Das Not Funny! Friday : Jordan-isms

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Here are some things Jordan has said recently that have solicited chuckles from us:

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While at a rest stop:

Jordan looked over at a guy on his motorcycle and said, "Looks like somebody needs a lift on their ride!"

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Playing football with friends, it was suggested that they play on their knees because two of the kids were way bigger than the other kids and were dominating the game.

After about two minutes on their knees Jordan exclaims, "This is so humiliating!"

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We were at somebody's house and Jordan commented, "That's a classy couch." A minute later he observed, "Classy piano."

I looked his direction and he said to me, "What? I can't say classy twice??"

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"Is Ryan having a baby?"

No, but his wife is.

"Hm. How are babies made?"

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Laughing in the direction of his dad's back - "Hee hee. How do you spell 'kick'?"

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My mom commissioned Jordan to draw her a dragon picture. He told her, "It'll cost you a dollar."

At her surprise he said, "What? I don't do pictures for free! I'm the best artist you'll ever find!"

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On my birthday Jordan spent close to an hour in my mom's craft room making me a birthday card. He brought it upstairs and told me, "You will just cry tears when you see this. You'll love it!"

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A friend from school was having Jordan do something with his hands, one step at at time. Jordan told me, "And in the end it made my hand into a gun and we're not allowed to have guns at school and I was not expecting that!"

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My sister made some inside joke that half the room didn't understand. Jordan chuckled and my mom leaned over to him and said, "I don't even know what that means."

Jordan laughed, waved his hands and said, "Me either, just play along!"

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Das Not Funny! Friday

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This week Steve was talking to Jordan about eating lunch at school. Namely, how Jordan needs to EAT lunch at school. Their conversation went something like this:

Steve: "Bub, you gotta eat some of the lunch I pack for you."

Jordan: "But, I don't LIKE peanut butter sandwiches!"

Steve: "You used to like them, what happened?"

Jordan: "It's JUST peanut butter, no jelly!"

Steve: "I put jelly on your sandwiches..."

Jordan: "Yeah! And somebody TAKES IT OUT!!!"

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A coworker and I were talking about our office chairs and how she is supposed to be getting a new one but it takes FOREVER. I agreed that it was very frustrating. She spouted off, "It would be faster to just get gastric bypass surgery!"

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This morning I was at the dentist getting a crown put on my tooth. We had a brief conversation about how getting a temporary crown over Thanksgiving is kind of the pits. The dentist told me that the cement he was using for the crown has a bit of a clove taste to it. The hygienist replied, "So it will go really well with your pumpkin pie!"

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What funny things have happened to YOU this week? Add your link here with MckLinky!

Das Not Funny! Friday

It's been awhile!!!

(Click here to read about Das Not Funny! Friday.)

Here are a few of the things that have had ME laughing lately!

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At a game night recently, a friend was talking about how cool something was and my brother goes, "Yep. It's one of those things they're calling "epic" these days!"

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Jordan was talking to me about Charlie (my dog) and making up all kinds of stories about him having money and a wallet. He asked me where Charlie would put his wallet and I said, "In his pocket, of course!" Jordan asked where his pockets were and I told him they were there, you just can't see them because of all his fur.

Jordan paused for a second and then looked at me, made two thumbs-up signs and wiggled his thumbs at me, saying, "But how's he gonna get his money out? He doesn't have opposable thumbs!"

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My cousin is a teacher at a daycare center and always has hilarious stories to tell about the kids she works with. Recently she told a story about a little boy who noticed her cross necklace and asked her, "Do you love Jejus??" She told him yes, she did love Jesus. "I love Jejus, too!" he replied. "AND DRAGONS!"

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What about you? What funny things have you heard this week? Write your own post and share it here with MckLinky!

Das Not Funny! Friday

(For the "official rules" of Das Not Funny! Friday, click over in my right sidebar under "Memes I participate in" to hop on over to the creator's blog!)

Unfortunately, I haven’t spent NEAR enough time with Jordan lately so I miss out on a lot of the funny things he says!

Instead, I kept track of the hilarious things that were said at a recent Game Night at my parents’ place. We were playing Take Off.

