks to catch the drips.

Or the fact that we have birds living in the space above the front porch and in a crevice by the back door. (And apparently nesting season isn’t over yet because they won’t leave so we can close off the areas.)

But these things are little and while they DO matter (I mean, we’ll need to fix the sinks), they don’t REALLY matter in the grand scheme of things. I don’t mind emptying a little bucket of water every few days. Because I’m loving spending every evening with my boys and I’m loving my pets and I’m loving the BIGness of the house and all the space we have to move around and play.

The dryer is another story.

When I moved in I had a washer and dryer. We got them hooked up and I ran a load through the washer. It stopped halfway through the cycle, full of water and soap and towels, and nothing that I did would make it finish the cycle. I ended up having to wring the towels out, put them in a bin and take them somewhere else to re-wash them and dry them.

The dryer didn’t work either. It would run fine, and it would get hot, but it wouldn’t dry the clothes.

So I bought a new set. I spent $175 on a pair that somebody on craigslist couldn’t take with them to their next apartment because they didn’t have washer/dryer hookups. It’s a great set – white, clean, big, working. The washing machine works GREAT. It’s quiet and it gets my clothes clean.

But the dryer? Not so much.

Turns out it’s not the dryer’s fault.

After much trial and error we had come to the conclusion that something in the exhaust pipe under the house must have disconnected. We took a leaf blower and stuck it down the vent but no air actually came out on the side of the house. It’s only about 12 feet away so something must have come undone for the air to not reach the outside. And now, because moisture has been sitting in the dryer duct for several days, everything is damp and smells like mildew. YUM.

Today, the husband of a friend of mine came over to crawl under the house and put in a new exhaust line.

He couldn't fit under the beams in the crawl space so he commissioned his skinny little brother to come over and crawl down there. After a few minutes of persuading and insisting that there were no mice under the house (which I'm not actually convinced of), he crawled down there, drug a section of flex-hose over to where it needed to be so we could reach it from above, and made twenty bucks.

(Now, mind you, this is after about two hours of peering and thinking and sticking our arms down holes to take pictures with the camera and more thinking...)

Of course right after this skinny little brother leaves, we discover that this section of pipe he has brought over to where it needs to be, is literally unraveling as we pull it through the hole in the floor. Who knows how long it's been down there. It's a piece of crap. We have to run a whole new pipe line down there but this little brother is the only one skinny enough to do it.

Tomorrow morning they'll be back. We're hoping to persuade him to crawl under there one more time and feed this GOOD QUALITY pipe to where it needs to be, so we can actually have a standard dryer exhaust line. There is one other added problem which is that the part of the current line that vents out of the house is fed through a piece of wood that is nailed in place under the house. So somehow we have to knock that down, but hopefully a kid on the other side of it with a hammer can get that done.

Oy.

We’ve fallen into a great routine, the boys and I. Jordan loves the house and loves spending lots of time there. I love being around to pack his lunch every day and kiss Steve hello when he gets home from work. And Jordan is simply loving summer camp and I love that he comes running at the end of every day, happy about everything he’s gotten to do.

I love walking down the hallway of the house to hear Jordan playing imaginatively in his room. Last night this happened and I stood outside his door, smiling and listening. I heard him say something about an experiment and teaching right from wrong. A second later the door opened and he saw me standing there and gave me a shy smile. He had his library book bag slug across his chest and the kitten under one arm. I asked him, “Teaching her right from wrong, huh?”

“Yep” he replied, and marched off to put her in the Kitty Jail. Later in the evening he wrote her a report card. She got an F in manners because she peed on the carpet (which she has never done before).

This kitten is so funny - she really doesn't like to be held but she will let Jordan tote her all over the house in things like book bags. Go figure.

I will definitely try to get a “Jordan-isms” post up soon because the kid is just cracking me up these days. Like the other night, when he asked me what was for dinner.

“Taco salad.”

“Oh,” he replied. “I’m not much of a taco salad kind of guy.”

But in the meantime, here are a couple of recent pictures I've snapped! I'm trying to get a bit more into photography this summer and I have a couple more fun ones to post soon.

(The downtown Albany bridge just before a downpour and just after the most vibrant rainbow I have ever seen.)

(Picking cherries at Dorothy's.)

(Petra's trip to work with me where she met all of my desk buddies.)

Stream of consciousness

2010-06-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

I'm always super stressed out the week before a move. This week is no different! It's just the tasks that are different.

Buy curtain rods and mount them to the walls
Hang all the curtains/shower curtains/closet curtains in the house
Mow the lawn
Have the carpets cleaned
Replace a section of floor
Install washer and dryer

Being a "homeowner" is weird!

The painting is DONE! And I hereby swear that I am never painting that house again, nor will I ever endeavor to paint and entire home by myself again. It looks amazing. But I officially hate painting. :)

Except watercolor painting. I got out Dorothy's watercolors over Memorial Day weekend and painted myself a masterpiece. I can't wait to show you. It's going to hang in my new kitchen.

The construction is done too. The guys weren't able to replace one little area of floor by the back door (and I think they kind of forgot about it because the fridge was sitting on it for 4 months - but I kind of forgot about it too) so that's being done tomorrow. The carpets were cleaned yesterday and today. The house is clean because my sister and I busted our butts on Sunday and I cleaned for five hours.

I'm broke.

I'm ready for my cats! I went to Petco yesterday and got everything I will need for them.

Nobody picked Jordan up at school yesterday. I got a phone call from his school about 35 minutes after school let out saying, "We've been trying to call everyone and we can't get throught to anyone. Nobody picked Jordan up today." I dropped everything and booked it to Albany (a 20 minute drive) to get the poor guy. We had a mommy-son date while we waited for Daddy to get off work. He was asking about our cats, whether they are boys or girls and when he found out they are one of each he was asking what we would do if the girl had kittens. I explained that she wouldn't because the boy cat is fixed. He wanted to know more about that so we had a little sex ed in McDonald's.

I've barely packed. I filled Dorothy's van (partly with things like space heaters and Jordan's bookshelf and this and that) but I have a long way to go. Tonight I'm gonna bust my butt packing because I want to make a big dent in it. I didn't actually realize how many books I have...

My internet gets hooked up at the house on Monday so I will go a very short time (like, one day) without internet. And once I'm settled I'm looking forward to blogging more.

I can't wait for Jordan's summer camp to start because I get to pick him up every day and spend the afternoon with him. I'm very excited about that. He's at an age where conversation is so fun and he is so curious and funny.

A new normal

2010-05-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

Life is weird!

I'm not used to this.

Every day now I come home and the house is so quiet and empty. A couple of times I have caught myself starting to call for the dog but he's not there. That part is strange. And I've been having a really hard time falling asleep at night because it's so quiet.

And then last night there was a helicopter circling and circling, apparently looking for someone. Un-nerving!

But overall things are good. Just different. And that's ok.

This week I'm CRAZY busy, running around with appointments (counseling and dermatology) and in all my spare time I'm working on painting. I'll get the painting finished next week (4 rooms left and a friend is helping with the trim and doors), then my sister and I will clean the crap out of that place and a few days before I move in I'm having the carpets cleaned.

It'll be like a new place!

I can't wait to be living among my own furniture and things again. :)

And the kitties! Oh, I'm so excited for the kitties.

Where I've been

2010-05-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well, there are some obvious answers as to where I've been...

I've been wanting to post photos of several activities over the last month but I hadn't taken any of them off of my camera yet. Then Doozie took a bunch of pictures of Dorothy on the day she passed away and I haven't even been able to put the card in my computer because I just wasn't ready to see them.

I'm still not ready but I made a folder buried at the bottom of my photo files and moved the pictures into the folder so I don't have to see them all the time. One of these days I will put them on a CD and save them as memories.

So jumping back a whole month... here is what I've been up to. :)

First, I did some experiments with my mad scientist.

Then, Stacy and Madre (and another old friend who happened to be in town for the weekend and is the one taking this picture) took me out to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant. Delicious.

The weekend after my birthday Steve and I went to Portland for the MUCH anticipated Cirque du Soleil! This is the view from our room:

The big tent

Kooza!

The show was INCREDIBLE! I went with the intention of letting it take me away to another place and it totally did. I was mesmerized. I loved the entire thing. Over the course of the weekend we walked, rode Max, the streetcar and took a bicycle taxi. :)

And when we got back to our hotel we asked a lady at the front desk if she would take our photo. She happily obliged, then knelt down and took the picture looking up our noses. Um, thanks.

In the morning we decided to do the whole VooDoo Doughnut thing. We stood in line for 30 minutes and bought ourselves (and our friends back home) the most interesting doughnuts I have ever seen. And now I can say that I've had the experience.

The inside of that place is PINK!

Then we returned home and I spent some time snuggling with my boy.

After church on Mother's Day we went with my sister and her boyfriend to the Thyme Garden in Alsea and walked around in the beautiful gardens and took photos.

And visited with chickens.

I spent some time planting my own herbs and produce to enjoy later this summer.

And a couple of weeks ago we celebrated my cousin earning his Eagle rank in scouts and then debated long and hard over a very interesting croquet game.

And then it was time to say goodbye to Dorothy.

(I hope this photo doesn't bother anyone. This is the one picture I did want to get off of my camera because I find the daisy so sweet in her hand and I always loved her hands.)

Her memorial service was beautiful and we took this photo of her family afterwards. Her son and daughter-in-law are in the blue and green (tall and short) and her mom is the amazing looking 97 year old in the middle. Her three brothers are in the picture, her daughter Heather is behind Grandma, and Doozie (Heather's roommate) is on the far right.

Heather and I (I've officially gained another sister through all of this).

And my goofy, goofy dog, who moves to Portland tomorrow to live with Heather, Doozie and Blu.

What a handsome, funny boy. :)

(Diana, you will love this part.) I found out yesterday that this pretty girl will be mine in just a few short weeks! Oh my gosh, I can't wait.

And this brings us to today. Some good friends of ours had their first baby together this morning at 11:11! We were hoping to visit them tonight but Steve works until 7:30 and visiting hours end at 8 so it's just not feasible. We will go see them at home tomorrow afternoon and I can't wait to get my arms around this precious babe. Baby Boston Ryan.

Things have kind of ranged from both ends of the spectrum for me over the last week and a half but I'm in a good place. I've found that I CANNOT deal with sad things right now (like scenes in movies) but I know that's probably just in light of the last couple of weeks and will get better as time goes on.

A favorite cousin of mine comes to visit next weekend and I'm super excited about spending several days with her.

Work on the house is SUPPOSEDLY almost finished (tomorrow is the fourth deadline they have been given) and I will be spending my weekend over there painting. If I can crank out the rooms I'm hoping to tomorrow then I will just have the kitchen and family room left to do. Moving day is June 12th. (Kitten day is June 18th!!!!)

I'm hoping to be around a bit more now. :)

A new chapter

2010-05-16T15:30:00.001-07:00

Dorothy passed away on Wednesday.

I've been either too busy or too exhausted since then to post anything. But I wanted to.

The past few weeks had been rough ones for all of us. She was declining significantly, was having some hallucinations, etc. and was overall just not doing very well.

On Tuesday she asked that her daytime caregiver call Heather and ask her to come down. Heather arrived late Tuesday evening, after Dorothy was asleep.

On Wednesday morning Dorothy's Hospice nurse came for a routine visit and told us all that Dorothy was not looking well (when they took her breathing mask off for just three or four minutes her color changed drastically) and guessed that she would not make it through the day.

I had stayed home from work on Wednesday and I was glad that I did.

My impression was that Dorothy kind of hung on until 2:30 that afternoon when her friend and counselor, Dr. Wallace, came over. Dr. Wallace went in her room and said a prayer over her. I went in her bedroom and laid down on the spare bed, just kind of watching everything. Heather had been in bed with Dorothy all day and Dr. Wallace and the Hospice nurse were there as well.

Dorothy had been on full syringes of Morphine every 30 minutes for about an hour and half. She was very obviously in respiratory distress and seemed fairly sedated.

Dr. Wallace asked Dorothy if she would like to take her breathing mask off. Dorothy hesitated and then nodded her head yes, which was the most significant nod I had seen in a couple of weeks. She was to the point of barely being able to shake her head or write anything so this was very noticeable to me. At this point Dorothy had also opened her eyes and seemed very alert. Dr. Wallace removed Dorothy's mask, continuing to talk to her in a very soothing voice and her nurse continued to administer Morphine. We all gathered around her bed.

About five minutes later she was gone.

We all stayed in her room for quite awhile, telling stories, laughing, crying, being together. Aslan (another caregiver) stayed the whole evening and was in the room when the funeral home came to take Dorothy. We had them go through her bedroom door to the outside, mostly to shield Heather from having to see them take her. I also felt this very fitting as that meant she left through her Zen garden.

Dorothy's son flew in on Thursday and his wife flew in on Friday. Heather has been down since Tuesday and Doozie and Blu came Wednesday and left Saturday. They are planning Dorothy's service for Wednesday so her mom, three brothers and one of their wives will all fly in this Tuesday. I go back to work tomorrow.

I spent a lot of time at my house in the couple of days after, just being there and not wanting to leave. Now that Sean and Heather have started work on the house to get it fixed up for selling, I'm trying NOT to be there because the whole place is torn apart. I kind of feel like I'm wandering, actually. I kind of feel like my home is being taken away. I don't like change and my whole house has changed. Nothing is the same. This morning I couldn't even make breakfast because there was a drill on the cutting board, piles of screws everywhere, paint supplies in the sink and various dishes and items on the counters. This morning they also had a load of bark dust and a load of rock delivered so I also can't park in my driveway. I have to time getting up in the morning just right so I will have hot water for my shower between everyone else's. And last night I got home at midnight from a family function and was woken up this morning by the sounds of a hammer and a drill.

I am trying to be understanding because I know they are getting the house ready to sell and also want it to look nice for the open house we are having after the service on Wednesday. But it is also frustrating because now that my job is over I WANT to spend time in my house but I feel pushed out by all the work going on. If I stick around I feel like I should be helping with the work. And I feel like I need to hurry up and claim what's mine so nothing gets thrown out or given away. But since I'm still living there I don't want to be packing away things that I am using.

They told me yesterday that I can't take the bed (which they are giving me) until the house sells because it has to stay in the bedroom with the headboard that is attached to the wall. Which means that when I move I won't be able to sleep in my bedroom for several weeks because I won't have a bed.

I'm just trying to find my way. To sort out what I need to do, to process my emotions and to stay sane (especially with going back to work tomorrow).

Rollercoaster

2010-05-10T11:25:00.001-07:00

I'm coming off of a very long, rollercoaster weekend. Nobody currently knows what to think or feel or do.

I have to get this out somewhere so I'm pretty much done beating around the bush in case friends of Dorothy's are reading this. If you are, I'm sorry for any surprises.

Dorothy had made the decision last week that she was going to turn her breathing machine off. This is the machine that has basically been breathing for her since late October and is really the only reason she is still alive. She had chosen Wednesday of this week for that to happen. She let her nurse and her counselor know who she wanted present when this happened. It seemed pretty definitive and plans were set in motion.

