Home.

I'M OUT OF THAT HOUSE!!!

I decided Thursday morning that I was moving asap, no matter where I had to move to, because it would most likely be temporary until I could get my own place. I called my mom and asked if I could move home for a couple/few weeks and she talked to my dad and they said yes.

I started searching for people to help me move and a vehicle to move with. I got ahold of one friend who lined up 3 buddies and I figured we were all set. Then Thursday night/Friday morning he called and midnight and said his uncle died and he was on his way to California with his dad. So I was back to square one but really, nobody can predict those things.

Friday I put out an e-mail to the church saying I needed help and one elder called me and said he would love to help. Friday morning I left work at 10 because I was NOT feeling well and was totally overwhelmed with the amount of packing I had to do and the amount of time I had to do it. I went to Target and bought 6 giant Rubbermaid bins and started packing. Stacy and Kendra showed up to help and I bought 6 more bins. We packed until about 8pm when I finally felt like I was in a place to move the next day. I hadn't even been living at the house since Monday night.

I called every moving truck place around and was told that NOTHING was available. I finally talked to a lady in Lebanon who had a truck that was way bigger than I needed but she would cut me a deal because I had to drive so far to pick it up, yadda yadda. About 10 seconds after I hung up with her my brother called and said he was able to get a cube van through his work that was already in Albany and we could use it for free (well, cookies and a little gas money). I called that lady right back and cancelled the truck!

This morning we headed over to the house about 9 (after I went to coffee with my sister for the first time in weeks and it was SO refreshing!) and started staging and loading stuff. It was my parents and brother, George, Madre and Stacy. We started loading at about 10 and by 11:45 we had everything unloaded into the storage unit. The unit has a loft in it so we were able to put all the furniture down below and all the boxes up above. My dad told me this evening that it was SO helpful that I was already totally packed and all we had to do was actually move the stuff (although every time I move I scratch more people off my list of future helpers because once they move my couch they vow never to come back).

I took one car load to my parents house (and one load in their van - mini fridge, cooler of food, clothes) and had lunch and then went back to the house to transport a few more things to the storage unit and clean up. I did about 6 once-overs to make sure I got everything and on the way out the door I noticed that the lamp RIGHT next to the front door was also mine. Duh. My mom had said before she left, "Well, you'll have to do an idiot check." Madre and Stacy started giggling and Mom goes, "Hey, I found two!"

So I swept and vacuumed and did one last once-over and left. I stopped to see Brooke at work and tell her that all my stuff was out. She and I had a hard day on Friday. She had been on her way somewhere and she said, "I just feel like staying here, I've been really sad and I feel like crying." I asked her why and she teared up and said, "Because I don't want you to go..." which totally set me off and we both started bawling. She and I parted on really good terms and I think we'll hang out in the future (or at least talk - our schedules never match up). I've pretty much cut my losses with Kaitlyn. She obviously didn't put too much value on our friendship to begin with. Brooke said to hang on to my key for a couple weeks so I can stop in a pick up mail and stuff since it probably won't be when they're home. I put in a forwarding address on Friday so hopefully that will go into effect soon.

I brought one half-size bookshelf and my nightstand with me to my parents. Plus my computer, clothes, a couple pairs of shoes (Madre could not BELIEVE I was putting my shoes in storage) and one Rubbermaid tub of misc. books and cross stitch and the like.

I gotta say, I am BEAT. Tomorrow I start apartment hunting. I'm going to look in Corvallis and Albany at this point, just to broaden my options. I don't want to miss out on a great, affordable place in Corvallis because I'm only looking in Albany. And yes, I loved being in Albany to be close to Steve and Jordan, but I got a little bit lonely sometimes. And with gas prices skyrocketing I may need to stay here to end the commute to work (although I loved commuting).

Anyway, I'm off to bed. I had intended a short post. =) More updates to come, I'm sure.

A wee update

I'm moving on Saturday. As in, two days from now.

I'm moving back home. As in, to my parents' house.