Take Off has a very long “board” (basically a huge laminated sheet) with a topical world map on it. It starts in Honolulu at one end and ends in Honolulu at the other end. Across the board are continents with tiny dots all over them. These dots are cities. Connecting the dots are many, many lines, in all 6 colors of the rainbow. Some cities have lots of colors leading out and some cities only have one or two. There is a set of dice to roll which tells you which colored lines you may travel each turn. Each player has planes (in our case, two each) that they “fly” across the board. The game has a few other rules but they really aren’t relative at the moment. =)

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My family has this weird thing where you say, “Nose goes!” and place your finger on your nose. This means that you are exempt from whatever task is being decided on, just like saying "Not it!" would. In this case it was who would scoop ice cream.

Colby: Nose goes!
Alaina: I go!

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My dad was distributing drinks. He asked James (who is black) if he would like a beer. James said, with a totally straight face, that he does not like dark things. You know, like chocolate…

He asked if my dad had any light beer so my dad brought him an ale. Dad then asked Caryn what she would like to drink and she said 7Up.

My dad brought her a glass of 7Up and Caryn took one look at it, looked at my dad and said, “This is too dark!”

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Colby: There should be plane upgrades so you can add missiles and things!

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During the game the dog was being an ongoing nuisance. She has LOTS of nicknames so I told her, “Go on, you dumbhead” and pointed to the living room.

Dani stopped in the middle of her turn, looked at me and said, “Did you just call your brother a dumbhead?!”

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Jon’s plane got bumped and he wasn’t sure which dot he had been on. His wife had been keeping track of his turns and knew where the plane belonged.

Jon: How do you know that’s where I was??

Courtney: Next time I’ll just set ya on a dot! I’ll TOW your plane to shore!

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Caryn rolled the same thing on her dice two turns in a row and asked, “If I roll that three times do I go to jail?”

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Upon one of the players getting bumped back to the Start:

Jon: *salutes* “Please fly with us again!”

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During the game some water got spilled on the board.

Somebody said: “Uh oh! That means there’s a Tsunami warning!”

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Now it's your turn! This is my first try using MckLinky so let's see how it works!

Das Not Funny! Friday

I failed to write down as many "funnies" this week but I do have a couple for you!

(Hop over here to read the "official" rules of this blog meme!)

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Yesterday Steve and Jordan came over and had ice cream cones in their hands. Charlie was SO excited to see them (as he always is) and was pestering Jordan while he ate his ice cream. Jordan was sitting at the dining room table and Charlie's head is the exact height of the table (handy for maximum pestering). Jordan kept telling Charlie to leave him alone, he wasn't sharing.

All of a sudden I hear, "Hey! Don't give me those sad puppy eyes!"

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Jordan was invited to a sleepover tonight. Several kids in his class were invited but it's a family we do not know and the sleepover is in a different town. Jordan REALLY wants to go but he's like I was when I was little - the IDEA of a sleepover is awesome but when it comes time for bed there are tears and phone calls for parents to come pick up a homesick kid. That coupled with us not knowing the family made us decide that he would not be sleeping over tonight.

Steve got a phone call from Jordan's school about an hour ago but he is driving the bus and can't answer. He asked me if I could please call them back and check up on everything.

I called and the secretary answered and said, "Oh yes. Well, Jordan says he's going home with a friend today but we didn't find a note or anything in his backpack..."

The little weasel. :) If Daddy and Kaila won't let him go then maybe he'll just tell the SCHOOL and they'll send him home with them!

I told Steve, Hmm... maybe you need to drive him out there to at least play for a couple of hours. Otherwise the cries of, "You never let me do anything!" and "You ruined my life!" might start a little early. ;)

Das Not Funny! Friday

I know you've been waiting for it! Head over here to read the official "rules" of this blog meme!

Here are the funny things I witnessed this week:

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Steve, Jordan and I were at Dairy Queen. Steve was finishing placing our order while Jordan and I went to the soda machine to get cups of water. I had Jordan on one hip (don't ask me why) and was filling a cup with my other hand. Steve walked over and asked if I needed some assistance. Being the multi-tasker that I am, I said, "Nope, we've got it covered, don't we Jordan?" just as water sloshed over my hand. Jordan gave me a very skeptical look and said, "Um... no, not really."