Heather contacted all the necessary people this weekend, including Dorothy's priest. The priest came on Sunday to talk with Dorothy and do communion and make sure they were all on the same page for this coming week. He said, to Dorothy, "I understand you've made the decision to discontinue your breathing machine in the next few days." Dorothy gave him a completely puzzled look, basically to the effect of, "What are you talking about? I never said that!"

After some conversation (read: impossible reading of Dorothy's handwriting) Dorothy conveyed that she is wanting to see her mom and her best friend again before turning off the machine. They live in Wyoming. They are 96 and 70-something. They were planning a trip out here at the beginning of June but then moved it to the end of May and now Vicky (the best friend) is saying she doesn't really know when it will be because she is having some health issues and appointments and they're waiting for snow to melt, yadda yadda yadda. I have really mixed feelings about this whole thing because, first of all, Vicky is a flake. And second, Vicky was here at Christmas and Dorothy's mom was here at Easter. It has NOT been that long.

So NOW nobody knows what the heck is going on.

Interestingly enough, it has also been decided this morning (by the nurse and several caregivers in agreement) that Dorothy is having hallucinations. Her writing is making no sense at all (writing BVB and meaning DVD but being adamant that BVB is what she means), she is nodding off during writing, making very strange requests, being POSITIVE that she sees or hears certain things (like a mouse in her room), etc.

Heather has been here since Friday night and has just been on what she calls a fuck-train (and I would have to say that I agree) of emotions. She has been everything to Dorothy from her daughter to her caregiver to her executor to her counselor to her secretary... she can't BE anything else.

I'm not sure where I'm at right now. I took today off work just to try to sort through my own thoughts/feelings/whatever and also to be here as a support person for Heather if she needs me. Dorothy's nurse is here now and they just got done with giving her a shower and then I assume they will have some conversation about some things (though I think it would have been wise on Dorothy's part to skip the shower and use that energy for writing). The nurse is a very black-and-white person so hopefully something will be determined today, whether it's that she DOES want to turn the machine off or whether she wants to wait for her mom and Vicky to come out. And if that's the case, well, perhaps a phone call is in order to get them out here rather quickly.

As Heather said to me last night, "I feel like we've been teetering on the edge of a cliff for the past five months. But I'm not so sure we're teetering anymore, I feel like we've been pushed over the edge and got caught by a tree branch or a spiderweb or something." I agreed. And we're getting bashed up by all the rocks on the way down.

Valley

2010-04-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

I need more blogs to read.

No, not more blogs, just more posts of blogs that I already know and love.

Tonight is a very hard night and reading blogs is one of my coping mechanisms (which I've been wanting to write a post on).

Yesterday I had a wonderful birthday. But when I came home at the end of the night, I knew Dorothy had had a very rough day. I read the notes from the caregivers and the nurse and I talked with the caregiver who was here (who is also a friend of mine). The short version of the story is that Dorothy was just EXHAUSTED yesterday, and part of this is because of respiratory distress. It takes SO much energy for her to do anything at all. She had had her oxygen turned off most of the day, at her own request, and when the evening caregiver checked her numbers her O2 saturations were 78%.

Today was another rough day for her. She was awake this morning at 7:30 (I know this because I was still home because I slept through my alarm) and she did not sleep all day long. This is incredibly unusual for her - she usually sleeps in until about 10am and takes at least one or two naps during the day (some of them several hours long).

At 4:30 she said she felt like she had rattling in her chest and she asked her daytime caregiver to call Hospice. Amazingly (which I later decided was COMPLETELY God), her regular nurse was still on the clock and was able to come over. She listened to Dorothy's chest and said she didn't hear any rattling at all, just the grunting she's been having for several days (again, respiratory distress). Her nurse asked her some questions and Dorothy indicated that she wanted to write on her board. Between the two of us it took us no less than thirty minutes to decipher what she was writing. She wrote a couple of fairly disturbing things but she was DETERMINED to write them. We eventually made an alphabet board and by pointing to each letter we were finally able to figure out what she was trying to say. I was in tears by about halfway through because we were having SUCH a hard time figuring anything out. And I honestly think that her lack of oxygen today was making her a little loopy. I would ask two different yes/no questions, ONE of which had to be yes and the other which had to be no, and she would say no to both. Example: Is what you need on this picture board? Yes. I would point to every. single. picture. and none of them were the right one. But I would ask again if what she needed was on the board and she would answer yes. People, we did this four times until I completely lost it.

The nurse called Heather tonight (even after Dorothy adamantly said she did NOT want Heather to be called tonight - we made that executive decision) and she is contemplating coming down tonight.

Dorothy's nurse said the bottom line is that Dorothy is now suffering. We have all thought for several weeks that she has seemed like she is suffering (her quality of life seems low to me) but DOROTHY has not felt like she is suffering and she is the best judge of that. However, after tonight's conversation between Dorothy and her nurse and several physical indicators (mostly the resp. distress), it is clear that she IS suffering, whether she will admit it or not.

It's hard to write this because it's the Internet so I want to be vague, but at the same time, my friends and my journal so I want to give details.

Long story short, I am kind of an anxious mess, but am starting to feel a little better. At Dorothy's approval her nurse gave every-three-hour instructions for Morphine and an anti-anxiety med in hopes that this would help her to relax and ease some of her pain (pressure sores and tense body). She FINALLY fell asleep around 7 and I am tiptoeing around to avoid waking her because I know she desperately needs this sleep. And I desperately need for her to not ring her bells every 15 minutes.

Overall, I'm ok. I know this because I felt ok with telling the neighbor that I was alright to be alone and that I would call him if I needed anything. It's comforting to know that he's right across the street. I also know this because Steve will be here any minute. He was planning to spend the evening with Jordan when he got off work because we are going away for my birthday celebration this weekend, but after hearing how the last two hours went, he quickly decided that he needed to come over. I will probably send him home after an hour or so because Jordan should have some Daddy time before we take off for a day and a half.

There's no closing for this post. Heather might come down tonight. Dorothy is finally asleep. I am hungry but don't feel like eating (I did eat a half pint of raspberries in one sitting so I'm not going to starve). I would love to pull out my favorite quilt and curl up with a chick flick on TV but I don't want to turn the TV on because I don't want to not hear her if she needs me.

Waiting...

23

2010-04-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

I always kind of wonder what the "best" way is to write your own birthday post. ;)

This year I decided it would be good to write 23 things that I am thankful for. I have a lot to be thankful for (far more than 23 things) but lately I have to remind myself of these things. The stress in my life is high but these things rise above that.

1. I am thankful for my amazing boyfriend. He is probably the second single reason (right behind God) that I have even been able to make it this far in my caregiving job. He is a rock beside me, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, a hug to give. I am so thankful to call him my partner.

2. I am thankful for Jordan. That boy is sunshine in my life. Being a mom is not easy but it is so wonderful.

3. I am thankful for my jobs. Both of them. Caregiving is hard but I have learned so much from it. And my bosses at my other job are so incredibly understanding.

4. I am thankful for my parents.

5. I am thankful for nature. For the sun and the stars and the leaves and the rain and the flowers and the clouds and the breeze and the beauty.

6. I am thankful for kittens.

7. I am thankful for my car. Really, that is something I take for granted ALL the time. I love my car.

8. I am thankful for my cooking skills. I WISH I had the time and energy to cook a real meal every night but I just don't. One of the things at the top of my "when I'm back to one job" list includes menu planning and cooking meals every night for dinner.

9. I am thankful for my BlackBerry and my iTouch. 'Nuff said.

10. I am thankful for clean sheets.

11. I am thankful for laughter. And the hilarious things Jordan says.

12. I am thankful for books. Another thing I miss. But I still can't walk into a Borders without walking out with a book.

13. I am thankful for dancing.

14. I am thankful for my sister and the fact that she is one of my best friends.

15. I am thankful for my upcoming birthday trip this weekend! I am SO EXCITED to go see Cirque du Soliel and I told Steve to pack his umbrella because we're going to the Saturday Market in Portland, rain or shine. :)

16. I am thankful for my counselor.

17. I am thankful for a roof over my head, a fridge full of food, a closet full of clothes and a hot shower waiting for me.

18. I am thankful for the ability to choose my faith.

19. I am thankful for "my" dog.

20. I am thankful for the way my parents raised me, which is now determining the way we raise Jordan.

21. I am thankful for photos.

22. I am thankful that no matter how down and out I'm feeling, I still have a LONG list of things to be thankful for.

23. I am thankful for 23 wonderful years on this earth.

In this neck of the woods

2010-04-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

I hate using the title “updates” because it’s so incredibly boring, but that’s basically what this is. It’s basically all I post anymore and I hate that. I want to have an interactive blog with a community and discussions and posts that make you think and posts that make you laugh… I want to get back into the memes that I participate in (see my right sidebar) and post photos of our day to day life. But it seems that right now I only post here once every two or three weeks and at those points I feel like everyone is probably wondering if anything is new (it usually isn’t) and that I should make some recording of how life is going for me because three or four years from now I may not accurately remember this particular boulevard in my journey of life. I may not recall the difference between the days when I walked along roadsides dotted with empty, brown trees, stripped of their leaves and the days when I walked along many, many beautiful, flowering cherry trees, just waiting to burst with fruit. (Speaking of cherry trees, ours is flowering and I did not think I would get a second go at that tree but I am stoked for the end of June.)

This past week has been made up of days where I’ve walked along roadsides with several budding trees every block, reminding me that spring is here and although spring brings its fair share of rainy days, it also brings the promise of summer. Every couple of blocks there is a dead, cracking tree but the most annoying part of this section of boulevard are the darn flies! They buzz around my head, simply going about their lives, but they are REALLY annoying. Some days they bother me more than others. Some days I swat them away and keep walking. Other days I chase after them, cursing at them, determined to smash them.

Some days my steps are light and other days I feel like I have boulders in my shoes, just weighing me down. These are also the days when I am most likely not able to tell the difference between the raindrops and tears, both falling on my cheeks. But there are new mercies every morning! And often morning will break and I will find a friend or Steve or my sister or my mom walking beside me, holding me up. On these days I will drink down my favorite banana smoothie and turn my iPod to my favorite playlist and laugh along with those walking beside me.

These are the days I feel like I can go on. Today will be one of these days.

On a Saturday morning

2010-04-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

In catching up in Google Reader this morning I read this post... and loved it.

Designer babies, designer God

Today holds more painting for me... and some family time. My goal for this week is to start practicing 15 minutes better again. Life is too short and too busy.

Staying positive

2010-04-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

In my last post I said that Dorothy was fading fast... She bounced back and is now just plugging along at much the same rate as before. She has a couple of continuous issues - a pressure sore on her nose where her mask rests that causes her a LOT of pain, acid reflux that is hard to control, and communication. These things will probably never stop being issues, though the communication is the most difficult for everyone else. I made her a picture board depicting about 80% of her needs and most of the time she chooses not to use it but would rather write things out instead. This means getting out her dry erase pen, positioning it just right in her hand, wrapping a rubberband around her fist to hold the pen in place and then holding her whiteboard just so while she writes and we try to decipher the ink smudges.

I am going through the process of starting counseling sessions. I am eligible for several free sessions through my job and was approved for those yesterday. Tomorrow I will call and schedule my first appointment. I think at this point I'm just at a place where I need to talk it out. I need to talk about the way I want to be a better mom but feel very stuck because I have to be home most evenings and Jordan does not live with me. I need to talk about the extreme rate at which things can frustrate me. I need to talk about how to gain back the last 15 months of my life that I have missed out on. I need to talk because my friends are tired of listening.

This week I made a list of things to do that will keep me happy and positive. So far I have only done one thing on the list (it had to do with ice cream) but it's there in case I need it. It contains wonderful things like snuggling and going for a walk and taking a hot bath and enjoying a hot beverage and a book. And let me also tell you, multivitamins are a creation of God.

I had a big long talk with my sister's boyfriend last night about the work he is (still) doing on the house. I kind of jumped his butt about it. A lot. He told me the work will be done by the end of next week. Once all of that is finished all that's left is painting (and I have not done ANY more since those first two rooms and one of those is only half done - I knew you were going to ask!) and cleaning the carpets. I am very anxious to be moved in. I'm anxious for Steve and Jordan and I to start our new routines and begin our new normal. I'm anxious for it to be a getaway for me. A place to go on my nights off when I need to be away from home but just want to relax.

You know, I really miss blogging about things other than Dorothy and the house.

Here are a few pictures from our recent (really fun) trip to Hoodoo to go tubing:

And that, folks, is why I keep trucking along. :)

This weekend Heather is not coming down because she has huge projects due at work next week. Both agency caregivers are unavailable this weekend so a brand new girl trained today and hopefully is ready to work on her own! Our favorite caregiver agreed to spend the night this Friday so I can have one overnight break. The boys and I are going to the coast for the night. We're looking forward to a trip to the aquarium and some swimming and relaxing.

A funny story before I go eat my soup that's cooking on the stove...

The other night Jordan and I were making pipe cleaner and hot glue craft projects at the kitchen table. I mentioned that I was going to make a crocodile and he scoffed that I surely could NOT make a crocodile out of pipe cleaners and hot glue. We made a $1 bet.

About 10 minutes went by and we were both working away on our projects. All of a sudden Jordan pops his head up, looks at me and says, "So! How's it comin' with that crocodile you can't make??"

He owes me a dollar.

Dear everyone

2010-03-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

I wrote a letter to my dad in Australia last night and realized I should share some of my report with you!

Dad has been gone for about 5 weeks now which means he only has 3 left! I drive my mom to the airport on the 30th and she flies over to meet him for a vacation. They come home together on the 14th. Dad said he hasn't had much time for sightseeing because he works 6 days a week but he has seen a Tiger snake and a few kangaroos. He said the roos are a lot like deer here, they are headed for cover about the time he's headed out in the morning. The snake apparently swam across the river to where my dad and his crew were but then noticed them and swam back across. Tiger snakes are dangerous!

I got my Compassion packet in the mail yesterday and I'm so excited! Michael is 8 years old and is from the Philippines. I chose him in part because Jordan is 8 years old and his background is Filipino. You all can pray for Michael if you'd like. =) I'm so excited to write to him. My sister got her first letter last week from her sponsored child and it was SO special. I'm thrilled.

Steve and I have a meeting with a group of Jordan's teachers in a couple of weeks. I'm anxious to hear about his progress and how he's doing with reading, etc. He's recently been having some trouble with a particular bully kid at school but each time Steve and I mention talking to his teachers about it he tells us he's "going to give Chris one more chance." Chris is on chance 11 or 12 by now but at least Jordan is a forgiving kid.

Dorothy is fading fast. She had two REALLY bad days in the last week or so and they just suck her energy. She spends most of the following day sleeping. Her nurse leaves next week on a cruise and said she isn't sure if she will see Dorothy again since she will be gone for about three weeks. Even though I have been having some tough times lately I am determined to finish strong. As I told my dad last night, I have been working on taking some of my own advice lately. This advice is some that I gave to someone very special to me a couple of weeks ago. They told me that something was pushing their limits and I told them to "let God define those limits." I am trying hard to let God define my limits, especially when it comes to patience and attitude.

Yesterday I was able to participate in a meeting full of big wigs at work. It was a meeting in regards to electronic signature and I have somehow become the office guru on this. They asked me to come and do a little training session and answer some questions. My manager came to me today and told me that one of the things he really appreciates about me is my ability to sit in a room full of higher-ups and just be myself and present what I know on a topic. It was nice to be listened to and to be able to share my side of things. =)

More painting is in the works for this weekend! It's supposed to be nice so my hope is to open all the windows, turn up the music and paint my heart out!