On Tuesday one of my roommates called me a backstabbing bitch (apparently because I never talk to her, which of course has NOTHING to do with the fact that I never see her) and last night I came home to find stuff piled high on my bed and all over my floor and a note from the other roommate saying that she was cleaning and had to move some of my stuff. Nevermind the fact that HER stuff which was UNDER my stuff is still sitting there. I ignored the kitchen which included crumbs all over the counter, the toaster sitting out (it's always put away), a full cup of coffee and half a stick of butter laying right next to piles and piles of CD's.

I've been living at Steve's since Tuesday. His parents have Jordan at the coast for spring break and I am SO glad to not have to be at the house. I packed a few boxes tonight but honestly I just have anxiety walking through the door.

Stacy and Kendra are gonna help me pack tomorrow night and then Josh and 3 of his friends are helping me move on Saturday. I'm glad to not have to be there again without a friend along to help me relax. =)

I rented a storage unit today (10x15 feet with a custom built loft) and I'm basically going to rent a U-Haul, transport everything into the unit except for my nightstand and clothes, and move to my parents. They told me I can live there rent-free for as long as I need to find a new place.

Have I mentioned that I have the MOST wonderful parents?

Knowing I'll be out in two days makes me feel so much better. My biggest stress right now is getting all the way packed (not forgetting anything) and then being sure I get my mail once I'm gone. I'll put in a forwarding address tomorrow.

That's the scoop, folks! Pray. =)

*scream!*

Okay, that's a scream of frustration and excitement.

Frustration because I came home to a note on the fridge from the roommate I NEVER see, demanding to know when I was going to inform HER that I was moving out, because I should know it affects her, too.

Hey, if I saw you for more than 10 seconds every 5 days or so, I would be glad to talk to you.

The last time she came home she was incredibly rude to Steve and myself and was probably here less than 2 minutes. I explained that I only decided yesterday that I'm moving out and that part of the reason I left the note for Brooke on the bathroom mirror was so Kaitlyn would see it, too. I'm a little surprised she was so pissed because the note was extremely nice and basically said that it's absolutely nothing against them, I just need a place where I can feel safe coming home, and where I can sleep through the night. I was very clear on the fact that I like them and want to keep our friendships and that I'm not upset at THEM. So whatever. Every day I feel relieved leaving work because I can finally go home. And then the anxiety starts because I hate coming home.

The excited part is twofold.

This house I have a lead on? It was posted on craigslist and it has an intersection posted for location. After work today I drove to the neighborhood. FRICKIN' NICE!!! In fact, I believe I said to myself, "Damn."

See this house here? They're at LEAST this nice. ALL of them. And bigger. In an extremely quiet-looking neighborhood.



I couldn't believe it. For $350! EVERYTHING included! TiVo, high speed internet, garage storage, a big window in the bedroom... I had e-mailed the guy and he got right back to me and said if I'd like to come see it I could and that if I wanted to give them a deposit they could hold it. I told him I was just casually looking and not ready to put down a deposit. That was a couple days ago and now I'm pretty serious about it and I haven't gotten an e-mail back. So hopefully he's just busy and I'll hear from him by the end of tomorrow. I feel like I'm in somewhat of a time crunch, even though I don't have a date I have to be out of here by, because I don't want to pay April rent in two places.

The house is owned by a younger couple and they're renting out their spare rooms. I had some friends who did that once and it worked out really well for them. The guy who e-mailed me (probably the male half of the couple?) said it's a really great situation and that they're like a family. Which is pretty much how I envisioned roommates being!

Anyway, waiting, waiting. PLEASE pray for this situation! That it will be an obvious choice. A huge factor for me is whether the people already living there are Christians. It seems like places to live have always sort of fallen in my lap and this one seemed to at first. I'm just hoping it will continue to. I'm ready to live somewhere happy. =)

The second thing!

Remember how I posted about possibly finding a part time job? I posted on public notices at work that I'm looking to bring in some extra cash and I love kids. I basically offered to babysit for people in the evenings and on weekends. And I said pay is negotiable, which I think people like. In 24 hours I got 3 responses! Okay, one was Harvest and I doubt I'd charge her (maybe for overnight) but still, 2! And one family has 4 kids, ages 4, 4, 8 and 12. That lady asked me lots of questions and told me a lot about her kids and said if I'd like to do a short trial run this Saturday...

