Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Staying positive

In my last post I said that Dorothy was fading fast... She bounced back and is now just plugging along at much the same rate as before. She has a couple of continuous issues - a pressure sore on her nose where her mask rests that causes her a LOT of pain, acid reflux that is hard to control, and communication. These things will probably never stop being issues, though the communication is the most difficult for everyone else. I made her a picture board depicting about 80% of her needs and most of the time she chooses not to use it but would rather write things out instead. This means getting out her dry erase pen, positioning it just right in her hand, wrapping a rubberband around her fist to hold the pen in place and then holding her whiteboard just so while she writes and we try to decipher the ink smudges.

I am going through the process of starting counseling sessions. I am eligible for several free sessions through my job and was approved for those yesterday. Tomorrow I will call and schedule my first appointment. I think at this point I'm just at a place where I need to talk it out. I need to talk about the way I want to be a better mom but feel very stuck because I have to be home most evenings and Jordan does not live with me. I need to talk about the extreme rate at which things can frustrate me. I need to talk about how to gain back the last 15 months of my life that I have missed out on. I need to talk because my friends are tired of listening.

This week I made a list of things to do that will keep me happy and positive. So far I have only done one thing on the list (it had to do with ice cream) but it's there in case I need it. It contains wonderful things like snuggling and going for a walk and taking a hot bath and enjoying a hot beverage and a book. And let me also tell you, multivitamins are a creation of God.

I had a big long talk with my sister's boyfriend last night about the work he is (still) doing on the house. I kind of jumped his butt about it. A lot. He told me the work will be done by the end of next week. Once all of that is finished all that's left is painting (and I have not done ANY more since those first two rooms and one of those is only half done - I knew you were going to ask!) and cleaning the carpets. I am very anxious to be moved in. I'm anxious for Steve and Jordan and I to start our new routines and begin our new normal. I'm anxious for it to be a getaway for me. A place to go on my nights off when I need to be away from home but just want to relax.

You know, I really miss blogging about things other than Dorothy and the house.

Here are a few pictures from our recent (really fun) trip to Hoodoo to go tubing:

And that, folks, is why I keep trucking along. :)

This weekend Heather is not coming down because she has huge projects due at work next week. Both agency caregivers are unavailable this weekend so a brand new girl trained today and hopefully is ready to work on her own! Our favorite caregiver agreed to spend the night this Friday so I can have one overnight break. The boys and I are going to the coast for the night. We're looking forward to a trip to the aquarium and some swimming and relaxing.

A funny story before I go eat my soup that's cooking on the stove...

The other night Jordan and I were making pipe cleaner and hot glue craft projects at the kitchen table. I mentioned that I was going to make a crocodile and he scoffed that I surely could NOT make a crocodile out of pipe cleaners and hot glue. We made a $1 bet.

About 10 minutes went by and we were both working away on our projects. All of a sudden Jordan pops his head up, looks at me and says, "So! How's it comin' with that crocodile you can't make??"

He owes me a dollar.

1 comment:

Diaria said...

Ha!!! Jordan is so cute!!

I'm sorry to hear about the stress you are under, I know it must suck. I wish you the best of luck in what you are doing, and I hope that Steve's house will soon be ready for acting as your retreat.

Oh, and by the way, Jordan is so cute.