Becoming Mom

This is my 400th post! And a very important one, if you ask me. :)

Steve and I have known for a long time that we plan to spend our lives together. In just a couple of months we will celebrate our 4 year dating anniversary. Jordan has also always known this and knows that we consider the three of us to be a "family". We talk all the time with him about how one day we're going to get married and all live together and he is very excited about it and talks about having a house with stairs and a pet lizard (which we are apparently going to name Bernard). Steve has talked to him before about how us getting married will make me Jordan's "mommy" and that he'll eventually have brothers and sisters.

(I really want to express this in a way that stresses the fact that this is ALL Jordan - Steve and I have not pushed this AT ALL.)

Steve has mentioned to Jordan a couple of times that IF he wants to call me Mom, that would be ok, but if he doesn't want to, that's perfectly ok, too. Jordan's mom hasn't been in his life since he was about three years old and although he knows OF her, he wouldn't recognize her on the street and rarely asks about her.

On Friday Steve and Jordan came over so that we could load up the car and leave for Steve's birthday trip to the coast. When they walked in the door Jordan handed me a small square of cardboard. I asked him, "What's this?" and he told me, "It's something I made for you." I looked closer and in his own handwriting he had penciled,

I love you Mom.
By Jordan.
PS I love you.

I hugged him and thanked him and didn't let him see my eyes mist over. But I did hold myself together. :)

I asked Steve about it and he said the only part he had in it was telling Jordan how to spell "by" when he asked.

The next evening Jordan and I were sitting at the table in our tiny little rented beach house, doing a puzzle together. He was playing with a plastic necklace and arranged it in the shape of a heart. Then he reached over, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Look what I made for you, Mom."

I praised him and thanked him and told him I really like it when he calls me that. Later, after Jordan was in bed, I asked Steve if he had recently had a conversation with him about anything regarding me or calling me mom. He said that he hasn't - this has all been Jordan's doing and quite out of the blue.

This afternoon I stayed about 45 minutes late at work and was feeling drained and tired by the time I left. I got into my hot car and my phone buzzed with a text message from Steve. He told me that Jordan had made something for "mommy" at school and that he can't wait to give it to me tomorrow when I come over.

Then tonight Steve and Jordan were over at a neighbor's house and Jordan was playing with some of his classmates. On their walk home Steve asked Jordan if he wanted to call me. I answered the phone and Jordan says, "Hello, Mommy!"

It gets me every time. It touches my heart in such a special way that he has started calling me by such an important, tender name. It amazes me that he has started doing it all on his own. When he is in a hurry his natural instinct is still to call me Kaila (like running up the beach this weekend yelling, "Kaila, you can't catch me!"). But I have noticed him starting to deliberately focus more on "Mom" and that is so touching to me.

I have loved that boy like my own son for years. But there is something very special and very unique that has blossomed in our relationship over the last 4 days. And I love being his mom.