Stream of consciousness

2010-03-05T10:27:00.000-08:00

I miss blogging! I really do.

I have had several really not so great days lately but yesterday was a good day. It's getting very hard to balance both of my jobs and my sanity. Some days I feel like I can trudge on and get through this season and other times I feel like there is just no way I can possibly continue this way.

I think part of the reason for this is that my caregiving job is getting more intense and more frustrating as the days go by. It is becoming almost rare for me to get more than 15 or 20 minutes to myself without getting interrupted. On nights when I'm trying to cook dinner or (like this week) do my taxes, this can get very frustrating very fast. I have been known to mutter a whole string of un-repeatables under my breath on some evenings.

Other evenings, like last night, are wonderful. I got some "me time" after work and even though I didn't nap I was able to go in my room and spend a quiet 45 minutes alone. I spent some time creating new pictures for Dorothys' communication board and talked to my mom on the phone. Steve came over after work and we watched Survivor and had a "dinner" of spinach/artichoke dip, chips, summer sausage, cheese and turkey. We cuddled and laughed and had a great evening. And through all of that I was only interrupted four or five times, which seems like NOTHING!

Communication is getting incredibly hard. It's frustrating for Dorothy and for me. We are brainstorming new ideas for helping with that because her handwriting is sometimes unreadable. I'm hoping this new picture board is really helpful.

I have some extra time off this weekend (well, more than I expected) and I'm hoping to get some more painting done at the house. I finally just took a break from it and decided to spend some time doing things *I* wanted to do, rather than forcing myself to paint when I REALLY didn't want to. The rest of the remodeling, etc. is coming along INCREDIBLY slowly. I think the friend of my sister's boyfriend committed to this job without really thinking things through. Pretty soon I'm going to start treating him like a contractor and not a friend because at SOME point I'm going to want to move into this house! I'd like there to be walls and a floor when I do that. =)

I've been in a total spiritual rut lately. And by lately I mean, oh... basically for the last 9 months to a year. I finally feel like I'm starting to pull out of that and I'm reading a great book called Sin Boldly. My cousin recommended it to me and after only about two chapters I'm in love with it. I knew it would be good with I turned the first page and saw my life quote staring back at me.

I want to start back up on my 15 minutes better posts. I miss those. And I miss the feeling of consciously making an effort to make 15 minutes of my loved ones' days that much better. It's been two years since my last one and I think it's way past time for some more.

But right now? It's time to get back to work! Happy Friday!

Not Me! Monday

2010-02-22T14:46:00.000-08:00

Not familiar with this meme? Click here to learn more!

Are you feeling guilty for sneaking a fingertip-full of toothpaste instead of actually BRUSHING your teeth? Embarrassed about letting the dog come in the house with dirty feet and just not caring? Well, don't be! Here are a few things I most certainly did NOT do this week:

First of all, I did NOT open the dishwasher and simply set my dishes inside, rather than loading it properly. I would never do such a thing because obviously I know that something like the would only create more work for me later!

I also did NOT go to the store and buy ingredients to make stir fry for dinner and then ditch that idea simply because I didn't feel like it and make macaroni and cheese and a fried egg instead! No way, I always stick to my menu plans and make sure that I have a very balanced (and normal sounding) meal.

And finally, there is NO way that I still have five (yes, FIVE) unopened bottles of sparkling cider sitting on my counter since Christmas. And I would never give these bottles of cider away to a coworker and then forget to take them to work day after day. Nope, not me!

What are some things that YOU have not done this week? Simply leave a comment and share!

Link up

2010-02-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

I simply have not had the time I've wanted to blog this week. (This week at work has been the craziest we've had in a long time. I have a kink in my neck from being on the phone so much because my boss STILL has not gotten us headsets and I'm about to pitch a fit over it.)

I do have a couple of fun posts up my sleeve though so stay tuned!

Instead of my own ramblings I'll leave you with a few links that I have really enjoyed over the past few days.

Sunday Drive. I love MckMama's blog. And I found this story completely fascinating. Who knew??

A bit of history about Valentine's Day. I've always enjoyed Valentine's day as just a fun day to show some extra love. Now I know a bit more about it!

Nella Cordelia's birth story. This is not somebody that I know but it's a blog that I am anxious to delve into and a story that really, really touched my heart.

How to increase your blog traffic and readership. Of course I would love more traffic! I only know of three or four people who read my blog regularly. And that's totally fine because the whole reason I started this blog was so I could journal MY stories and thoughts and pictures in a more quick, simple way. But I do crave more of that community feeling. This post gave me some ideas!

DON'T TAKE THE PEN. Dooce is always good for a laugh. This story had me chuckling out loud.

Enjoy!

Petits Fours

2010-02-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

I found the instructions for these ADORABLE petits fours on MckMama's blog. I watch a ton of Cake Boss and have always been totally fascinated by fondant so I decided to give them a try! I took a break from painting this weekend and vowed NOT to feel guilty about it (believe me, I needed a nice break), so I got crafty instead! My sister helped me by mixing my fondant colors.

I started with a box of Oreo Cakesters. (The author of this adventure (who was not MckMama, but a guest poster) said that she has not been able to find vanilla Cakesters for a long time but I was able to get them at Fred Meyer here in Oregon!)

I bought a box of pre-made fondant at Michaels (which I forgot to photograph) and tore off a hunk. I colored it with food coloring gel and got this nice pink.

I also made red and used some plain white. When trying to make a second "batch" of red we ended up with a darker pink so we actually worked with 4 colors, which was fun.

The author of the post used wax paper with her fondant and said that granite or marble works WAY better. I started off using granite and found that my fondant stuck to it after I rolled it out so I switched to wax paper and it worked great for me.

Using a very smooth rolling pin, I rolled out the fondant so it was slightly less than 1/4 of an inch thick. The Petits Four Queen made hers thicker because she was using chocolate Cakesters. That way the dark color would not show through (especially with the white fondant).

I draped the fondant over the Cakester and smoothed it down around the edges with the edge of my pinky finger. I then used a very sharp knife to cut around the edge of the Cakester, leaving just a little bit of a "lip".

Then, I forgot to take a picture so I'm sorry, the next photo is completely off track! =)

I gently flipped the Cakester over onto my palm and used the fingers of my other hand to smooth the edge of the fondant around to the bottom. (The bottom doesn't have to be completely covered. These aren't.)

I used some mini cookie cutters to cut out some more fondant pieces and decorated my little cakes with them. I even brushed a little watered down corn syrup and shimmer dust on a few of the hearts to add a little bit of a sparkle.

The finished products turned out SO CUTE! I am thrilled with them and am even considering making some more later this week to take to work as a little Valentine treat. They are incredibly easy to make and they just look adorable!

I love...

2010-01-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

...When Jordan calls me on the phone just to chat.

...Kisses from my honey.

...When my dog wanders into my room at night, turns a couple of circles, lays down and heaves a big, contented sigh.

...Sunny days.

...A nice, loud worship song.

...After I've adjusted Dorothy's pillows/mask/arms and she gives me that exaggerated nod to tell me that I've just made her worlds more comfortable.

...The feeling of cooking a delicious dinner from scratch and sharing it with my family.

...Spending a day with my sweetie, talking and laughing and affirming and dreaming.

...My new ring with all three of our birthstones in it.

...Laying in bed reading blogs on my iPod.

...Singing at the top of my lungs in the car.

...Having a customer/doctor/peer at work tell me that I do a fabulous job and I really know my stuff.

...A long, hot, relaxing shower.

...A good book.

...The feeling of accomplishment.

...Getting flowers.

...Family game nights.

...When Jordan calls me Mommy.

...Decorating "my" house.

...Thinking about my future.

The jumble in my head

2010-01-28T12:20:00.001-08:00

There is so much floating around in my head right now. Rather than explain it all (i.e. bore you all with it) I'll just give you a quick rundown.

*I stayed home from work today. I've been feeling weird all week - headaches, dizziness and not much appetite, which is very unusual for me because I eat like a horse. I've been sleeping all morning.

*The painting and remodeling at the house is coming along. I have one room all painted except the molding. I wish I could get over there more often but that just means I have to really bust my butt on the weekends. The guys have ripped out half the bathroom and I think they started putting it back together today. :) It's going to look great.

*I have always loved my car insurance but next week I'll be switching. They frustrated me to the point of anger this week so I'll go with someone more flexible and personal.

*Budgets are hard. They're hard to make and hard to stick to.

*If you're the praying type you can pray for my stress level. I feel like I'm hanging in Limbo, not knowing when one job will end but knowing it will be soon. Not knowing when I'll be moving but knowing I have a lot to accomplish before then. Not having the time to accomplish any of it. Not getting enough sleep.

I'm off to eat some eggs and maybe have some chicken broth. Gotta kick this crud.

Moving along

2010-01-21T20:56:00.000-08:00

We are making plans for me to move into Steve's house when I move out of Dorothy's. It is looking like this could possibly happen in a matter of weeks, though I am not putting an actual timeline on it. But since we don't know for sure when it will be, we are moving ahead with the remodeling projects so it will be ready to live in when the time comes!

I thought you might enjoy a little virtual tour of the "before" look. =)

Here is the very HAPPY looking house I will be living in! (Ok, for the record, I hate this color. For the record, it wasn't Steve's first choice either. One day it will be a much softer, mellow yellow. For now, it's just "the house you CAN'T miss.")

Our tour begins by entering through the kitchen door in the driveway. When you walk in, this is what you will be standing on (below). (We will never be renting the house again. Tenants destroyed it.) We're ripping out this floor and putting down fresh flooring! The countertops are a dark blue so I will look for something that reflects that a bit when I go "floor shopping." The paint I chose for this room is also a nice blue.

Standing in the back doorway, this is what you will see. The wood wall will stay just as it is and the little "breakfast bar" won't have so much crap on it! (The water at the house is shut off until tomorrow so we've been bringing in jugs of it.) The room you see on the other side is the family room.

My little kitchen windows look out into the backyard. This spring I have intentions of pressure washing the back patio, cleaning up the lawn a bit and putting in a garden! I have wanted a garden for SO LONG. The kitchen cabinets will also be painted a crisp white to freshen them up. (And if they're lucky they might even get new handles that aren't falling off.)

And, of course, this wallpaper is coming down. The wallpaper itself isn't THAT bad, but it's crammed up underneath the cabinets and just seems kind of pointless to me. I will hang some sheer white curtains in the windows to make the room a bit brighter.

There is a slight step down from the kitchen into... the family room! Also currently known as the Nerf gun refill station. The family room is BIG and I'm excited to make it nice and homey. I will paint a couple of walls a very light green and the other two an ivory color (which will actually be all through the house).

If you take a right from the family room you will find yourself in the hallway. Pretty boring hallway... Will be a paint to paint with all those doors!

An immediate left will land you in this dive. This is the laundry room and somebody, at some point, really screwed up the floor. They used mud instead of leveling compound, linoleum on top of that and tile on top of the linoleum. Needless to say, it's coming out! I had picked out a sand-colored speckled flooring before finding out that it isn't the best kind of flooring to use in a bathroom/laundry room so I'll be looking for a similar pattern in a different kind of flooring. I think some wall-washing, new floor and fresh paint will make me a nice little laundry room! Eventually I will put up shelving as well.

Through the laundry room is this bathroom. This bathroom is what started it all! It's trashy. The linoleum is starting to peel back from the wall and there is some dry rot next to the tub that needs repaired. In "consulting" with my sister's boyfriend about this project (he will be doing half the work and has a friend who will help him) he started asking what I think about the pink board around the tub.

Um... I HATE IT. So that will be coming out. The shower area will be tiled with nice, white, ceramic tiles. A shower head will be piped in. (How weird is it that there is no shower head??) And it's possible that we will be re-texturing the walls. Plus, new flooring. But, of course, I will totally miss the pink wall and brown floor. *gag*

In the hallway there are two small bedrooms that I did not photograph because, well, they're just small, empty bedrooms! One will become a craft room/game room and the other will be a library/guest room.

There is also a second (smaller) bathroom in the hallway that was recently re-done. The only thing I will change in that bathroom is the shower curtain. It was so recently done that I won't even paint it! (It's probably the only room in the house that will not get painted.)

At the opposite end of the hallway from the family room is the living room. It's a pretty decent sized living room but I'm not sure yet how I will furnish it. I never thought I would say that I don't have enough furniture but it's true. I'm actually looking to buy a loveseat and a couch! The living room actually might go empty for a little while.

To the left of the living room (where I was standing when I took this photo) are two more bedrooms. One will be mine and one will (eventually) be Jordan's. Mine will be painted a soft yellow color, just like my room at Dorothy's (which I LOVE). Jordan has always wanted a RED bedroom. We compromised a bit and will be painting a very small portion of his room red and will accent with things like posters and a bedspread.

Below is my color scheme for the house. From left to right we have: Jordan's room, my room, the kitchen, the library, the craft room (one wall), the family room, the large bathroom (this is a sandy/beige color) and the rest of the house (this looks much darker than it is - a nice ivory color).

I am hoping to buy the paint tomorrow and get started on Saturday. Cody and I will try to pick up most of the supplies this weekend and he and Josh are aiming to start work on Sunday. Neither of them are working day jobs next week so they think they can get it done in 3-4 days. WOW! The painting is what will take the longest! My old roommate graciously offered to come down from the Portland area and help me so that could be loads of fun. If we get the water turned back on by then (it should be on by this weekend) I might even offer to let her stay there for optimal painting time! ;)

Needless to say, though this will probably break my bank, I am SO excited about how it will look when it's finished. I will have a HOME! A place that I won't have to move out of for YEARS! A place that I can really settle in to and make my own. Too fun.

Life as we know it

2010-01-09T13:16:00.000-08:00

A few bullet point things going on right now:

I have been sleeping fairly well the past week or so. Dorothy has nights of waking up for Morphine in the middle of the night and nights of sleeping all the way through the night. The other night I asked her if we could do meds and bedtime about an hour earlier than usual and that same night we slept all the way through the night. I felt AMAZING when I woke up!!
I will not be at this job much longer. Weeks. Things are happening quickly and new changes take place every day. Dorothy's daughter is currently figuring out when to take her family leave time and will probably decide that after she has some conversations with her mom this weekend. I don't know what that time will look like for me as far as taking time off work, etc.
My plan at this point is to move from Dorothy's house into the house that Steve owns in Albany. I'm getting excited about decorating and painting and arranging to really make that house home. And I hope it's the last time I have to move in a LONG time!
I'm still brainstorming in my head about what things I would like to get done in the house before I move in. Right now redoing the bathroom, laundry room and kitchen floors (linoleum) are at the top of the list, along with laying insulation in the attic at the back of the house. Eventually I would like to install some motion-sensor lights in the driveway and on the back patio and I would love to re-pour the patio this summer. But for now I think a little paint, my own pictures on the walls and my own furniture will do a pretty good job of making it more homey. I can't wait to have a party there!
I also can't wait to get a cat. ;)
And to have a big kitchen to cook in. ;)
My parents will be in Australia in a couple of months (my dad leaves the middle of February, my mom the end of March and they return together in mid-April) and I'm a little worried that some fairly drastic changes will take place in my life while they're gone. But on the other hand, I have friends and siblings and grandmas who I know will take good care of me while they're gone. And I'm super excited that they get to go on this trip.