The other lady who responded has two kids, ages 6 and 2 1/2. She's actually someone I've met before because she did a work experience in the office where I used to work.

I'm excited! This is something that I like doing. And even if it doesn't pay a LOT of money, at least I'm not sitting at home, which I've done a lot of lately. It gets lonely here.

So folks, that's my story. I'm exhausted from work this week (3 rough days in a row?? come on!) but I finally slept through the night last night! It's probably because Brooke didn't come home, but hey, I felt rested when I woke up.

Oh yeah! And Steve came over for family night at my parents' last night! We played Texas Hold 'Em and I kicked my dad's butt in the last hand. We had so much fun.

And now, for some dinner.

I've had it.

Quick post because I'm at work but basically I'm looking for a new place to live.

I got out of the shower this morning at 6:15 and Brooke was still up, on the couch with a guy.

She's the one who made the no-guys-overnight rule. I got woken up 3 times last night and slept through my alarm this morning.

I JUST had a talk with her last night about being woken up and how I'm having a really hard time living there and she said sorry, she understands, they'll work harder, blah blah blah.

She sure worked harder.

At this point I'm looking at moving in with strangers because that way I can BUILD relationships (like I did with Diana) instead of ruin them, which is what's happening with these roommates. I don't even feel safe in my own house.

Nobody should have to live like that.

Roommates are not for me.

I used to think I would absolutely hate to live alone. I thought I would get lonely and not be able to sleep at night.

Now, I would give almost anything to have my own apartment and not have to share it. Because even living here I get lonely and I don't sleep at night.

My roommates do not know (nor do they read this blog) that I have started casually looking for a new place. I've lived here 3 months and I've had enough.

I come home to dirty dishes all over the kitchen. The dishes are my chore, but scraping dried food off of them is not. Empty soda cans and glasses strewn everywhere. The garbage and recycling are overflowing. There are papers all over the kitchen table and mail covering the counter. There are clothes thrown all over the couch. DVD's stacked on top of the player and their cases stacked next to them. There are hair straighteners on the bathroom counter. Razor caps at the bottom of the shower. Piles of laundry covering the washer and dryer. Cigarette butts and ash all over the patio. I get woken up 3 or 4 times EVERY NIGHT.

It's lovely, people.

And now that I just typed that all out I'm even more disgusted. lol

If I were about $150 richer every month I would get my own place in a heartbeat.

But I'm not.

Yesterday I started considering getting another part time job just to bring in some extra cash. I did the math today and even if it were minimum wage it would probably give me an extra $300 a month or so, after taxes. But then I don't know what I would be willing to do because I wouldn't do something like fast food. And the hours would be tricky because if I weren't off by about 8pm I would lose sleep and that's something I can't afford. Plus, I gave up my social life for school one time and it was the worst.

So that's still a big fat maybe. (Anybody know of an evening nanny job or anything? Haha.)

I looked at a couple of places online today. This town has pretty much nothing to offer right now, it's all near the university. There was one house that sounded really cool that is a couple renting out their spare rooms. The guy said it's pretty neat, they're like a family. I think it was less than I pay now, way bigger, and everything included. Something like that would be really cool, but I'm afraid to go from these roommates to new roommates because hey, no roommate is perfect. However, I moved in with an almost-stranger before and she turned out to be a great roommate, nerdy as she was. =) There is a LOT of truth to that saying about moving in with friends.

Right now this is all just me dreaming. I probably won't get a part time job and I probably won't move out. But I'm so frustrated right now. I would appreciate prayers for patience and finances.

Being thankful

I've been in somewhat of a funk lately. I can't figure it out and it's hard to describe. Some days it feels like PMS, other days I just feel weary. I find myself getting frustrated incredibly easily. I find myself feeling bored and lonely. It gets hard that I never see my roommates and besides having other people's stuff everywhere, sometimes it almost feels like I live alone. I get home at 4 and go to bed around 9. They get home any time between 9:30 and 2am and are asleep when I leave for work at 6:30. There are times I go 7 or 8 days without seeing Kaitlyn and we mainly communicate using the whiteboard on the fridge and by texting. Brooke purposely takes her lunch break late so I'll be home to sit outside with her while she smokes.