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Dorothy had some friends visiting this week and they were discussing the limited eating habits of one of them. He doesn't like this, he doesn't like that... Finally he piped up and said, "I just like ghetto food!"

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Dorothy's other friend was telling a story about potty training her grandson. They took a trip to the park and he wore his big boy pants. On the walk home he said he had to go but at that point it was kind of tough luck.

A gentleman walking down the street asked the little boy, "How are you today?" and the boy replied, "I have poop in my pants."

The gentleman's response: "What a wonderfully straightforward answer!"

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Jordan was talking about when he is 100 and how he is going to take his grandson to Dairy Queen and to get toys. He was talking about his grandson this, his grandson that. And then he says, "But I'm not sure if it will be a boy or a girl."

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Doing homework with Jordan this week I was having a conversation with Steve on the side. While my attention was diverted Jordan moved on to his next math problem, using the pennies and dimes, and solved it. And then another. Proud of him, I said, "You don't need me!" and he looked up at me with a grin and said, "Nope!"

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A few days ago Jordan wanted to make his own stamp for letterboxing. He chose the image of a skeleton (SO Jordan). I went online and found "how to draw a skeleton" and then freehanded it. I made a mark I didn't like and erased it to re-draw it. Jordan, being the dramatic child that he is, exclaimed, "He was too young to be erased!"

Das Not Funny! Friday

It’s finally Friday! How many times this week did you hear or see something and think… “Das Not Funny!” but then realize that it actually was pretty funny? Well, such is the purpose of this blogapolooza known as Das Not Funny! Friday.

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I was in the grocery store and pulled out my card to pay. The checker looked at it and said, "Oh, what a cute credit card!"

My card has a picture of my bank on it.

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We see and use a LOT of medical terms where I work. EKG's are all over the place. One day my coworker was sending a fax and instead of writing EKG he wrote KEG.

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I dropped Dorothy off at her acupuncture appointment and someone had parked in the space that we always use. I made a mock gasp and said, "Somebody took our spot!" to which she replied, "Of all the nerve!!"

(If you know Dorothy and know how difficult her speech is to understand, this might be funnier to you.)

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On the same day Dorothy and I drove past a guy who is not all there (to say the least) sitting on the ground, picking at it (the ground, that is). Dorothy made a funny face and I told her about another guy in this town who goes around picking staples and nails out of telephone poles and posts. I ended my story by saying, "... A little crazy."

She replied, "Somebody's gotta do it!"

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I was helping Dorothy get ready for bed and I could hear Jordan out in the front part of the house spouting off all kinds of French words. He was going on and on with "Voila!" and "Bonjour!" for several minutes.

I came out from helping her and chuckled at him and asked, "Whatcha doin?" He replied, "I'm half American, half French!" I told him, oh really, and where did the French come from?

He looked at me, then went back to what he was doing, shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Don't know!"

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Tomorrow is my sister's graduation party and the theme is "Hats Off to Kendra!" and everyone is supposed to come wearing a hat. I told Jordan this and he asked, "But what if I don't wear a hat?" I told him they wouldn't let him in. He thought for a minute and said, "I'll take Colby's hat." After thinking about THAT for a minute his eyes lit up and he exclaimed, "And then HE wouldn't be able to get in!"

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Dorothy's daytime caregiver has a little boy who just turned 3 and sometimes comes with her during the day. One day when I got home from work they were still here and so were Natalie's mother and her other 3 sons. All of a sudden Caleb starts flipping out, exclaiming "Where's my bee????" Natalie pulled a little toy turtle out of her bag and said, "Do you mean this?" He did. He started showing it around and his older brother told him, "Caleb, that's not a bee, it's a turtle" about the time he stuck it in his other brother's face and said, "RIBBIT! RIBBIT!"

A very versatile bee. Er, turtle. I mean, frog.

I'm so confused.