Tell me, what do you like to see on this blog? What are your favorite kinds of posts to read? I'm hoping before too long to be able to blog much more than I have been and to post much more than just updates. Share with me. :)

Formal Bowling 2009/10

2010-01-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

Once again, we brought in the new year at the bowling alley! I believe this was our 4th annual Formal Bowling event and we had a great turnout again this year! It's always interesting to see who shows up besides our core group of about a dozen people. Such good, clean fun!

I decided to try something a little different with my hair this year! The running joke of the night was that I looked like I was from the 30's. My sister gifted me with a hand knit black shawl for Christmas. I didn't get a photo with it on but it really made the outfit! If someone had to remind me that it was my turn to bowl they would say, "Well, they weren't very punctual in the 30's!"

This year Blu (Doozie's son - Doozie being Heather's roommate) joined us for the night. He pulls off that stud look quite well, I must say!

Jordan had the whole James Bond look down! I forgot to look for a pair of dark sunglasses for him. :)

He loved the look for the night and was just soaking up everybody's comments about how handsome and cute he looked! He told me over and over how he's looking forward to wearing a tux when Steve and I get married. :) I must say, the bowtie is a good look for him.

My sweetie and I!

If we had an award for "most original outfit" Cary would win every year, hands down. And he would win proudly.

Kendra seems to be the one who always steals elements of other people's outfits. Here she is sporting Cary's tie and Caleb's jacket!

Alaina came along for the fun but spent her evening going through scholarship applications. I'm pretty sure the look on her face accurately portrays her feelings on the subject at this point.

Various people stayed for various lengths of time this year so instead of taking a group photo we took one of the guys (there are 4 missing who came later [and they were the best dressed of the group]) and one of the girls.

It was TOTALLY unplanned that all of the girls wore black dresses!

And once again, I rang in my new year with a kiss from the most wonderful person in my life.

This morning I slept in quite late (the house was unusually quiet for as many people as there are here!) and so far I pretty much haven't gotten out of bed! It's 1pm and Blu and Jeff (Heather's boyfriend) are cooking "breakfast" which smells amazing! Butternut squash hashbrowns and omelets! Really, what could be better?

Tonight Steve and I have plans to celebrate the first day of the year with a date!

Wishng you and yours a very healthy, happy new year! Here's to 2010! :)

A Christmas update

2009-12-25T14:38:00.001-08:00

My grandma commented this morning that it's been an awfully long time since I've blogged and asked me if I was still doing it. I told her yes, I'm just so busy all the time that I don't always realize that FOUR WEEKS have gone by since the last time I posted! It's kind of a dream/goal of mine to post several times a week and not to go more than about two days without posting something. But right now my lifestyle doesn't allow that and my requirement for sleep rates pretty high on my priority list. I'm hoping that in the springtime you will be hearing much more from me. :)

But in the meantime, here are some EXCITING updates on what I've been up to (haha).

Last weekend was one of our annual family Christmas parties. It's usually a Saturday afternoon/evening affair. Over the last few years some of the families have started spending the night with whoever is hosting the party. This year we rented out a house in Lincoln City and stayed for two nights. We did a bit of letterboxing while we were there, took a long walk (and run) on the beach, brainstormed stocking stuffers for a new member of our family this year (stay tuned), drank wine, soaked in the hot tub and played lots of games. The weekend was exhausting as it was relaxing but we had a really good time.

Last week we had our annual cookie Christmas contest at work and I won second place! I made shortbread cookies and told my co-worker that I needed a more creative name for them. You know, one that would make people eat them and vote for them! :) He thought for a few minutes and we decided to call them Vertically Challenged Wheat Derivative Christmas Edition Cookies! I had MANY compliments on them (though most people thought the vertically challenged part meant they didn't rise - shortbread cookies don't rise) but another co-worker beat me out with her Pecan Pie Bars. They weren't actually COOKIES (cheater) but I did have one and they were quite tasty!

We've always had a very exclusive Christmas Eve with only our immediate family. This year we extended our exclusiveness a bit to include my sister's boyfriend, my brother's girlfriend and Steve and Jordan (not that we excluded those two before - they've just always spent it with Steve's family). We had a really fun day with a DELICIOUS dinner that my mom made and lots of fun opening gifts from each other. I spent the night there last night to be there bright and early (8am, haha) for stockings this morning. I went home to shower and then met my family at my dad's sister's place for brunch, gifts and games. (And here I still am, blogging from the couch.)

People ask me a lot about Dorothy and how she's doing and I'm never quite sure what to say. Her spirits are good, as they always have been. But she is declining, obviously. She now has a catheter and we use a commode in the bedroom because she's not able to use her wheeled shower/bathroom chair anymore. She no longer takes showers in the shower (because of not being able to use the chair) so she has a bed bath most mornings. It's amazing how clean you can get somebody while they're in bed but for Dorothy's sake I think it would be wonderful for her to get a REAL hairwashing sometime soon. I'm trying to brainstorm a way to make that work, possibly by reclining her wheelchair. We'll see. :) It's incredibly hard to put a prognosis on her condition because every person is so differently affected by ALS. She dips and plateaus and right now she's in a plateau. As time goes on her plateaus will become fewer and farther between and her dips will become longer and more common. There may come a point where we need to hire somebody to be at the house during the night but right now Dorothy has been sleeping through the night almost every night. I think the next thing in store for us may be to hire somebody to be there from 7-9am because I leave for work at 7 and Dorothy's daytime caregiver doesn't come until about 8:45. Right now I think she just goes back to sleep during that time but that may change.

I'm very tired but I'm plugging along. I've reached that point where I'm ready to have my life back but at the same time, I made a commitment to Dorothy (and her family) and I plan to follow that through. Her daughter told me yesterday that she wants me to know that I absolutely have the option to back out if I need to and I responded, "Yeah, but I feel kind of protective of your mom and I'd rather do it myself than have somebody else do it." :) It's funny to hear the phrase, "You can do anything for a short period of time." What constitutes a short period of time? I can hardly believe that in two weeks I will have been at Dorothy's for a year.

I've started thinking a bit about where I will go from Dorothy's... I had previously thought that I wanted to stay in her house as long as possible and I still may stay there for a couple/few weeks before moving just to have a bit of down time. But on the other hand, I'm sure her daughter will be starting to take care of things there so it may be a busy place. Steve and I started talking again this week about what to do with his house: sell, rent or live in it. Renting isn't really an option because that has ALWAYS turned out badly for him and that house. It just causes more stress than either of us wants. Selling is an option but one that we might wait on. The current tentative plan is for me to move into the house when I move out of Dorothy's. I've never loved that house but I AM excited about the idea of living in a house and not an apartment. Plus, Steve owns the house so I'm allowed to paint and decorate however I want! AND I can have a cat! The idea of having spare bedrooms (it's a 4-bedroom house) is pretty exciting. Not to mention, when we get married we'll already have a place to move into together. We had considered selling the house but are now thinking we'll hang onto it for awhile. It sure would be nice to have a 4-bedroom place that's OURS when we start having more kids. :)

Anyway, long story short, I may know where I'll be living next and I love that. :) I've started planning out in my head what I'd like to do to the house and it's fun!

My family is headed to play some more games so I'd better get a move-on!

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!

Thankful

2009-11-26T10:37:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

This is my favorite holiday of the whole year. November always seems to take forever, just waiting for Thanksgiving day to arrive. :)

This year we are expecting 63 people! When my generation was young we would all gather at my parents' house. Now that we're all grown and some of US are having kids, we no longer fit. Last year we rented a sorority (they kick all the girls out for the weekend and it stands empty) and that was wonderful. This year we are doing it again.

Only two of my mom's cousins and their families will be absent this year which means almost the entire family is together. I am SO looking forward to today. (And as soon as my hair dries I'm out the door to head over there!)

We have a very traditional Thanksgiving spread - 2 turkeys, 2 hams (ok, most people only have 1), stuffing, homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, corn, rolls, pies, etc. We also have a family tradition that most people have never heard of... CHEESE BEANS! Half of the family hates them - the other half won't even come if we don't have them. I am one of the latter.

I have been thinking of all the things I am thankful for... The list is so long but here are a few that are right up at the top:

I am thankful for my God.
I am thankful for my amazing boyfriend.
I am thankful for my wonderful son.
I am thankful for my incredible family.
I am thankful for Dorothy.
I am thankful for my big, stinky, snuggly dog.
I am thankful for hot showers, a warm bed, and a stocked fridge.
I am thankful for my job and my health insurance.
I am thankful for my health.
I am thankful for my car, my phone and my laptop.
I am thankful for sunny days and rainy days.
I am thankful for my sense of smell.
I am thankful for laughter.
I am thankful for you.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Grovel, grovel, grovel

2009-11-25T09:06:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in ten days. I know that's a BIG FAT FAIL at NaBloPoMo.

I just don't care that much.

Ok, I care a little.

But I knew going in that this was a BIG ambition at this point in my life. And, you know, once I missed one day it was all downhill from there. :)

The past 10 days have been a bit crazy! Designing my Christmas cards, hiring and training a new caregiver, entering new realms of caregiving, brainstorming SAFE ways to do transfers and other things with Dorothy, getting ready for Thanksgiving, keeping Jordan up on his homework, and trying to stay caught up on sleep! (The latter of which has gone pretty well.)

I can tell this week that we've sort of stepped into a new "phase" with Dorothy. Transfers to the bathroom are no longer very safe (and are a bit nerve-wracking for me) so we're brainstorming there. Showers are no longer safe at all so she's been confined to bed baths until we can get a new (safer) shower chair. That process is taking FOREVER and now it will be at least next week before she gets one. Dorothy is a very stylish woman so going three days without washing her hair is gross for her (as it would be for anybody).

Heather comes down tonight, along with Terry (Dorothy's ex) and Jeff (Heather's boyfriend) and they're all staying through the weekend. I have five days off! :)

Today I'm going to get my hair cut (but I haven't actually told anybody that so you're the first to know) and I'm changing it up a bit. I have laundry to do, a car to clean out and a few groceries to buy. Tonight we're headed to Steve's sister's for a Thanksgiving dinner with his family. And tomorrow is the big day! :)

This and that

2009-11-15T18:57:00.000-08:00

Oh, I see how it is. Diana (my one and only commenter) has NO faith in me (see her comment on my previous post) and is confident that I will fail at NaBloPoMo.

It's on.

(And Diana, I guess you're responsible for coming up with as many questions as you can for Ask Mikaila Anything because apparently you and my grandma are the only people who read this blog and she's my grandma so she knows everything. Grandmas always know everything.)

******

Today I am pretty sure that having children will be easier than this caregiving job. Dorothy has had a fairly rotten weekend (at least, a fairly rotten Sunday) which makes for more work and more hands-on care and more exhaustion.

Although we did sleep 9 hours again last night, 7 of them uninterrupted! I feel pretty amazing sleep-wise after getting two of those nights in a row.

******

This week I will simply be focusing on getting through the week. If I can do that, I have quite a bit of "down time" coming up. I'm hoping the week won't be too rough at work (you know, with this whole OT drama) and that everything will play out smoothly. I'm also praying that the vice president will have mercy on my situation and be cool about the whole thing.

Next weekend Heather will be down for the whole weekend which means TWO days of sleeping in and maybe even an evening out (I feel like such a grownup when I get to have those). I can spend the whole day Saturday with my boys and not worry about what time I come home from church. I'm hoping to take that belaying class at OSU's indoor climbing center so that Jordan can go climb his little heart out on one of those days.

The following week we have an OHSU appointment and those days are generally fairly draining for both Dorothy and I. Her doctor up there is the Lou Gehrig's guru and doesn't skirt around tough subjects (because they have to be covered). So aside from a two-hour drive each way, there's usually quite a bit of crying (which makes for more snot/spit/etc. and more suctioning) and Dorothy is completely wiped when we get home, as am I. Luckily those appointments are always on Tuesdays so when we get home I get to let another caregiver take over (one who has more energy remaining) and I get to ditch out for a few hours.

And later that week is Thanksgiving! My favorite day of the entire year! We are expecting an extra big crowd this year (with 45 being our average most years) at somewhere around 60. There won't be too many people missing this year... And I'm stoked. Cousins I haven't seen in years and years! Babies I've never met! No curfew! :)

******

And now, my two faithful readers, I'm off to finalize The Letter so I can take it to work tomorrow...

Continuing saga...

2009-11-14T22:58:00.001-08:00

I bet you thought I was gonna miss a day, didn't you? :)

(Truth be told, I almost did. I literally forgot to post today and about an hour ago I had pretty much decided that oh well, so I "failed" at NaBloPoMo. I posted twice in one day this week so that counts. (Haha.) But then I washed my face and brushed my teeth and talked to my boyfriend on his drive home and it sort of woke me up so here I am!)

So this work thing...

I went over to HR yesterday and basically asked the guy over there what steps I need to take because there is NO WAY I can work 8 more hours in a week. For three weeks. No way at all.

Mr. HR Guy told me that my boss had given him a heads up that I might be coming to him (which was actually a good thing because it meant that he had some answers prepared for me).

What it comes down to is this: The overtime orders are coming from the vice president of our department. She oversees 5 hospitals. She's a bigwig.

I now need to write a letter explaining my need to be exempt from this overtime. HR Guy said that I should lay out my reasons but not go into TOO much detail. He said that I should also include what I told him about wanting vs. being able to work the OT. I am totally a team player and I totally want to be part of the solution (heck, I went into work today, on a SATURDAY, for two hours). But as you all know, wanting to help doesn't mean that I'm physically able.

I'm hoping to talk to my mom tomorrow about helping me with the letter. She used to work for the school district and wrote all SORTS of letters to bigwigs. I've never written one in my life. (Well, except for the time I wrote that very opinionated letter to Planned Parenthood when I was about 14 but that's a whole different post.)

And on a very happy note (Grandma B. this is for you)...

WE SLEPT FOR NINE WHOLE HOURS LAST NIGHT! And guess what?? 7 1/2 of those hours were UNINTERRUPTED!

Simply put, it was FANTASTIC. :)

And now, for some more of that good sleep.

Red Tape

2009-11-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

First of all, I am QUITE pleased to report that WE SLEPT UNTIL 5AM TODAY!!!

That's like 7 hours of sleep!

HALLELUJAH!

We had made another medication adjustment last night and are hoping that along with the oxygen Dorothy is now on, it will make a big difference. We'll try it again tonight and hopefully we'll see more improvement as we go. (Plus tonight is the weekend so we get more sleep anyway.)

I am currently going through some crap at work... An e-mail went out yesterday that every employee in our department is now required to work 8 hours of MANDATORY overtime each week for three weeks (starting Nov. 30th).

Simply put, I cannot do this.

However, this order is coming from our vice president so my supervisor and manager are not at liberty to exempt me from this new policy.

I will be going over to HR today to talk with the woman who knows all about Federal Leave Acts and all that stuff and will likely be taking paperwork to my doctor to fill out so that I can be exempt from the overtime.