So, I try to remember what I am thankful for more often. Today, Carrie's blog reminded me. These are in absolutely no order.

1. I am thankful that I have a car, and even more than that, that I love my car. It's predictable and reliable and has all the attributes that I wanted.

2. I am thankful for my roommate's dog, even on the days he drives me up the wall, because he makes me feel safe. And because he's really hilarious to play with and he makes me laugh.

3. I am thankful for a wonderful boyfriend who supports me in more ways than I can count and compromises with me and makes huge efforts to work with me on the days I'm being ridiculous. I think of the reasons I am thankful for him often because of those times I feel myself getting frustrated when I shouldn't be. And I've been working at stopping to kiss him and tell him WHY I am thankful for him.

4. I am thankful for his beautiful son. I have so loved spending Saturdays with him lately and building our relationship. It makes me smile inside when store clerks, etc. will talk to him and refer to me as Mommy. I don't really talk to Jordan about it because he does know who his mom is and he and I have our own special relationship, but people tell me all the time that Jordan looks like me and it just makes the bond between him and I seem more right.

5. I am thankful for my job. I've been working hard lately at not being frustrated with people that I work with (and it's been hard) but I am constantly thankful that I love the work that I do. This week 3 or 4 different people (customers, doctors, coworkers) have told me that I am doing a great job and it makes me proud of what I do.

6. I am thankful for the little extra things. That I got to buy Jordan a stroller which causes us to spend more time as a family (getting exercise!). That we get to go to the zoo this weekend. That my roommate was so excited to see me when she got home after being gone for 4 days.

7. I am thankful for my good health. A little headache here, a stomach ache there - I am feeling pretty good. Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for PTO when I am sick so that I can still pay my bills.

8. I am thankful for the sunshine and the warm weather. I eat lunch in my car almost every day because it's a refreshing break of peace and quiet for me and I've loved getting to roll down the windows and put on some music and eat with the breeze blowing through my hair.

9. I am thankful for my friends.

10. I am thankful for my warm bed and a hot shower and clean clothes and my toothbrush.

11. I am thankful for bills because this week they are reminding me of what they bring. Rent means I have a place to live. Phone bill means I am able to talk to the people I love. Car payment means I have a way to get to work.

I see nothing...

I stayed home from church today because it started 25 minutes ago and I'm barely out of bed.

Brooke is gone for the weekend and Kaitlyn never stays here on the weekends. I told Brooke I would take care of J while she's gone so it's just been him and me at night. I texted Steve Friday night and said I don't like being here alone because this isn't the best of neighborhoods and this house has been broken into before (I did not know any of this when I moved in). He said it would be ok, he's just a phone call and 5 minutes away, plus I have J. That made me feel better and I went to bed.

At 2:30 in the morning J starts barking. Now, he's a dog who doesn't bark. He just doesn't. Unless he thinks something is very wrong. And this was a low, warning-type bark. I picked up my cell phone and crept out of my room. As soon as I stepped out of the doorway, J ran up to me, wagging his tail with a look on his face like, "I'm a good boy, I'm protecting you!" I did tell him he was a good boy, and we went out to the living room to see what he was barking at. I never did figure it out. I peeked out the curtains and made sure the doors were locked but I couldn't see anything odd. I went back to bed and lay awake for quite awhile, but eventually I feel asleep.

4:00 in the morning, repeat. More growling and barking, but absolutely nothing wrong that I can see. It made me even more nervous that it happened twice, and frustrated that I couldn't see a single thing out of the ordinary, but J obviously could. If only dogs could talk.

When I let him out in the morning he ran out the back gate, which was hanging open. I immediately thought someone had been in our backyard (which I did not like the idea of, especially since they have to go past my bedroom window to get there), but it turns out Kaitlyn left it open (dog! hello!).

Last night, Steve left my house around 10:30 and, again, I told him I hate being here alone, especially after the night before. Hug, kiss, reassuring, goodnight, lock the doors. I looked through the phone book to try to find the non-emergency police dispatch number but couldn't find it. Then I realized the first page had been torn out and just to the left of the tear line I could see the words "non-emergency." Lotta help that is! So I got online to look and after about 15 minutes of searching I found a number. I put it in my phone and went to bed.