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And last, but certainly not least... The other night I emptied the ice cream container. When I empty containers of ice cream/yogurt/cream cheese I let the dog lick them out if he happens to be standing nearby (which is, um, always). This is what he did:

Das Not Funny! Friday

It’s finally Friday! How many times this week did you hear or see something and think… “Das Not Funny!” but then realize that it actually was pretty funny? Well, such is the purpose of this blogapolooza known as Das Not Funny! Friday.
Check out this blog to see what else is not funny. Plus, by going over here you can see who else has seen or heard something and thought Das Not Funny! then stifled a giggle or even laughed out loud! Come on, you know you wanna…

Things that cracked me up this week:

Steve and Jordan went to the zoo for the end of Jordan's spring break. They stood in line for 45 minutes to get an elephant ear. While Jordan was eating his long-awaited treat an elephant trumpeted very loudly not far away. Jordan said, "Wow, that was loud!" and Steve replied, "Well yeah, he's probably ticked because you're eating his ear!"

This resulted in peals of laughter that lasted a long time.

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One of my coworkers was half-listening to a doctor dictating a report in the next room. As the doctor got to the medication profile portion of the report, the phone rang. Stephanie answered, "Medication Records, this is Stephanie."

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Jordan was sick on the couch and he and Steve were watching TV. Steve was talking to the TV when Jordan looked over and said, "Would you be quiet?? I'm trying to sleep and I'm serious!"

Somebody had reached the grumpy hour!

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I was helping a doctor with e-signature. This doctor is VERY computer illiterate but I did not realize just QUITE how illiterate until this day.

Part of the editing process uses Microsoft Word. She had never used Microsoft Word. This became very apparent when she asked me how to add words to the report she was looking at. I said, "Just click your cursor where you want to add the words and type them in."

She looked at me, wide-eyed and said, "You mean they'll just show up right there as I type them??"

Um, yes.

Plans

I have plans! Evening plans, weekend plans and big ol' blog plans!

My evening plans consist of playing some more with my new juicer. My mommy and daddy are sick and when I talked to my mom this afternoon on the phone she expressed great jealousy at my homemade apple juice and carrot juice. I also need to make some cookies because I have been promising Dorothy cookies for about two weeks now and I always either get too busy or just plain forget (and then I feel REALLY bad).

My weekend plans include coffee tomorrow! I haven't been in so long so I'm excited to go in the morning. Then I get to spend the afternoon with Steve and in the evening we're going to hang out with a bunch of my coworkers and their significant others. Fun fun! (This is partly because my hanging-out-with-coworkers plan for last weekend got mostly obliterated.)

Which brings me to my blog plans! I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I have post plans for 4 straight days during the week. The trick is going to be finding the time to actually write these posts. If all goes as planned you should start to see...

Sunday: A verse, quote or message that somehow speaks to my heart.

Tuesday Newsday: News from around the world that I personally find interesting or news about my own life (more boringly titled "an update").

Wordless Wednesday: When pictures speak louder than words.

Thursday Thirteen: You know the drill. I choose a topic and write 13 points about that topic. Check out these posts for some examples.

5 for Friday: I choose 5 "points of interest" that I am thinking about or 5 happenings in my life and do a bullet post.

and/or

"Das Not Funny!" Friday! Click on this link to find out more about it. If my brain is working enough during the week I may try to participate in this one, at least part time. Sounds fun to me and I sure get enough "Das Not Funny!" moments where I work. =)

Stay tuned folks! I spent some time this evening making some really cool headers for these weekly posts that I can't wait to share! (And just remember for when you see it next week - the photos on the Wordless Wednesday header are all photos that I took myself.)

Das Not Funny! Friday

Come by on Fridays for a good laugh with Das Not Funny! Friday!

Jessica over at The Making of M.O.M. started this Friday meme and I get a kick out of it.

Throughout the week I write down the funny things people have said or done in my presence and compile them into one big, funny post. If you participate, be sure to leave a comment on my page (or Jessica's) so other people can enjoy the humor!

You can also follow this link to see the "official" rules of DNF!F and get a button for your own blog!