I wish I COULD work the OT. I would love the money. I really DO want to be a part of the solution to the problem that's created this mandatory OT in the first place. I just simply can't. I have to get home to Dorothy. And even if we could find a caregiver to work another 8 hours a week (which is all but impossible), I can't ask Dorothy to shell out hundreds of more dollars just because MY job is making me work more.

As you can see, it's quite the situation. Hopefully my talk with HR will go well!

TGIF for sure.

Das Not Funny! Friday

2009-11-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

Click over on my right sidebar (under "memes I participate in") to learn more about this Friday fun!

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This week Steve was talking to Jordan about eating lunch at school. Namely, how Jordan needs to EAT lunch at school. Their conversation went something like this:

Steve: "Bub, you gotta eat some of the lunch I pack for you."

Jordan: "But, I don't LIKE peanut butter sandwiches!"

Steve: "You used to like them, what happened?"

Jordan: "It's JUST peanut butter, no jelly!"

Steve: "I put jelly on your sandwiches..."

Jordan: "Yeah! And somebody TAKES IT OUT!!!"

******

A coworker and I were talking about our office chairs and how she is supposed to be getting a new one but it takes FOREVER. I agreed that it was very frustrating. She spouted off, "It would be faster to just get gastric bypass surgery!"

******

This morning I was at the dentist getting a crown put on my tooth. We had a brief conversation about how getting a temporary crown over Thanksgiving is kind of the pits. The dentist told me that the cement he was using for the crown has a bit of a clove taste to it. The hygienist replied, "So it will go really well with your pumpkin pie!"

******

What funny things have happened to YOU this week? Add your link here with MckLinky!

Goings on

2009-11-12T10:32:00.000-08:00

It's TWO WEEKS until Thanksgiving! Let me tell you - I am VERY excited about that.

Here are a few things that I've been up to in the last couple of days:

* We've continued to adjust Dorothy's medications to try to get her to sleep through the night but the bottom line is that it just doesn't look likely. She wakes up between 2 and 4, unable to sleep. So the middle-of-the-night boost continues. She has also recently gone on oxygen at night in the hopes that that will help her sleep a little bit better.

* I hit a wall this week. Sunday night we were up 4 times and Monday I BARELY survived work. Tuesday I developed a headache around lunchtime and it persisted until yesterday, when I stayed home from work. I went and saw the doctor who basically told me, "If you don't start sleeping more, you're going to make yourself very sick." They gave me two shots for the headache, one in the back of each hip. Today it feels like I got a tetanus shot in my butt. My muscles are SO SORE. One of the shots made me very nauseous so last night was interesting. I actually had to stop mid-way through Dorothy's bedtime routine and go lay down on the cool bathroom floor for a few minutes. Really the only reason I'm at work today is because I simply don't have the PTO to stay home. I had planned to take Tuesday - Friday off Thanksgiving week but it looks like I'll be working Wednesday now (Tuesday is an OHSU day). Ick. The only reason I can take Friday off is because it's a mandatory day off and I have the option to take it unpaid.

* We have FINALLY found another caregiver! She will be working some of the hours we've currently just been piecing together and will also work Friday evenings which gives me a bit more time off. It's somebody who comes highly recommended by a girl who used to help Dorothy out and we totally trust her judgement. PLUS it's somebody I used to know and our parents have been friends for a long time so we practically don't even need to interview her. I'm thrilled.

And on a totally unrelated note... Do I really only have ONE READER?? Come on commenters! :) I have no material whatsoever for Ask Mikaila Anything! Ya'll gotta make yourselves known. :)

Wordless Wednesday - a glimpse of our weekend

2009-11-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

A day in the life...

2009-11-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

For quite some time now I've been wanting to do a post about how I spend my days. NaBloPoMo seemed like the perfect time!

I plan to be fairly detailed in this post because I want it to be real. I don't want to sugar coat my reality for you. =) I've spent some time jotting down when I do things and how long it takes so this is an average weekday for me. This day starts at 12:00am and ends at 11:59pm.

3:00am - My alarm goes off. I get up, go to the kitchen and prepare a medication to give to Dorothy. She has trouble sleeping through the whole night and needs a "booster" medication to help with this.

3:02am - I go into Dorothy's room and give the medication through her feeding tube. Luckily, she stirs but does not need anything else from me so I adjust her pillows a little bit and head back to bed.

4:41am - I hear Dorothy's bell again and go in her room to see what she needs, grumbling because it's only 45 minutes until my alarm goes off. She looks at me quizzically and I ask her if she rang. She shakes her head and I go back to bed, grumbling some more because I'm hearing the bell in my sleep.

5:25am - My alarm goes off and I hit snooze.

5:30am - My alarm goes off and I hit snooze.

5:35am - My alarm goes off and I hit snooze.

5:40am - My alarm goes off and I hit snooze. (I am REALLY bad at getting up in the mornings.)

This continues until 6am.

6:02am - I finally drag my butt out of bed, knowing that I will be 10 minutes late to work again.

6:03am - I stumble into the kitchen and flip on a dim light. I turn the hot water on, wash my hands and leave the water on to warm up.

6:04am - I run 100mLs of water into a measuring container and pour in one can of Jevity (the liquid feeding tube food). I set that aside and rinse the can.

6:05am - Once the water is hot I run about 2 Tablespoons into a small cup containing Dorothy's meds that I crushed the night before and mix them around to dissolve them.

6:07am - I take a syringe and pour in 20mL of one liquid medication, then 5mL of another medication, then 10mL of an antibiotic Dorothy is currently on. Then I pour in the water with the dissolved medication. I put the plunger in the syringe and push the air out. Then I fill another syringe with filtered water and do the same.

6:09am - I place the two syringes, plus another empty syringe into a dish and carry that and the container of water and Jevity into Dorothy's room.

6:09am - I set the containers down on the cart next to Dorothy's bed and raise the head of her hospital bed so she is not so reclined. She barely stirs and goes back to sleep.

6:10am - I take the feeding bag off the IV pole and close off the line. I pour the water and Jevity into the bag, close the top and "prime" the bag (running the feeding mixture through the line so there is no air).

6:11am - I open the top of Dorothy's feeding tube, put the empty syringe into the top and open the clip that closes off her tube. I use the empty syringe to suck air out of her stomach so she doesn't feel so bloated after eating. This takes anywhere from 1 to 6 syringe-fulls to complete. Each time I clip the tube closed, remove the syringe, push the air out and re-insert the syringe.

6:13am - I give Dorothy her medications and then flush the tube with 50mLs of water (just as a visual, 50mL of water is approximately equal to 1/4 cup). I insert the end of the feeding bag line into her tube, open her tube and start the drip.

6:14am - I take the syringes and containers back to the kitchen, rinse them out and lay them upside down on a cloth to dry.

6:15am - I head for the bathroom.

6:17am - I finally step into the shower.

6:42am - I step out of the shower. (Yes, I take crazy long showers. It's what I do instead of drinking coffee. And yes, I know if I cut my shower shorter, I would not be late for work.) I put on lotion, moisturize my face, etc.

6:49am - I head to my room to get dressed, stopping in the hallway on my way to peek in Dorothy's room and make sure the feeding tube is still dripping (sometimes it gets stuck). It's not, so I go into her room and adjust the drip speed. It will have to drip fairly fast so Dorothy gets her full feeding before I leave for work.

6:50am - I head to my room to get dressed for real. I notice that it's 6:50 and think, "Ugh."

6:52am - I go back into the bathroom to fix my hair and brush my teeth. This is a ponytail day or an air-dry day because I'm running so late. No time for earrings, etc.

6:57am - I go back to my room and pack my "work bag" with a book, my hairbrush and anything else I need for the day and grab my purse.

6:58am - I set my bags by the door and go into the kitchen to put my lunch in my lunch bag (I packed it the night before and left it in the fridge).

6:59am - I fill a syringe with 50mL of water and head back to Dorothy's room. I stop the drip line, clip off the feeding tube and remove the line. I flush her tube with the water and clip everything off and close it up. If she's awake I ask her if she needs anything and often I adjust her pillows whether she's awake or not. If she is awake she will likely ask for the dog to join her on the bed.

7:01am - I go into the kitchen, throw away the feeding bag (we use them for one day (4 feedings) and the daytime caregiver will start a new bag) and rinse out the syringe. I wash my hands, put on lotion, don my jacket, grab my stuff, turn out the lights and head out the door.

7:04am - I think to myself that I'm not doing as bad as SOME days, timewise, and I text a coworker to tell them I'm on my way. I put my stuff in the front seat of my car and drive to work.

7:11am - I arrive at work after getting stuck at two lights, park and walk in.

7:14am - Ok, so I'm not doing great on time after all. I clock in and start my shift.

During my work day I will often e-mail Dorothy's daughter about things, print new med sheets or answer questions from Dorothy's friends at the hospital about how she is doing. I'm never really "off" from being a caregiver.

3:30pm - My shift is supposed to end but since I was late this morning I'll try to stay a little bit late this afternoon to make up the time. I often will clock out closer to 3:45 or 4.

3:45pm - I leave the hospital and go across the street to the pharmacy. We are out of cough syrup, which Dorothy takes 3 times a day to help reduce phlegm. There is a line so I wait.

3:55pm - I finally walk to my car and leave campus. (Sometimes if I actually DO get off work on time, I will run a quick errand after work. There are days when I do this just to snag 15 minutes by myself.)

4:05pm - I get home, gather my stuff and go inside, shushing the dog as I walk through the door. I go in my room, put my stuff down and give Charlie a quick rub-down because if I don't, he won't leave me alone until I do. He'sjustsoexcitedbecausehehasn'tseenmeALLDAY!!! Dorothy is often sleeping in her wheelchair when I get home.

4:09pm - I go out to the kitchen and talk with Polly (the daytime caregiver) for a few minutes about how the day went and if there is anything I need to know. We have a passdown notebook where we write notes to each other, but verbal communication is very important, too. She fills me in on any major changes while I wash my hands.

4:15pm - Polly leaves and I go over to Dorothy to check on her. She may need her pillows adjusted or she may want her Kindle or laptop or TV remote. Often times she will be in the middle of a feeding so I wait for that to finish before I lay down for my nap. I busy myself by reading any notes from Polly or Hospice and looking over the feeding log for the day.

Sometimes a therapist or nurse is at the house when I get home but most often it's just Dorothy and Polly. If there is someone else there, I usually talk with them and glean any information I can.

4:30pm - After taking care of everything needing immediate attention, I go in my room, change into jeans and lay down for a nap. On a good day there are no interruptions and I might sleep for an hour and a half. Most days are not like that. =)

4:35pm - I fall asleep (which I've gotten really good at doing quickly).

4:45pm - The phone rings. It's usually either Dorothy's mom (we will call her back in the evening), a friend from church (who calls almost daily and tells me, "THIS IS MARYELLEN! YOU TELL DOROTHY I'M THINKING ABOUT HER AND I LOVE HER AND SHE'S IN MY PRAYERS. OK? YOU TELL HER THAT. ALRIGHT, BYE-BYE. She's a freaking hoot but there are days when I wish she would skip calling. ;), or Hope (a friend from the hospital who is over at least 4 days a week). I take the call and then go back in my room, taking the phone with me in case it rings again.

4:55pm - I have just barely fallen asleep when I'm woken up. Charlie has lost his toy under a piece of furniture and is growling at it, willing me to come and rescue it for him. I sigh, go out and shove him out of the way and retrieve the toy. Dorothy and I shake our heads at each other because he does this at least 3 dozen times a day. I figure I might as well feed Charlie while I'm up because in ten minutes he'll be bugging me about that, too.

5:15pm - I have just gotten back to sleep when the doorbell rings. It's Hope, here to take Charlie for a walk. He FREAKS OUT BECAUSE OMG, HE HASN'T SEEN HER SINCE YESTERDAY! and barks and jumps and is generally uncontrollable. She gets his leash and says hi to Dorothy while Charlie waits VERY impatiently and loudly for her to hurry up. They leave and I go back and lay down.

6:04pm - Dorothy beeps the horn on her wheelchair to get my attention. 45 minutes is what I get for a nap today but it's better than nothing. It will get me through to bedtime. I go out to see what Dorothy needs.

6:05pm - Dorothy is hungry so I prepare her food and water and start her feeding tube.

6:09pm - I ask Dorothy if she would like anything else. She wants the TV channel changed, and for me to take off her BiPap mask so she can suction her mouth (she produces more saliva than she can swallow).

6:10pm - I help Dorothy suction her mouth but the mask is so gross that I have to rinse it at the sink. I do this, dry it and put it back together.

6:15pm - Charlie and Hope come back right as I'm putting Dorothy's mask back on. Charlie freaks out because OMG, HE MISSED US AND HE WAS GONE FOR A WHOLE HOUR AND DIDN'T WE MISS HIM TOO?!?! Hope asks Dorothy if she can rub her feet for her and I write down Dorothy's food/water in the log book.

6:18pm - I make some dinner for myself and for Hope and eat. Some nights I COOK dinner but tonight is not one of those nights so we have a simple dinner of pasta (although I do make the sauce from scratch).

6:45pm - I rinse the dishes from dinner, load the dishwasher and wipe the counters.

6:55pm - I go into my room and think, "Wow, I should tidy up a little" but instead, I open my laptop and read blogs. :)

7:10pm - Dorothy honks her horn again and I go out and see that her feeding is done. I flush her tube, rinse the feeding bag and hang it up to dry.

Some nights around this time Steve and Jordan will come over and we'll hang out in my room and read or sit at the kitchen table and do homework. On this particular night they don't come over though so I'm trying to have some ME time in my room, relaxing.

7:14pm - I visit some more blogs and read what's going on in some blog communities. I plug in my iPod to charge it up and sync some music. I might read a magazine or call a friend.

8:02pm - I hear Hope saying goodbye in the living room so I quickly finish what I'm doing and go out there. She is leaving earlier than usual tonight but I am very thankful because that means an earlier bedtime.

8:05pm - Dorothy is ready to get ready for bed so I take off her blankets, move the pillows under her legs, set aside her white board and TV remote and take off her breathing mask. I help her wipe her face with a washcloth and she wheels into her bedroom.

8:10pm - Dorothy parks her wheelchair and we start the bedtime routine.

8:11pm - I undo Dorothy's wheelchair seatbelt, take off her pants, hoist her forward and position the sling for the lift behind her back. I lift each of her legs one at a time to get the sling in place. I pull the lift up to her chair and hook the straps of the sling to the lift.

8:13pm - I raise her up out of her chair, careful to attach her catheter bag to the lift so it comes too and doesn't pull. I maneuver the lift around and push Dorothy up to the shower chair she uses in the bathroom. I lower the lift, positioning Dorothy as far back in the chair as I can. Once she's resting on the chair, I pull the lift back a little bit and go behind the chair where I grab the straps of the sling Dorothy is in and use my arm muscles (of which I had none when I moved in) to pull her up and back even more in the chair. If she doesn't get back far enough, she slides forward too far and... let's just say I'll have some cleaning up to do later. So we try to get it right the first time. :)

8:15pm - I remove the sling and push the lift back into its corner. I unlock the brakes on the shower chair, wheel Dorothy into the bathroom and position the chair over the toilet. I help Dorothy sit forward in the chair (so she's not slumped against the back of it) and leave the room, closing the door.