2:30 in the morning, barking! What the heck!!! But this time his growling woke me up before his barking. Growling is more serious to me because it's much more of a warning. Pick up my cell phone, creep out into the living room, investigate, nothing. I called the non-emergency number I had found and, in fact, DID get the dispatch line. I asked the lady if they could spare an officer if someone could do a drive-by. She asked for what reason and I explained that I have a dog who NEVER barks unless he thinks something is very wrong and he'd been barking and growling for ten minutes. I told her I couldn't see a thing wrong but that I wasn't about to go outside and look. She said absolutely, they would have somebody check the area for me.

Brooke called at 7:15 this morning and said sure, it never happens when she's home but now it's been 2 nights in a row. In addition, her car was spray painted a few weeks ago and egged last weekend. So now I'm thinking it's somebody against her (most likely her ex and his new girlfriend). She said I shouldn't worry too much, and that she'll be home tomorrow and she is NOT afraid to go outside and investigate. She also said that we'll sit down and she'll teach me how to use her gun in case there is ever a DIRE situation where I need it. It did make me feel better last night to know that there WAS a gun and that even if it wasn't loaded, it would be to my advantage to HAVE it if someone did come in the house. She also said that if someone came in the house and J could tell that I was scared, he would bite the hell out of them.

Sooo... with all of that and awful, awful cramps, I am sitting on the couch blogging, eating oatmeal and watching Hairspray (AWESOME!). I might just go clean the patio this afternoon while my sheets are washing.

Thanks for listening to my boring recount of the last two nights. =) I'm hoping tonight won't be another repeat because I have to be up at 5:30 in the morning!

And at the end of the day...

If Blogger were like MySpace (and thank the good Lord it isn't) I would be able to choose a "mood" to go with my blog. Today's would be Livid.

I've been having an emotionally hard time with life in general the past few weeks and today I finally felt like I was having a really good day and things were looking up. I was having lunch in my car (which I've come to enjoy because it's so quiet and peaceful) and I rolled the windows down to soak in some sun. I texted one of my roommates and said, "It smells like spring!" A few minutes later I got a text back that read, "I'm not exactly happy with you."

Oh-kay!

When I came home and walked in my room, I found the whiteboard on my bed, completely full of her handwriting. Along with a pile of my stuff, which apparently cannot live where it had been living. (It's virtually all of my bathroom stuff and it had been living in a little tote on the back of the toilet.)

On the whiteboard was basically a list of all the things I am doing that are unacceptable. The gist of it was that I'm a slob and if I'm going to ask them to pick anything up, then every damn thing of mine better be picked up, too. In not so nice words.

The 5th thing on the list said (I kid you not), "FIND A WAY TO BE HAPPY!"

Gee, it would be really cool if happiness was just a switch you could flip to On and the world would be a wonderful place. It was ironic to me that she decided to bitch me out on the first day I was actually feeling like the world COULD be a wonderful place.

The PS at the bottom of the board said, "Seriously, work on #5."

Then, I walk into the kitchen and there's ANOTHER note on the whiteboard on the fridge! Basically saying, "Hope you got my other note because, seriously, I am FED UP with you." She went so far as to say (and I quote), "You have no regard for other people's feelings." SHE said that I have no regard for people's feelings! After she wrote me those notes!!!

After I called Steve and screamed into his voicemail (poor guy - I was SO angry), I wrote a nasty note back and basically fired something back about every point she had made. I'd love to move my stuff in the bathroom, if the drawers and cupboards weren't ALREADY full! And it would be great if we could rearrange some kitchen stuff, so why don't you move the light fixtures from the 70's that are being stored in the cupboards. Except I was NOT nice.

One point she did make that was valid is that ever since I moved in I've had boxes and totes stacked against a couple of walls and all over the garage. Ironically (again) it was something I was planning to work on this weekend. Mind you, she has never mentioned one word about me maybe picking stuff up or organizing a little, it was just *BAM* nasty note.