8:17pm - I go back in Dorothy's room, park her wheelchair off to the side and plug it in to charge for the night. I raise the head of her bed and adjust the sheets, and do a couple of other things to get ready to put her in bed.

8:21pm - Dorothy taps the buckle of the "seatbelt" on her chair to let me know she's finished and I go back in the bathroom. I flush the toilet, reposition her chair in front of the sink and grab the baby wipes (yes, to wipe her bum). After cleaning her up I empty her catheter bag into the toilet and flush again.

8:24pm - I wash my hands and put toothpaste on Dorothy's toothbrush. I drape a towel over her chest and use one hand to hold her head upright because her neck muscles are getting very weak. I brush her teeth and rinse the toothbrush.

8:26pm - I position a container under Dorothy's chin and she holds it there while I use a water pik to rinse her mouth of toothpaste.

8:28pm - I run a washcloth under hot water and wash Dorothy's face. I pat it dry and put lip balm on her lips. I ask her if she'd like me to do anything else and she thinks for a second, then smiles and shakes her head.

8:31pm - I wheel Dorothy back into her room, take off her "seatbelt," hoist her forward and position the sling behind her again. I attach the sling to the lift and the catheter bag to the sling and lift her out of the shower chair. I move the shower chair into the hallway and push the lift up to the bed. I swing Dorothy's legs around so she is parallel with the bed and attach the catheter bag to the bed frame.

8:33pm - I slowly lower the lift, positioning Dorothy where she needs to be and repositioning the lift as needed so it doesn't come down on her head. When she's all the way lowered I remove the sling from the lift and then remove the sling from behind Dorothy. I push the lift back against the wall and throw the sling over it.

8:36pm - I put a pillow behind Dorothy's head and one under her shins to elevate her heels (to prevent sores). I put a sheet over her and then position various pillows on either side of her (I say various pillows but there is a science that WORKS and we don't stray from it!). :) I drape the comforter over Dorothy and pull her bedside table over the bed so she can reach her bell.

8:40pm - I go into the living room and retrieve the cart that holds Dorothy's BiPap machine, suction machine, and other various things we use. I wheel that into the bedroom and plug in the BiPap machine. Dorothy wants to suction her mouth before putting on her mask so we do that. I put her mask on and make sure it's positioned right before I turn on the machine. (Are you seeing a trend with the positioning of everything?)

8:45pm - I either turn Dorothy's TV on and find something she wants to watch, or bring her her laptop or Kindle, depending on what she wants. I get everything set up for her and start on the rest of the "bedtime routine."

8:48pm - I throw dirty clothes and dirty washcloths into the hamper or washing machine. I put the shower chair back in the bathroom and drape wet washcloths over the faucet to dry or throw them in the laundry. I lock the doors and turn off the porch lights. I tidy up the living room (pillows on couches, blankets draped over chairs, magazines in piles, TV remotes on the coffee table, fireplace turned off, slippers/pens/etc. picked up.

8:57pm - I sit down at the kitchen table to write a note to Polly for the next morning. I let her know of any major happenings over the course of the evening (if Dorothy had a choking spell or if she was extra teary, etc.) and let her know of anything that needs to be done the next day (medication refills, notes for the Hospice nurse, etc.). I tell her things like if the dishwasher is clean and if we had trouble with anything (i.e. any machines acting funny). Basically just anything she may need to know for the next day. I look at the schedule book so I know what's happening the next day and will know what to ask about when I get home from work.

(I am USUALLY interrupted while writing this note.)

9:13pm - I wash my hands, prepare Dorothy's evening meds and give those to her via her feeding tube. She is busy watching TV and in about 10 minutes she will ask me if I've given her her meds and I will laugh and say, "Uh, yeah, you were there!" and she will laugh and shake her head. :)

9:18pm - I initial that I've given Dorothy her meds and start a log sheet for the next day. I initial the meds I will give in the morning and write down that she will have 240mL of food and 200mL of water at 6am. I flip back to the note I wrote to Polly and leave that page open in the notebook so she sees it first.

9:24pm - I let Charlie outside while I pack my lunch. I put everything into lunch-box-sized containers and leave them in the fridge for the morning. I set out anything non-refrigerated so I don't forget it. I call Charlie back in the house and give him a biscuit if he comes (we're working on that whole "come" thing). I wipe his paws.

9:34pm - I wash my hands and get Dorothy's morning meds ready by crushing everything she will take and setting out the liquid meds. I also crush the medication she will take at 3am and set it out.

9:39pm - I go in the bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth.

9:45pm - I go through the house and turn off all the lights. I check on Dorothy and ask her if she'd like me to turn the TV off when she's done with the show she's watching. She would so I go in my room and put away my laptop and any clothes/stuff lying around. I set out stuff for work tomorrow and change into my pajamas.

10:00pm - I go in Dorothy's room and turn off the TV. She usually writes a question or comment on her white board and we talk for a minute. I tuck her in by pulling her blankets allll the way up to her chin and making sure her pillows are adjusted right. I recline her bed a little bit and make sure she's comfortable. I also make sure her bell is within reach before I say goodnight and turn out the lights.

10:08pm - I go back into my room and think to myself, "We did pretty good tonight!" 10:10 is a fairly early bedtime for us! I read for a few minutes, check Twitter, text Steve and set my alarm for 3am before I turn out my light.

And thus ends a day in my life. :)

"Not Me" Monday

2009-11-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Hop on over here to find out what this Not Me! business is all about!

Here are a few things that I would NOT have been caught doing this week!

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I did NOT completely flip out when I finally went to fix my car blinker, got everything taken apart and realized the guy at the auto store sold me the wrong part! And I would never say to my boyfriend, when he suggested that I just take my car to Jiffy Lube and pay them $20 to do it for me, "No! Because I am a GIRL and I can FIX my car and it will only cost me $4!" Nope, not me!

******

This week at work when an angry patient called me on the phone I certainly did not laugh under my breath at her because she was making her situation more complicated than it needed to be. I am a professional and I always listen politely and never roll my eyes while on the phone! So when she started screaming at me I did not get a little bit happy over the fact that I was going to tell her, "Ma'am, if you continue to yell at me, I am going to end this call." And then I did not get a little bit bummed when she hung up on me first! Psh, how childish. Not me!

******

This week when Steve and Jordan were in the den reading, I did NOT let Charlie jump up on the bed with them just because he looked so mopey. He's a DOG! So then when they left and he stayed on the bed, I would never have just let him sleep there all night! Not me!

******

What things did you not do this week? Link your post here with MckLinky!

Bucket List

2009-11-08T06:57:00.000-08:00

A loooong time ago I started a list of things I want to accomplish in life. While I've lived with Dorothy and often feel like there are things I want to do that I simply don't have time for (i.e. I need to be here with her and not out fulfilling my own needs) I have added a lot to this list. Here is a portion of it for your enjoyment! These are in absolutely no order and are things I want to accomplish because I want to, not because I feel like I should. :)

1. Learn to play the harp

2. Get married and raise a family

3. Homeschool my kids

4. Swim with dolphins

5. Travel to NYC

6. Be a counselor

7. Skydive

8. Lead someone to God

9. Visit Hawaii

10. Get a degree

11. Join a book club

12. Learn to dance really well (especially Ballroom and Swing)

13. Buy a house

14. Travel abroad

15. Be a stay-at-home-mom (even for a short time)

16. Learn to surf

17. Read at least 10 classic books

18. Learn to pass seven clubs (juggling)

19. Become diligent at menu planning and shopping more frugally

20. Learn to play the guitar

21. Keep adding to my list

Mommyhood hopes and dreams

2009-11-07T06:27:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking quite a lot lately about the future. Namely, my future children.

Steve and I talk all the time (like, daily) about our future kids. Their names (yes, we've named them), our hopes for their personalities (his silliness and my level-headed-ness) and the way we will raise them.

As Jordan continues to call me Mommy more than he calls me Kaila and Steve continues to refer to me as Mommy and never as Kaila, I've been thinking about this more and more.

As Jordan journeys along through second grade this year and I sit with him in the evenings and work on things like expanded notation and identifying the beginning, middle and end of stories, I think about it more and more.

Here are just a few other things that I am greatly looking forward to about motherhood:

* I cannot wait to see the look on Jordan's face when he becomes a big brother. He asks us weekly (and often more frequently) when he gets a baby brother or sister. He has all sorts of creative names up his sleeve and I'm sure that his younger siblings will end up with quite the unique nicknames. :)

* Steve and I have talked a lot about my desire to homeschool our kids. Steve recently talked with Jordan about this and Jordan has expressed that he would like to finish 5th grade at his current elementary school and then he would like to be homeschooled as well. I love his school. They have molded and structured his learning to fit his needs and he has totally blossomed because of it. He has had wonderful teachers for all 3 of his years there and they have worked very closely with Steve and I to keep Jordan on track and to make learning fun for him.

I have always looked back on my own homeschooling journey with VERY fond memories and I would love to provide that for my kids as well. I learned how to cook and type and sew when I was 8 years old. I learned to be friends with every age group, not just my own. I remember the homeschool groups and the plays and the book writing... I am so anxious to do it all again.

* I want to be a babywearing, breastfeeding, baby-food-making mama. And a blogging one. :)

* I hope to have a whole gob of kids. Ok, maybe 4 more for a total of 5. Steve is a little leery but he says as long as we're all healthy and happy and can afford it, he wants lots of kids, too. I'm fairly certain that God will keep us happy and healthy and allow us to afford as many kids as he wants us to have. :)

Das Not Funny! Friday

2009-11-06T06:55:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile!!!

(Click here to read about Das Not Funny! Friday.)

Here are a few of the things that have had ME laughing lately!

******

At a game night recently, a friend was talking about how cool something was and my brother goes, "Yep. It's one of those things they're calling "epic" these days!"

******

Jordan was talking to me about Charlie (my dog) and making up all kinds of stories about him having money and a wallet. He asked me where Charlie would put his wallet and I said, "In his pocket, of course!" Jordan asked where his pockets were and I told him they were there, you just can't see them because of all his fur.

Jordan paused for a second and then looked at me, made two thumbs-up signs and wiggled his thumbs at me, saying, "But how's he gonna get his money out? He doesn't have opposable thumbs!"

******

My cousin is a teacher at a daycare center and always has hilarious stories to tell about the kids she works with. Recently she told a story about a little boy who noticed her cross necklace and asked her, "Do you love Jejus??" She told him yes, she did love Jesus. "I love Jejus, too!" he replied. "AND DRAGONS!"

******

What about you? What funny things have you heard this week? Write your own post and share it here with MckLinky!

Thursday Thirteen - 13 sites I enjoy

2009-11-05T06:12:00.000-08:00

1. Blogger, of course! :)

2. Twitter. What can I say?

3. Slogan Generator. This one is fun to plug in with people's names.

4. MckMama. Her family could also use your prayers right now. Stop by and read their story!

5. AtlasQuest. For all your letterboxing needs! :)

6. I Can Has Cheezburger. One for the cat lovers out there!

7. Dancing Hippo! This is one that Jordan enjoys.

8. Facebook. Hey, let's be real here.

9. 4tunate. What a great blog.

10. Nick.com. This is another one Jordan enjoys.

11. Reading to Know. This is the blog of a friend of mine and has a lot to offer!

12. Winnie the Pooh and Hippo, too! This is ADORABLE. Really, if you're going to follow two of the links in this post, make them these last two. (And #4.)

13. And my all-time favorite... Haha Baby. I seriously laugh so hard at this that tears come to my eyes.

Wednesday - Dorothy's 66th birthday

2009-11-04T06:44:00.000-08:00

I had intended for this to be a Wordless Wednesday post and a chance to finally share photos from Dorothy's birthday party. However, as I was posting the photos I realized that they really have a story behind them and since Dorothy is so dear to me, it's a story I want to share.

Dorothy is a watercolor artist and has become very good over the years. She still loves to paint and thankfully it is something that she is still able to do and still enjoys in short sessions. Since I have lived with her she has finished four pieces.

Heather and I had talked about what we could do for Dorothy's birthday that would be meaningful to her and came up with the idea to display her art and have a small artist's reception for her. We had originally wanted to display her artwork in the hallway of the hospital where she is very well known and respected, but that option didn't pan out for us. Instead, Heather and Dorothy's neighbor and dear friend Ellen contacted the owner of an art gallery here in town and he agreed to let us display Dorothy's art and hold a reception for her on the afternoon of her birthday.

We had wine and appetizers for everyone to enjoy:

My manager from work even came. :) He thinks very highly of Dorothy and it was fun to have him stop by.

The rainbow cake was (obviously) a SMASHING success. I actually got a bit tired of explaining how I had made it! Haha.

This is my favorite piece of Dorothy's and one she finished just recently for her mom's 96th birthday. It's one that I will eventually get a print of and hang in my own house. I believe she painted this from a photo that was taken in her neighbor's yard.

I am going to get a print of this photo and frame it, too. :)

Dorothy, Heather and I:

Dorothy, since living with you I have learned SO much and even though we have our hard days, this experience is not one that I would trade. You have helped me to become a better, more understanding, more patient person and have really enriched my life and the lives of people very close to me. Thank you for giving me this opportunity and for sharing your home and your family and friends with me. I love you very much!

Recipe - Rainbow Cake

2009-11-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

I know you've all been just DYING to know how I made the incredible rainbow cake for Dorothy's birthday, haven't you? :)

I'm here to tell you!

I should warn you ahead of time though: while this cake is definitely not hard to make, it is VERY time consuming. But also totally worth it. I don't think I have ever gotten so many compliments before on something I've made!

Let's begin, shall we?

For the cake, you will need:

2 boxes of white cake mix (Ok, I usually make my cakes from scratch but in this case, that would have been even MORE work. And the cake mixes I used (Betty Crocker) were actually quite delicious.)

Food coloring (I used gel coloring that I got at the craft store. It comes in ALL colors and is the only way you will get a true purple or orange.)

Make up the first cake mix and separate it into three bowls (about 1 1/2 cups per bowl). Color one bowl of cake mix blue, another green and the third bowl purple.

Pour each one of these bowls of batter into a 9-inch cake pan and bake according to the directions on the box. Remember to check the cakes about 10 minutes before they should be done. With less batter in the pans, they tend to cook faster.

Mix up the second cake mix and repeat the coloring process, this time with red, orange and yellow. Bake these three cakes the same way.

Let all six cakes cool completely. Using a bread knife, cut into the cakes horizontally to even them out. They tend to have dips and valleys baked into them and you want the tops to be level. This is important so that the colors will display evenly when the completed cake is cut. Your rainbow will appear warped and not even unless you level the tops of each cake first.

To make the frosting you will need:

4 (8 oz.) packages of cream cheese, softened
1 cup butter, softened
5-6 cups powdered sugar
1 T vanilla

To make the frosting:

Mix together room temperature cream cheese and butter until well combined. Add vanilla and combine. Slowly add the powdered sugar. After the 5th cup, taste the frosting. If you would like it sweeter, add the 6th cup (I did). If you like it the way it is, leave the 6th cup out.

To assemble the cake:

Start your assembly with the purple layer. Lay your purple cake on your cake stand or plate. Frost the cake with enough frosting to spill over the edges. Use the flat side of a large knife to smooth out the frosting on the cake.

Add the blue layer of cake on top of the purple one. Again, frost to top of the cake with enough to spill over the edges. Use your knife to smooth out the frosting. This time, also run the edge of the knife along the outside of the cakes to smooth the edges.

Put the cake in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours or the freezer for 1 hour.

Repeat with the green layer, and then the yellow layer.

Put the cake in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours or the freezer for 1 hour.

Repeat with the orange layer and finally with the red layer.

It really helps to freeze the cake between assembling layers. The cake can start to get really heavy by the time you add the 4th layer or so and if it is partially frozen at this point (or at least chilled), it will hold up much better. In addition, it is easier to frost a cold cake than it is to frost one that is wobbling all over the place! :)

Cover the cake with frosting and run the smooth, flat side of a knife all over and around your cake to smooth it out nicely. Add wording or decorations with royal icing. You can also add frosting and food coloring to a pastry bag and add little dollops of frosting around the bottom edge of the cake, but clearly I forgot to do that. :)

Voila! Beautiful Rainbow Cake!

"Not Me" Monday

2009-11-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

This is the first "Not Me" Monday in quite awhile! Click here to find out what this meme is all about!

Feeling guilty for eating 15 Oreos in one sitting? Hoping nobody saw you having a heated conversation with yourself in the car? Embarrassed for the sake of the UPS guy when you answered the door in your pajamas and no bra? Well, don't be! Here are a few things that I did NOT do this week:

For one thing, I did NOT tell Jordan that if he couldn't carry his own Trick or Treat bag, he could be done Trick or Treating. I would NEVER threaten to end an evening of fun over who was going to carry a bag. And OF COURSE the bag was heavy! I would never refuse to believe that my child couldn't carry a bag containing 10 pieces of candy. Not me!

I also did NOT buy a light bulb to replace the blinker in my car and then forget (AGAIN) to actually replace it! I am totally NOT the kind of person who would drive around town with a barely-working blinker that blinks triple-time. No way. Not me!

And finally, there is NO chance that on Halloween night I ate a piece of CHOCOLATE before bed! I would never risk an allergic reaction, nor would I hope and pray that I would sleep through the major headache that was sure to ensue. That would NOT have been me. Nope!

What about you? What have you NOT done this week? Post about it on your blog and add your link here with MckLinky!

Welcome...

2009-11-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

...to NaBloPoMo! This month is going to be super fun and I am really looking forward to it!

I recently gave you a sneak peak of what this month looks like but here are the highlights again. =)

*A Day In The Life (learn what it's REALLY like to be a caregiver)
*New recipes
*At least one video post
*A giveaway! It will be my first! (And it will likely be tied together with a contest so hold tight to your seat!)
*A guest post!

And one of the things I'm looking forward to the most - Ask Mikaila Anything!

All you have to do this month is think up questions to ask me! Simply leave a comment on any of my posts leading up to that day (hint: it will be towards the end of the month so you have lots of time) and I will do my best to answer any and all questions!

I would love to hear more from my readers (most of which I think are lurkers) so don't be afraid to be interactive this month! I would really enjoy getting to know some of you better!

Ok, you do actually have one more job this month...

Enjoy NaBloPoMo!

Never a dull moment

2009-10-28T10:56:00.000-07:00

The last two days have certainly NOT been dull! Here are just a few of the highlights:

1) I am now getting up at 3:00 every morning to give Dorothy a "booster" medication to help her sleep through the rest of the night. Apparently she has been waking up around 4 every morning, unable to go back to sleep. 3am SUCKS. It's too close to 5:30am when my alarm goes off and hello, who wants their beauty sleep interrupted?? But it is what it is so I just keep plugging along!

2) I have been having horrible dreams lately! Really bad ones! Like, two nights ago I dreamed that my parents GOT DIVORCED! Not only would that NEVER happen, I don't want to think about it! I consider a dream like that a nightmare! And they've been common for the past few weeks. Usually at least once a night I wake up from either a really strange dream or a really horrible one. It makes me wonder if I talk in my sleep during the bad ones. Dorothy says I've done that before.

3) Yesterday a coworker and I were exchanging e-mails. This is something we do often (we're also friends outside of work) and we always just hit reply, rather than starting a new e-mail. Hence, this particular e-mail that was sent yesterday had about two weeks worth of e-mails tacked onto it.

I sent him an e-mail around 10:30am saying that I was going on a break so if he could be "backup" for another coworker, that would be great.

Around 1:30 he and I got an e-mail from some woman neither of us know saying that our e-mail had been posted to Public Notices for all to see.

That's BAD. Really, REALLY BAD.

Public Notices is basically an online bulletin board and is system wide. EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE in Samaritan can view this board. For those of you who don't know, Samaritan is HUGE. We have five hospitals.

Now, there wasn't any patient information in this e-mail and we hadn't been cussing anybody out or anything. BUT, I had been fairly annoyed with another coworker earlier in the day and had vented to Caleb about that. Deep down in the e-mail was a blurb about the argument I had with my boyfriend last week and how frustrated I had been. Even deeper down was a copy of a personal text message. Once in the e-mail I read the F word. You know, the type of dirty laundry you DON'T WANT THE ENTIRE COMPANY TO READ!

Caleb immediately deleted the e-mail and caught me in the hall on my way back from lunch to tell me in person what had happened. After being QUITE mortified, I decided we had better talk to our manager about it. He was very cool and thanked us for coming to him and giving him a heads up on the situation. He asked us how this could have happened and nobody can figure it out. I even called the I.S. department and they don't know how it happens, just that it occasionally does.

So now Caleb and I are just hoping that not TOO many people read the e-mail in its entirety (you know, just the harmless first sentence) and that nobody comes to our boss to try to get us into trouble.

4) More caregiver drama. We have one caregiver who has become a TOTAL flake and it totally sucks because she's also Dorothy's favorite and is REALLY good at what she does. But, you know, being reliable is a very big part of it. I have an interview today at 5:30 with a potential caregiver and I am SO hoping she's awesome and wonderful and a perfect fit for Dorothy.

So, folks! That's my week in a nutshell! Stay tuned because I'm SURE there will be more! :)

I scream, you scream

2009-10-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I stopped at Cold Stone on my way home from work. I've been having some major tooth pain (which I'm getting fixed in 3 weeks) and something cold sounded really good. And no, that's not my excuse for buying ice cream, it's my reason. Excuses are for people in denial and I am NOT in denial about my ice cream addiction. =)

I am generally at Cold Stone on weekday afternoons and the same employee is there 99% of the time. Her name is Sunshine.

I told Sunshine that Twitter was to blame for me coming in because they advertise their FREE WAFFLE WEDNESDAY every week and, well, that sounded pretty yummy. She laughed and told me that was great - their advertising was working!

While I was paying for my ice cream, Sunshine asked me if I had a punch card. I said, "NO, but I SHOULD have one!" I told her that they used to have punch cards LONG ago and then they ran out and never got any more. She punched my card 5 times because, well, she knows I've been there at least that many times in the past few weeks.

She then proceeded to hand me 5 or 6 unused cards and told me that they would likely run out again at some point so I should have these. =)

While it's sad that I'm in Cold Stone so much that they pretty much know me by name (somehow that's more embarrassing than the baristas at your favorite coffee shop knowing you by name), it's nice to be treated as a loyal customer! =)

Wordless Wednesday - photo shoot

2009-10-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

Coming right up... Ribbit

2009-10-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

I have to be totally honest here. I have some great posts up my sleeve. BUT. There's this thing called NaBloPoMo. You don't even have to click on that link - I'll tell you what it is. National Blog Posting Month. You post every day for one month. That's it!

I know, pretty simple, huh? A couple of my friends participated last year and I thought, "You know, I don't want to have to try really hard to come up with 30 days worth of posts and therefore risk losing the fun of blogging." But this year I'm starting to network a little more in the blogging community and the traffic on my blog has increased quite a bit. I think I'll give it a shot!

So folks, while I try to give you SOMETHING to read for the rest of this month (you know, so you're not TOTALLY bored while waiting for November to roll around), you can anticipate these post topics, COMING SOON:

*My hopes and dreams for mommyhood, both with Jordan and future children.
*A Day In The Life (learn what it's REALLY like to be a caregiver)
*New recipes
*At least one video post
*Ask Mikaila Anything (start thinking up your questions now!)
*And if you're lucky, maybe even a giveaway! It would be my first!

Of course, I will still participate in some of the memes I have done in the past. You can see what those are over on my right sidebar.

And now, I'd like you to meet some new friends of mine, Darryl and Darryl.

Steve and I have always had a "thing" with frogs. I think this started because way back when, Steve didn't call me a dork or a turkey, he would call me a toad. Ever since then, they have been the "object" in our relationship. (Even though that's totally hard to explain, I think you probably know what I mean. Some people do roses, others do stars, we do frogs.)

For our anniversary Steve told me that he was bringing my present over and that I needed to put the dog away. I thought, "It's either food or something alive and he would never get me something alive because Dorothy would freak."

It was something alive.

I couldn't believe it when I unwrapped these guys! They're so cute and fun to watch! They're really quite active (at least, at the moment they are swimming ALL over the place - maybe I gave them seizures from the camera flash) and kind of relaxing to observe.

Of course, they needed names. My dad is actually the one who suggested Darryl and Darryl and I thought it was hilarious. Especially because they're pretty darn hard to tell apart. I gave them middle names as well because I also liked Steve's suggestions. So they are Darryl Herman and Darryl Louie.

Apparently these guys will live 2-4 years and I love that they are almost no maintenance at all. I feed them twice a week (stuff similar to fish food) and as long as their buddy Gary (a snail) stays alive, I only have to change their water every 5 months. My kind of pets!

(Don't get me wrong, I would love a cat but then Dorothy really WOULD freak!)

Star Wars in concert

2009-10-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday evening we took a trip to Portland to see Star Wars In Concert at the Rose Quarters. Jordan saw an advertisement for this event months ago on TV. He came over and told me how cool it looked and how he REALLY wanted to go. We looked it up online and I told him sorry bud, it's really expensive and we can't afford three tickets. Jordan is a kid who saves and saves and saves his money and never spends it. He told me that he wanted to use his own money to buy a ticket to this concert. My 8-year-old shelled out seventy of his own dollars to buy his concert ticket and months later I still think that is SO COOL. This was obviously a memory he will carry for a LONG TIME.

When we first got inside the Rose Quarters we were headed for the bathrooms. Along the way there were people dressed up as characters from the movie. Very elaborately dressed, I might add! I snapped Jordan's picture with a few of them. Judging by the look on his face, he was slightly unsure about a couple of them. =)

We couldn't NOT get a picture with Darth Vader, even though we had to wait in line (which was actually just a mob of people, not a line at all) for quite awhile.

Then we found our seats. Behind that screen is a full orchestra and full choir. They were PHENOMENAL. At the beginning of the show, someone came and pulled on these sheets so they came cascading down, revealing the orchestra. (I wish I'd gotten a picture of them.)

There was also a huge screen (this next photo was actually taken by a friend of Steve's who, ironically, was sitting across the coliseum from us) where they played clips from the movies while the orchestra played the scores.

One of the parts that I thought was the absolute coolest was that Anthony Daniels was the narrator of the evening. For those of you who don't know, Anthony Daniels is the actor who played C-3PO! He was there live! I still can't get over how neat that is. He was an AWESOME narrator and at one point even did a little impression of C-3PO, wiggling his arms around and talking in his voice. =)

The other part I considered to be the best was just watching Jordan and the sheer joy and excitement on his face. He was SO glad he spent his money on a ticket and Steve and I were SO glad that we each shelled out seventy bucks as well. Watching Jordan as he sat enthralled by the laser show, the live music, the thrill of seeing Anthony Daniels down on the stage... It was totally priceless.

Sneak preview

2009-10-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

Oh, don't worry, I will certainly be posting the recipe for this cake! It's too cool not to share. I originally got it from MckMama, who got it from a friend of hers. I made it yesterday for Dorothy's birthday today. Go ahead. TELL me this isn't the most awesome cake you've seen in awhile!

(And PS! Though fairly time consuming, it's really a pretty easy cake to make!)

5 for Friday - five things I am looking forward to!

2009-10-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

October is an exciting month for me. At least this year. (Who am I kidding? My anniversary is in October, therefore it is one of my favorite months anyway.) This year it's extra good.

1. Not only is Monday my four year anniversary, it is also Dorothy's 66th birthday. Heather and Ellen (our neighbor) have been scheming and have put together an art show to honor Dorothy! For a couple of hours on Monday evening we will be having a small artist's reception at an art gallery downtown and will display several of Dorothy's watercolor paintings. (I will try to post one of her paintings on here soon.) I am very excited for it.

2. Next Wednesday is the Star Wars orchestra concert that Jordan has been WAITING for! I'm not totally sure what to expect but I know we will have a great time. I'm a little nervous because there wasn't an option to buy a child ticket but I'm hoping that's just because there was no price break. I'm thinking Jordan certainly will not be the only child there. I mean, it's Star Wars.

3. I have 2 1/2 days off work next week! One of those days I will be hanging out at home most of the day because I want a chance to meet with Dorothy's Hospice nurse and social worker (plus I want to sleep in!). But the next day Steve and I get to leave mid-morning for our anniversary at the coast! Which brings me to...

4. Our anniversary! I am so thrilled to be getting out of town, even for just one night. I'm hoping the weather is decent enough to go for a walk on the beach but if not, that's ok. I like rainy weather at the coast, too. :) I'm really excited to give Steve his gift, too. Yay!

5. And last, but certainly not least, my cousin is getting married towards the end of this month and I'm very excited about that! I barely know his wife-to-be (I've only met her once) but I'm hoping to get to know her around Christmas when I will hopefully see them at two different family gatherings.

Hooray for things to look forward to!

Play-by-play

2009-10-07T06:38:00.000-07:00

Here is a recount of how my Monday morning started out. (Disclaimer: there are a few words in this post that I don't normally use. Like the word shit.)

4:36am – Charlie (the dog) is in Dorothy’s room not-so-discreetly trying to alert somebody that he needs attention (i.e. to go outside). He does this by giving a short, low growl or by yawning with a little sing-song sound at the end. I can hear him through the baby monitor so it’s really hard to ignore him. (Why he didn't come into my room to get me up, I don't know. Dorothy certainly wasn't going to get out of bed to let the knucklehead outside.)
4:37am – I am laying in bed willing Charlie to shut up but knowing that he won’t.
4:38am – I get out of bed and he immediately runs over, prancing and jumping around in front of me so that I can’t even walk forward.
4:38am – I open the back door, flip on the porch light and Charlie SHOOTS out the door. I look over to the fenceline just in time to see a flash of something in the bushes.
4:38am – Charlie BOLTS over to the fence, snarling and barking at whatever animal is over there.
4:38am – The animal snarls and snaps back at him! And thus begins a very loud snarling/snapping/barking session.
4:39am – I YELL at the stupid dog, probably waking up half the neighbors, and clap my hands loudly at him, telling him to shut the eff up.
4:40am – Charlie wanders into the yard, does his business and then looks back over at the fence.
4:40am – I tell him to COME HERE RIGHT NOW.
4:40am – He looks at the fence, looks at me, back at the fence, back at me.
4:41am – Charlie decides the he would rather not listen to me and heads back for the fence.
4:41am – I am FED up with him (and with being awake at this hour) and march out into the wet, freezing cold grass, in my bare feet, to get him.
4:42am – I STEP IN A PILE OF DOG CRAP.
4:42am – I spew a whole bunch of things I can’t repeat, mostly at the dog.
4:43am – I am now beyond pissed at the dog, grab him by the collar, march him up onto the deck and put him in the house, cursing a LOT in the process.
4:43am – I go over to the corner of the house and hose down my feet with FREEZING COLD water.
4:44am – I go back in the house, mutter some more angry things at the dog (if Dorothy was awake I’m sure she was wondering what the HECK was going on) and go in the bathroom.
4:45am – I wash my feet in the tub.
4:47am – I head back to my room, pointing down the hall to Dorothy’s room and telling Charlie to go back to bed.
4:47am – He doesn’t listen to me and I get back in bed.
4:48am – Charlie is still standing in the hallway, making noise and being an utter pain in my you-know-where.
4:48am – I get back out of bed, lead him to HIS bed and make him get in and lay down.
4:49am – I pat his head for good measure (even though he’s totally on my shit list) and go back in my room.
4:50am – I lay in bed, unable to fall back asleep.
5:15am – I finally fall sleep.
5:25am – My alarm goes off.