I spent several hours tonight organizing my stuff in the garage and hauling it up to the attic to store. I went to Target and bought several more plastic totes (for way too much money) and filled most of them. I flattened some boxes and stacked others to store way in the back of the attic for when I move again. I came inside and unpacked two boxes that have been living in the hallway. I vacuumed. I did all the dishes (including theirs) and wiped down the counters. I took out the trash.

And she darn well better appreciate it.

Then I tore up the first note I wrote and wrote (a much shorter) one basically kissing up and saying I'll work on the stuff she talked about. And telling her that she REALLY hurt my feelings. She said she hates coming home because I always have something to bitch about and now I don't want to be here because apparently I can't do anything right. And apparently it's HER house and I'm just living in it. I sure don't feel like it's my home anymore.

Diana, will you please move back?





**Side note: I don't usually talk about people like this, but I'm sorry, I had to get it all off my chest.

A word (or several)

Okay people, STILL no internet (GRRRR). Brooke was supposed to call Monday. One of the hardest parts about not having it (other than really missing blogging) is not being able to balance my checkbook. When I had internet I balanced it at least once a week and I always knew how much money I had and could budget things easier. I finally balanced it today and I love the feeling of it BALANCING and then knowing how much I have to work with for the next 9 days.

During the week I think of all these things to blog about and then when I actually find a computer to sit down at I forget everything I was going to say.

My siblings' birthdays are coming up and I'm super excited about the presents I got them! I'll blog about them after I give them because otherwise I'm sure they'll find out somehow (plus, Kendra is reading over my shoulder). My parents are taking Kendra to the coast for her birthday so I'm taking a day off work and going along. Yay!

I'm ready to shoot my roommate's dog this week. I pretty much have zero patience for stupid/disobedient dogs and he is one of them. You have to tell him to sit about 6 times before he will and as soon as you say "good boy" he's back up and licking your face again. The part that frustrates me the most is that Brooke is never home so he's fairly attention deprived. Plus she never works with him so he's also disobedient and thinks he doesn't have to listen to anyone.

Kendra and Onyx (and Stacy) spent the night last night and I have a huge appreciation for the time Kendra has spent with her dog because she's so GOOD! And even Onyx got fed up with J. lol

Okay people, this was a lame post. I'm off to see Harvest and kids and maybe tonight go out to dinner with Steve and his best friend and his girlfriend (who, apparently, REALLY wants to meet me). But Jordan woke up with croup last night so it's a big maybe. Poor guy.

One of the next times I log in I'll be putting a password on my blog so make sure you have your Google account and that you've let me know you want to be on the list! Pretty much if I know you, I'll put you on the list. And if you're blog is on my blogroll to the right, chances are I read your blog every chance I get and I'd love to add you to mine.

Until the next Internet sighting.....

Surprise!

Didn't expect me to be posting this soon, didja? =)

I moved! It feels weird. I didn't sleep very well last night (which I expected), but I do like my room. It's SMALL but cozy. Once I start moving my stuff in I'll probably get frustrated because there's nowhere to put anything, but today I like it. I was able to fit my bed, 2 dressers, my nightstand and a bookshelf in there. I was also able to fit all of my hanging clothes in two closets (I get two coat closet sized closets - one in my room and one in the hall) which amazed me. It's extremely frustrating to me that everything I own is stacked in boxes in a garage, so I'm really hoping I can get unpacked by the end of next weekend. It's cold and annoying to have to go out there and search every time I need something.

One thing I love about the house is the shower! Brooke said the hot water lasts pretty much forever (a good thing since I take insanely long showers) and the water pressure is awesome which made my day. Jay (the dog) still annoys me with his licking and constantly sticking his whole body in the middle of whatever you're doing, but even though he's a big oof (yes, oof) who would probably lick ANYBODY who walked in the door, it makes me feel safer to have him there when it's just me. and Tritty (the cat) has decided I'm her new best friend. She and I snuggled in bed this morning. Makes me not so depressed about Critter, although I still REALLY miss her.

Tomorrow is "Christmas morning" with my roommates and then off to my parents' for our traditional Christmas Eve (cousins, then an early family dinner and presents and games) and then Christmas morning, stockings with the family and then off to Stacy's!

MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone!!!