And this is why I am a cat person.

Charlie is lucky the snarling animal wasn't a skunk. I would have gone back to bed and left him outside until the sun came up!

Tuesday Newsday - caregiving

2009-10-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

If you're tired of reading about my caregiving endeavors, I would recommend skipping this post! (Although it's not a downer like some have been.)

Dorothy made the switch to Hospice a few weeks ago and that has been going well. It means there is a nurse at the house for a visit at least twice a week instead of only once every week or two. She also has a physical therapist, a social worker and various other "staff" available to serve her needs.

Hospice has been totally great and have been very proactive on Dorothy's behalf. Since the switch she has gotten a new mattress for her bed (the previous memory foam gave her bedsores - another thing I learned about). This new mattress has continuous air flow and changes pressure points on her body so no one part of her body has total pressure on it all night. It's also (somehow) made it easier for her to recline the bed further and she now sleeps in less of a sitting position and more of a lying down position. Hospice also brought her a table on wheels that we can position over the bed (just like in the hospital) which has also been great and very helpful to her, especially when watching TV (no more trying to aim the remote - it just rests on the table, already aimed). I have been up in the night much less since the new mattress arrived - therefore, I am a BIG fan of it. :)

There have been various other changes but most would probably totally bore you and I probably wouldn't even be able to remember all of them. I set up a new binder for all of Dorothy's caregivers to try to keep everything organized. One section holds the passdown notebook that the caregivers use to communicate. One section holds the log sheets we use for Dorothy's food and medication intake. One section is an area for communication between the caregivers and the Hospice nurses. Heather and I have a meeting with ALL of Dorothy's (five) caregivers set up in a couple of weeks. I'm really anxious to get everybody together and make sure we are all on the same page and all understand the way things are to work around here. (There is one caregiver in particular that I get fairly frustrated with. I feel like I shouldn't have to ASK for a load of laundry to be done during the day, you know? Filling the dog's water bowl should be an obvious task, right?)

As for me... I have my days. This past week has been a rough one for me (and PMS NEVER helps) but things are calming down a little bit now. I have several things to look forward to this month and after this month, we head into the holidays (Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE). I mapped out October's weekends early in the month so I know exactly who is working which Saturdays and how much time I have off. Plus, my anniversary is a week from today (!!) and that means getting out of town. :)

I have scheduled Dorothy's social worker to be here on a day next week when I have the day off work so I can meet with her. I am interested in getting resources for caregiver counseling/support groups/etc. for myself. I'm the type of person who talks things out. I would blog a lot more but by the end of the day I'm just so wiped I would rather go to bed!

One of these days I am seriously going to post a "day in the life" so you can all see how things are around here. :)

Stay tuned for one particularly interesting experience (which actually had nothing to do with caregiving) I had this week!

You, the readers

2009-09-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

It's time to de-lurk! Since June 1st this blog has gotten over 1,000 hits (according to the counter I have, which may or may not be totally accruate) and I want to know where they're coming from! Who are you people who so silently read my blog? =)

And while you're leaving a comment to tell me who you are, tell me why you're here! What is it that you enjoy reading/seeing on this blog? Do you come for the pictures? The recipes? The day-to-day "stuff" that seems never-ending?

Introduce yourself! And if you have a blog, I promise I will stop by yours in return to learn what you're all about. =)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Ryan and Meagan, 9/12/09

2009-09-20T19:21:00.001-07:00

You know, I wish I was one of those funny bloggers that just make you laugh every time you visit their blog. You know, the witty type, like Dooce. But (sigh), I am not. Ah, well.

Steve's best friend got married last weekend and he was a groomsman in the wedding. Here are a few pictures from Ryan and Meagan's beautiful day.

L-R: Michelle, Nola, Olise, Meagan, Ryan, Shane, Tuan, Steve

Just after their first dance started, HUGE thunderstorm raindrops started falling. They finished their dance but the sound system had to be taken down because of the rain so there was no dancing to follow (which was actually ok because the dance floor got dangerously slippery which the kids all thought was a blast). But I was a little bummed because Steve had promised to dance with me for the first time. (Can you believe that we're celebrating 4 years in just a couple of weeks and we have never dance together? It's disgraceful, really.)

And one of my all-time favorite photos of Steve and I. :)

A farewell

2009-09-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Kyle.

Kyle left the country one week ago today. He moved to the Czech Republic for bigger and better things. He is going to teach English and will eventually become a translator.

Kyle was my neighbor in the first "real" place I lived outside of my parents house (not counting the 2 months I spent in a quad - that was ridiculous). Not only was he my neighbor, he was also my confidant, my comedy (dude's hilarious), my private concerts (guitar playing in the backyard or sometimes through the living room wall), our babysitter and my good friend. He loaned me his car on many nights when I was having a hard time with life and just needed a hug from my boyfriend, who lives 25 minutes away. He would invite me over when he and his roommates had more than enough food to go around. He was a good sport when MY roommate decided to start a prank war and snuck over to his place to fill his bedroom with blown up balloons (oh, he just pranked her back). He was Mr. Fix-It and could solve all of my electronics problems. He was also the genius who took my front door off it's hinges when the blasted couch wouldn't fit through. (And then helped MOVE said couch which had to have wait about a billion pounds.) He came and rescued Steve and Jordan and I when we were in a bad car accident. He always called me Gomer and for some reason I became very fond of that nickname.

But the thing I remember the most about Kyle is that he was THERE for me. He was one of the people who really helped me find my feet when I was learning to stand on my own in the real world. He was a very good listener, a practical advice giver and a darn good hugger.

I'm really gonna miss this guy. Good luck Kyle!

Before & after

2009-09-14T18:49:00.001-07:00

Before: The shaggy dog look that I was OH so tired of. He wanted to grow his hair out over the summer. We agreed, on the condition that he cut it the week before school started. This is Jordan after no haircut for 3 months.

And after 10 minutes of snipping... Mr. Cool:

It's already grown out enough (in 2 weeks) to not be very spiky so he wants to go back this weekend and get it cut shorter so he can keep up the gelled look. That's why we call him Dude!

Paragraphs

2009-09-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

Steve and I went to see The Time Traveler's Wife last night. SO GOOD! I am so glad I went to see it in the theater (although it's not one of those movies that you HAVE to see in theaters). If they had followed the book super closely it would have been a 6 hour movie. But I think they did a stand-up job and covered all of the important and relative things. (Like, they left out the part about Clare's mom being a little crazy but it turned out it didn't matter in the grand scheme of the movie.) I did catch myself leaning over to Steve several times and adding little tidbits of information to help him follow better, but I don't think they were CRUCIAL to him understanding the movie. They were just helpful in really getting into it. =) I totally cried. It's a tear jerker. But also definitely a movie I'm going to own. It was very well done.

I haven't posted much lately because life is sort of kicking my butt right now. There's just a lot going on and I don't want every post to be a rant or for my blog to become a big complaining fest. It IS my journal so I have to post some of that stuff, but I also don't want to drive any of you off with negativity.

There is a bunch of stuff going on in my church right now and it's an emotional rollercoaster. I probably won't share ANY more than that though. My church family is my FAMILY and I am very close with a lot of people there. It's rough to be a part of a family going through struggles. And emotionally exhausting.

Steve is also going through a lot of life STUFF right now so I'm standing by him and supporting him with that. Even the "little" things like having jury duty, Jordan starting second grade, work stress and talking about possibly having back surgery are overwhelming when they all happen in the same week. (And I call those things "little" because they compare to much bigger things like putting his house on the market.)

I can't remember if I posted about his back and the possible surgery... Steve finally switched doctors and the new guy took him off several pointless medications he was on that weren't doing anything (except creating side effects) and put him on just one or two things to help control the pain. He was referred to a surgeon and I was able to join him at that appointment yesterday. The surgeon said that it seems like the pain in Steve's back has been getting better over the last few weeks, which is true. The medication changes have helped and he's also been on Weight Watchers and has already lost between 15 and 20 pounds which I think is helping immensely. (Not to mention, he looks great!) What the doctor said was that we should play the "wait and see" game for a little while. If the pain continues to get better and Steve can keep it around 2/10 and enjoy life, he should hold off on the surgery. However, if the pain stays that low for a couple of weeks and then comes back up to a 6/10 or 7/10 and Steve isn't able to get it under control again, he should opt to have the surgery. The doctor also said that the surgery would be worth it in the long run if the other alternative is for Steve to give up things he loves (like golfing, etc.). So we're praying the pain will stay down! Steve is rather terrified of the idea of surgery.

I received a call from Dorothy's Home Health nurse this afternoon that they will be switching her to Hospice care next week. More changes... Although overall I feel like she's doing pretty well right now.

This weekend holds a mother/daughter craft night, hanging out with Jordan and Blu on Saturday, going to a bachelorette party that evening, a family day on Sunday and no work on Monday! I think we're spending Monday at the mall in Eugene, getting Jordan's hair cut (pictures to come for sure - wait until you see what he wants done to it) and doing some last minute school clothes shopping!

I've said it before and I'll say it again - my life is never lacking in excitement and change. =)

Thursday Thirteen

2009-08-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

1. I'm buying a new camera. I have a little Canon PowerShot but it's just that - a little PowerShot. I love photography and I love playing around with techniques and ideas and my camera just doesn't cut it. It's the kind that I will keep in my purse because, well, you should ALWAYS have a camera on you, but for trips, events, etc. I am going to get a nice one. I'm looking at this one, mostly because my mom has a similar model and LOVES it and because I can't afford the next model up and I think it will be quite awhile before I "outgrow" this camera. I'm no professional. :) (Psst, Carrie, tell me what you think!)

2. I am so excited for this weekend. Heather will be down Saturday evening which means that Sunday morning doesn't have to be rushed AND I can go out and do something after church without having to come straight home! Not only THAT, but I'm having a party on Saturday! Everyone keeps asking me why and my response has been, "Do you NEED an excuse to have a party?!" I invited some friends and coworkers and am planning a Hawaiian menu of Huli Huli chicken, rice, (special) macaroni salad and fruit kabobs. I'm stoked. I get to hang out with all my favorite people!

3. I miss blogging. I say that a lot, I know. By the time I get home after work, I just want to crash. And crash I do, usually for two hours. It's the only thing that saves me because I don't go to bed until 11pm. But I do miss blogging and updating and posting photos and the like. Just wait until November - it's NaBloPoMo and I plan to participate! I've already started planning. ;)

4. Every year I reeeeally wish I had a garden. I love fresh fruit and veggies and I wish I could grow them myself. Last summer I lived in a tiny apartment and all I had room for was the little mini potted sunflower outside my front door. This year I probably could have managed something but I honestly don't know if I would have had the time. Plus, my dog is fairly destructive and RAVENOUS. Next year, I don't really care where I live, I am having SOME sort of a garden. I will buy a kiddie pool and poke holes in the bottom and fill it with dirt if I have to. =) I want to grow strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers and maybe even some onions and broccoli. I would also love to have some green beans but those are a little trickier because you have to string them up. And raspberries take up a lot of room. And kiwi, well, those grow on trees. But hey, you gotta start somewhere. =) One of these years I'll get a chest freezer and spend the summer freezing and preserving so I can enjoy it all year long!

5. I would also love to get the motivation to start trying way more new recipes. My dilemma is that I just cook for myself. I usually don't have anybody here to share dinner with. My other dilemma is that deep down I want to be one of those people who clips coupons and grocery shops strategically, but I've had a hard time getting there. It takes energy! And time! I don't have much of those things.

6. I've started a list of things I want to accomplish, either now or my Future List of Endeavors for (I hate saying this) when I'm back down to one job and have spare time. Perhaps I'll post them here soon.

7. Upcoming events (i.e. other reasons I need a decent camera): The first day of school (2nd grade!); Steve's best friend's wedding; our anniversary (4 years!); the Star Wars Orchestra concert we're going to see.

8. I gave in. I started reading Twilight. I'm 16 pages in and so far it's totally dumb. I had said I wouldn't admit to reading it but eh. So far I do NOT understand the hype.

9. One thing I am MAJORLY excited about though is seeing The Time Traveler's Wife. I have read the book 4 times (and highly recommend it!) because I love it so much and my cousin, who is a fellow lover of the book, said the movie was fantastic. I have NO idea when I'll get to see it but hopefully soon!

10. I'm contemplating ways to put together an at-home workout routine for myself. Dorothy's daughter's roommate (Doozie) has a son who is 10 and is thinking about selling his Wii. Doozie mentioned that maybe they could bring it down here and set it up. I would have a chance to use it and Jordan could play with it and then I can decide if I'd like to buy it from Blu. I think if I had the WiiFit I would totally use it. I would love to start doing yoga and it has so many different workout options, it's really quite amazing. One of my cousins sent me two (unopened) workout DVD's and to be completely honest, I have not tried them yet (sorry, Rachel!). One of them is a yoga DVD though and I AM anxious to give it a shot. My goal is this weekend. I hear SUCH good things about yoga and although I have never tried it, it sounds like a great option for me and my lifestyle. I miss using the Cardiac Rehab gym at the hospital (for free) after hours. I'm a treadmill lover.

11. I'm also really excited for NEXT weekend because Heather will be down on Friday evening and I CAN GO TO COFFEE ON SATURDAY MORNING! For the first time in MONTHS! (Stacy, please do not tell Madre I will be there.) =) Not to mention, it's Labor Day weekend which means 3 days off! Monday morning I'll have to get up at 6 like always to hook up Dorothy's feeding tube but when I shut it off at 7 I can go back to bed for however long I want because her daytime caregiver will be here. Woo hoo!

12. A photo. =) Because I know you're all dying to know what I looked like when I was a little squirt. (Actually, I was probably about 8 in this picture but omg, look at my brother's dimple and my sister's ALL AROUND CUTENESS!!!)

13. As always, when I'm scarce here, check out my Twitter sidebar to see what I'm up to on a daily/hourly basis.

Wordless Wednesday - backyard happenings

2009-08-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

(Yes, this is a retro post. I could NOT get it posted yesterday.)